Veganize It...Don't Criticize It! [Vegan Recipes]

"Veganize THIS!", Assholes...

2011-08-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

"Where have you been all this time?", "Where have you gone, Jenn?!". I would see e-mails of this subject, daily, hourly, piling up in my "Veganize This!" inbox. Although the email account had already been hacked, password changed, I could still see the opening line of the letter, as well as the subject. Always sighing to myself, as I foraged around Los Angeles in a rent-a-truck from Enterprise for a place to sleep (I'd already given up on eating. I didn't feel hunger anyways), or a place to safely park. The back-seat of the gigantic truck, which was in my possession as the result of a drunk driver slamming into my car, cock-blocking me from attempting to have safe sex with my drunk girlfriend by kindly pulling aside and putting my hazards on, was filled with what I thought to be important possessions. Computers, hard drives, clothes, etc. All of these things are now lost, stolen, sold on Craigslist, or meaningless of me in terms of value. I've learned to live life to the fullest by being stripped of everything, including my identity. Not by 1, not by 2, but at least 10 people over the course of a year.
Why haven't you seen a recipe post? Well, what fun would my recipes be if this blog was retitled "What Can Jenn Veganize From The Dollar Store With $6.50 and A Camp Burner". I didn't have a usable kitchen for almost 3-4 months, I was homeless for about 6-8 of those weeks. My 26th birthday fell between those weeks of homelessness, 4 of those weeks I had a cast on my right arm due to a "domestic dispute". I have had no money all of this time. I occasionally receive a Western Union transfer from my mother for 1 or 2 hundred if I'm lucky. But my parents accounts were hit as severely as mine, credit lines maxed out, new ones opened in their name and maxed out as well.
I was locked out of my own apartment, locks changed on both the door and mailbox. When I did get back inside due to a little good acting, I was usually bid farewell with a violent physical attack as I tried to obtain evidence (aka my personal belongings or items bought using my or my mother's Social Security Numbers). Eventually, they were evicted. Some things, I got back. Some things, I didn't. Some things, I was able to trace on the hard drive of the person who means the most to me in the world as "Sold Online" just based on a photo I'd found that I knew was only used for the purpose of a sales ad. I'm not an idiot. Don't try to get one past me. I've watched your every move, and the moves of others. Do I blame you? No. We were all trying to survive what was, and still is, a very tenuous time. The love we have for each other changes shape. We truly, finally understand each other completely. And that's why we have to be apart. That's why your desires for physical love manifests itself as an outlet, not an inlet. If you were to be plugged in right now, the energy would be too much for you.
Some women, I find, really get off on it, though. Even with the cast on my arm, which ruined my knife handling abilities, but not my ability to make a woman come faster than a flying Zebra, I could have a girl on top of a kitchen sink within 20 minutes of meeting her, orgasming without hesitation…my 21 year old girl-friend watching from outside. We were a polyamorous couple, after all. I had to break up with her. I didn't want to, but her safety was at steak. "They" kept finding me. Her reputation was still untarnished. When my little sister was hit, I knew it was time to say goodbye. She'd think I was an asshole, think I took her things and advantage of her. What I did was do her a favor. I can no longer be "Jenn Shagrin"…because she cannot have a bank account, line of credit, home loan or anything of that nature. She has "fucked up" too much, in the eyes of the government. When the creditors call me, somehow always obtaining my new number even though I've had to change it 4-5 times over the course of the past few months, they ask me questions I cannot answer. They ask me for payments on accounts that I'm either not responsible for opening, or lost control of long ago. Accounts I was working on paying down from being a stupid teenager with a credit card, maxed out again.
I eventually just gave up on trying to handle all the fraud myself.
I have a credit attorney and a criminal attorney, neither of which can handle the volume either. They think I'm making all of this up, because it's too much to compute. They don't understand how someone of stature and punk-rock look could be a victim. I must be part of the crime.
I have done no crime except trust and give people too much of my soul. And no, my soul wasn't FTC insured. I promise you, along with my heart, it's now guarded with steel. Does that mean I haven't faltered and fallen for a set of pretty eyes and nice tits? No. It does mean that my sense of intuition is heightened beyond that of most, and I can make decisions faster than a lightning bolt as to who is trustworthy and who isn't.
I await the day I can have a bank account again. I miss the luxury of buying things because I want them, or mainly, because my lover wants them. I want to travel, and I have all the freedom in the world right now because I finally, truly, don't give a fuck. Homeless and broke as fuck, you could steal my name and numbers, but not my wit and charm, nor my creativity. They'll just be assigned a different name and set of numbers, not the one carefully given to me by my parents before my birth. Sure, you can still call me Jenn. I wouldn't want anything else. I don't want anyone to know the "new name and numbers". Ever.
I will say this with a firmness, though: Yes, I intend to complete my second book, which was 2/3rds done back in February. Yes, they did sell my computer on craigslist. Did they know I had an online cloud computing back-up membership? No. Thankfully, I was able to recover all my recipe files and photos of completed ones. Will I potentially lose all those files soon because I don't have any credit cards, nor do my parents, to pay the $50 annual membership fee? Maybe. I never know what they next day brings. I do have a safe place to live now…I think. Yes, she is still by my side…at a small distance. No, her heart is not mine. It is others as well. Nor is mine hers. It's investments are diversified, always. Could it be reversed at the flick of a switch? Or course. She is, and always has been, my best friend and partner in crime. Only this time, it got out of hand.
I harbor no anger or resentment. All we do is sigh, look at each other, and smile…understanding exactly why we did what we did to each other. Understand this sick, twisted love that no one else can, only can they criticize. Sure, maybe we did too many drugs and had a little too much fun for a while, but why touch base with reality with I knew this is what would be found: my reality didn't exist anymore.
I'll be back soon. I promise.
I highly doubt many people have cried another sleepless night because they can't put a post on their goddamn blog. Don't want to let another fan slip away because they can't respond to their emails, or their lack of investment in their most intimate form of contact with their existence: A weekly update on a website. I will eat and sleep again when I know ALL of my family is safe, and so am I. This may take a while, but I've been sleeping more nights lately than ever. We've made a pact to work together, put new rings on each-others fingers, and move forward.
Funny thing is, no one notices this ring like they did the engagement. Nor do they ask "how they hell did you afford this?!". Well, like I said, she's always been my partner in crime…

As always, still publicly findable at jennshaggy [at] gmail . com...unless hacked again or otherwise.

Happy Birthday, Wifey. The Hackers Will Go Down...

2011-03-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Dear VIDCI Readers...

Hi. I'm so sorry I have neglected my blog over the past few weeks.

So, what happened, exactly? Well, shit is going down. A lot of shit. Were Jane and I too trusting, too giving of ourselves, our home and our money? Yes. Were we taken advantage of? Yes. I won't go into too many personal details. I won't name names. But I will say this:

Whoever you are, please leave my bank accounts, credit cards and family alone. I know you think you're funny by sending my mother several subscriptions to magazines through her Discover card and sending my wife baby magazines, but save the planet. I know you're aware that all my accounts are on lockdown, but that's not an excuse to break into our home while we're sleeping and steal the little cash we have left. We don't want you to give us anything back, but please, just leave us alone.

Again, readers, sorry I've been MIA. This bitch will definitely be back in the kitchen soon. Right now, it's about survival of the fittest. So I'm doing my pull-ups and preparing to kick some ass...figuratively, of course. My oven stands ready to be fired up. I have a stack of recipes raring to go. And patients on my part is definitely a virtue.

Oh, and one last piece of advice to the hackers/burglars/all around A HOLES...

Never, never, mess with a Jew and her money. Remember what they say on South Park: I have a little bag of Jew Gold around my neck, so you'll have to pin me down and pry it from my hands. Go on, I dare you. Jane and I will not be taken down.

Love always,
JennShaggy

Homemade Flatbreads with Vegan Mascarpone, San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce, Chanterelles and Edible Flowers

2011-02-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

I've got a bone to pick with a certain American media gossip hound, but before I start my kvetching, I'll talk a little about all of the lovely goodness that is happening in Jane and my world right now.

For starters, my book has been receiving TONS of great press. Thank you to all of you who take the time to read Veganize This! and share your two cents.

Last week, Jane and I took a trip to San Francisco to see my parents and meet up with my best friend who's moving to SF from Boston (yay!). First, we had the pleasure of being invited to the VegNews office. Let me tell you, they not only have some really nice new digs, but they are some of the coolest, kindest people I've met. I signed a few copies of my book, which you can attempt to win on their website by Clicking Here.

Lastly on our trip, Jane and I held a book signing at the most amazing vegan bakery ever, Cinnaholic in Berkeley. Special shout out and thanks to Shannon and Florian for letting us hold the signing, and delighting us with your unparalleled cinnamon buns. I had a great time signing copies of my book, and Jane signed copies of her books In Our Own Eyes and The Power of Taking.

Then, it was back to LA where much work awaited us. As some of you may know (drumroll please...):

I'm shooting my own TV Pilot next month!! I'm not going to reveal much about it at this point. Only because I feel like being a tease. But I will tell you it's about to be the most cutting edge, vegan cooking show ever. Follow the shows Twitter @VeganizeItTV for updates.

Ok. My fingers are starting to cramp. One last thing before I start the kvetching then call it a day. Jane and I started our own company Manic Media (@ManicMediaDBA on Twitter)...

1) To co-produce the cooking show. And...

2) To create the "We Are All Animals Tour" for the summer of 2011. Read all about it and how you can be a part of the festivities by Clicking Here.

NOW it's kvetch time. Yesterday, Mr. Perez Hilton decided he was going to post one of my recipes on his site, FitPerez. Upon first hearing this, I was elated. Then I went to his site and noticed one tiny little problem. Neither I nor my book were credited on his site for the recipe. Well, let me tell you something, Perez. I liked you better when you were rounder. And that's a picture of nachos, not Doritos. Duh. Now, don't call me an asshole just yet. I did politely ask them to credit me, which they ignored. So I've decided to take action. Perez, I give you 48 hours to acknowledge all of the work I put into that dish, or meet your demise:

That's all for this week! Here's what we had for Vegan Pizza Day...

Homemade Flatbreads with Vegan Mascarpone,

San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce, Chanterelles and Edible Flowers

For the Flatbread Dough:

1 cup warm water

1 package active dry yeast

2 1/2 to 3 cups all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 teaspoon salt

Combine the water, yeast, and 1 1/2 cups of the flour in a large bowl. Mix well. Add the oil, salt, and remaining flour. With large wooden spoon or your hands mix the ingredients together until the dough holds its shape. You may need a bit less flour, so add the last half gradually.

Place the dough on a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes. If the dough becomes sticky, sprinkle a bit more flour over it.

Transfer the dough to a lightly oiled 2-quart bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a kitchen towel, and let the dough rest until it has doubled in size, about 1 hour.

When the dough has risen, place it on a lightly floured surface, divide it into two or more parts and roll them into balls. Cover them with a towel and let rest for 15 minutes. The dough is ready to be shaped, topped and cooked.

Pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees F. Once all your toppings are prepared, lightly grease a pan with olive oil, stretch out the dough into a long, rectangular shape, top with toppings, then bake 10-15 minutes until the crust is brown underneath.

San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce

2 T. Olive Oil

½ t. Salt

¼ t. Black Pepper

¼ t. Red Pepper Flakes

1 t. Fennel Seeds

1 T. Chopped Fresh Garlic

2 t. Chopped Fresh Basil

1 t. Chopped Fresh Oregano

1 t Fresh Mint, chopped

1 28 oz can Whole San Marzano Tomatoes

1 T. Port Wine

1 t. Sugar

Heat olive oil in a medium saucepan over high heat. Add garlic, cooking for 30 seconds. Add herbs, seeds, and all seasonings. Cook for an additional 30 seconds. Add tomatoes, wine, and sugar. Crush tomatoes w/ potato masher, then bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally until thickened (1 hr 15 min). Remove from heat, let cool.

Vegan Mascarpone

1 12oz Package Silken Soft Tofu

1/8 cup MimicCreme (or Alternative)

1/2 tsp Sugar

Combine all of the ingredients well until a slightly lumpy paste is formed. Keep stored in the refrigerator until ready to use. Keeps in the fridge for up to 1 week.

For the rest of the Flatbread…

1/2 - 1 lb Chanterelle Mushrooms (depending on how many flatbreads you're making…Criminis can also be substituted for cheap-asses like me), sliced

1 package of Edible Flours

Make the dough, stretch it out on a pan, and top with all toppings as indicated in the dough recipe. Bake as indicated in the dough recipe, and enjoy!

Come To My Book Signing at Cinnaholic This Thursday!

2011-02-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

This Friday. My face...

At Cinnaholic 2132 Oxford Street Berkeley, CA 94704 - (510) 647-8684...

Signing copies of My Book...
Be there of be square, suckas...

hehe.

Baby Spinach, Chicken and Golden Grape Tomato Salad with Brazil Nut, Black Garlic, and Dill Dressing

2011-01-29T06:31:00.001-08:00

Well, what an epic blog post this is going to be. First, I have two HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS! Alright, settle down now. Here's the first one:

A) My cookbook, "Veganize This", is now available in stores nation-(and maybe world?)wide! Yay!

B) I, Jenn Shagrin, have collaborated with the kick ass vegan Pollution Studios to create the most amazing TV Pilot EVER!!! It's called "Veganize It", and it will kick some serious ass. We shoot next month, in case you were wondering.

In other news, I did my first ever book signing with my home girl Melisser Elliott. She wrote The Vegan Girl's Guide To Life, which I contributed recipes to to tantalize your taste buds Now get your but over to Amazon.com and give us both some 5 star ratings....or else! I'm doing a second book signing at Cinnaholic in Berkeley, CA on Feb. 11th...details on the "Veganize This!" Blog.

On a side note, THIS has become my new anthem and musical shero.

In my social life, we had a vintage night out! Look how HAWT (oh yes, I spelled it that way) Jane and I looked....

and with our favorite posse...

In other news, I have been getting tattooed like a monster lately. I started with paw prints to match the ones Jane already has in the same place...
Then I went crazy and let Roger Saliner just do my whole damn arm. Now I am one sexy biotch. We'll see how this looks when I'm 80. Teehee.

Baby Spinach, Chicken and Golden Grape Tomato Salad with

Brazil Nut, Black Garlic, and Dill Dressing

For the Dressing...

2 TBSP Olive Oil
2 TBSP Brazil Nut Oil
1 TBSP French White Wine Vinegar
2 TBSP Fresh Dill, finely chopped
1 clove Garlic, minced
4 cloves Black Garlic, minced

For the Salad...

1/2 lb Baby Spinach Leaves
1/2 lb Golden Grape Tomatoes, halved
1 bunch of Scallions, chopped
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
1 TBSP Olive Oil
1/2 batch Chicken Style Seitan, cut into 2 inch long strips (recipe follows)

First, make the dressing. Place all of the dressing ingredients in a small bowl, then whisk vigorously to combine. Set aside.

Place the spinach leaves, tomatoes and scallion in a large mixing bowl, then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss well to combine.

Heat the tablespoon of olive oil in a large skillet over high heat, then cook the "chicken" pieces for a few minutes on each side until golden brown.

Place the "chicken" pieces atop the salad, the give the dressing another good whisking. Drizzle the dressing over the salad, then toss and serve immediately.

Vegan "Chicken" Style Seitan

Makes 1 batch

“Chicken” Seitan Dough:

1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
1 scant cup Water mixed with 1 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
1 1/2 TBSP MimicCreme

“Chicken” Seitan Broth:

8 cups Water mixed with 9 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
1 cup MimicCreme
7 Whole White Button Mushrooms
1 tsp Shallot Powder
1/2 tsp Onion Powder
1 tsp Roasted Garlic Powder
2 Bay Leaves
Pinch of Celery Seeds

First, take all of the Seitan Broth ingredients, and mix them together in a very large pot. Bring to a boil.

While the broth’s starting to heat up, make your Seitan Dough by mixing and kneading the vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon blend, and MimicCreme until it’s completely mixed. It will be a little more wet than most seitan doughs. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. On a cutting board, flatten the ball out, and use a sharp knife or kitchen shears to cut into six pie wedge “Chicken Breast” shaped pieces. Before putting in boiling broth, flatten each part down by pressing it firmly between your hands, then drop each part into the pot.

Cover the pot, reduce heat to simmer, and let the seitan cook for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes.

Don’t throw out the broth! Use a slotted spoon to remove each “Chicken Breast,” and place into a colander to drain. Let both the “Chicken Breasts” and the broth cool. Allow the “Chicken Breasts” to marinate in the broth until ready to use, if time allows you. Drain again before using.

Miso and Sweet Chili Linguini and Shrimp Infused with Saffron Olive Oil

2011-01-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

Life is so much happy fun-ness right now. I'm surrounded by such good company all of the time, and MY BOOK HAS BEEN RELEASED ON AMAZON!!!! I'm happier than an fat kid in a candy store. It makes me wish someone would talk nerdy to me…but wait…I do that to myself…

[yes I talk to myself]

So so so much goodness has been going on in my and our (Jane, my wife, and I's) lives. If you missed the post over on my other blog, her book made Media Bistro's top eBooks of 2010 (she's credited as Laura Lueck...very close to the top of the list! Her hardcopy books are under her current name, Jane Lueck). You can also buy hardcopy's of her books HERE and HERE on Amazon. They're both great reads.

As for this weeks recipe, we have a bit of thai and italian fusion going on here. I know the recipe l

ooks a little crazy, but it tastes soooooo damn delicious. Special shout out to budding culinary artist Jordan Langlinais for sous cheffing for me this week. The recipe post inculdes some shots of us in action.

Enjoy your week!

Oh, and if you don't go buy my book right now, my little sis is waiting for ya!

Miso and Sweet Chili Linguini and Shrimp Infused with Saffron Olive Oil

For the Linguini and Shrimp

2 garlic cloves, minced
Juice and Zest of one Lemon
2 tablespoons Saffron Olive Oil (recipe follows)
1 package frozen Vegetarian Plus Vegan Shrimp with Sweet Chili Sauce, thawed
1 12 oz package Linguini Noodles
4 quarts Water
2 teaspoons Salt
Additional 2 tablespoons of Saffron Olive Oil
2 tablespoons Vegan Margarine
1 large Onion, slice lengthwise
Additional 4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 cup Mellow White Miso Paste
The package of Sweet Chili Sauce from the package of frozen Vegan Shrimp (about 1/4 cup)
1/4 cup No Chicken Broth
1/2 teaspoon Freshly Cracked Black Peppper
1/2 cup chopped fresh Basil
2 tablespoons minced Basil, for garnish
4 Lemon Twists, for garnish

For the Saffron Olive Oil

1 tsp loosely packed toasted Saffron Threads
1/2 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tsp Kosher Salt

Place the saffron threads in a spice grinder or coffee grinder and turn into a powder.

In a small bowl, combine the olive oil and salt. Add in the powdered saffron, then whisk to mix completely. Transfer the oil to a small container, and allow it to sit for at least 1/2 hour.

Keeps covered in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

Take a large zip lock bag, and place the first 2 cloves of garlic, lemon juice and zest, and the first two tablespoons of saffron olive oil inside of it. Add in the thawed vegan shrimp, then seal the bag and rub the marinade into the vegan shrimp. Allow the vegan shrimp to marinate in the bag for 30 minutes.

Heat a skillet over high heat, then quick fry the shrimp until slightly charred on the outside, about 10-12 minutes.

In a large pot, combine the water and salt. Bring the pot of salted water to a rolling boil over high heat, then slowly add the linguini and return to a boil. Boil until just al Dente, about 10-12 minutes. Drain well.

In a large saute pan, melt the vegan margarine with the rest of the saffron olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion, and saute until translucent. Add in the remaining 4 cloves of garlic, miso paste, packet of sweet chili sauce and no chicken broth. Slowly bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes.

Increase the heat to medium. Add in the vegan shrimp and 1/2 cup of chopped basil, and simmer about 2-3 minutes until the vegan shrimp are heated through. Remove from heat.

To serve, place about a quarter of the linguini on a plate. Top with 1/4 of the vegan shrimp and sauce, then garnish with the minced basil and a lemon twist.

My Book is for Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

So go buy it, little fockers ;)

http://www.amazon.com/Veganize-This-Ice-Cream-Pie-200-Animal-Free/dp/0738214027/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294331808&sr=8-1

Where The Hell Are You, Jenn ?!?

2010-12-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm right here, gosh darn it. You can check out all the lovely new details about my life over on the "Veganize This" official blog. Linky link here:

http://veganizethiscookbook.blogspot.com/2010/12/some-exciting-new-updates_28.html

As for why I haven't posted a recipe, well, the book's almost out, silly bears. I have been busier than a bee gearing up for this (and some other exciting projects).

Plus be sure to read all the way to the bottom of the other post to check out what my wife's been up to. Just as exciting as my life.

Ta ta for now! I'll be back with a recipe next month.

Happy Jew Year!

Vegan Sautéed Shallot, Crimini and Fennel Green Bean Casserole: A Repost, because I said so.

2010-12-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

What?! A repost? Jenn's getting that lazy?! No, silly panda. I just happen to make this every Thanksgiving as it's always a hit. And it's a bit of a spoiler for my soon to be released cookbook, so why the hell not. Plus, my life has been crazier than usual in a major way lately, so I give myself full license.

Well, where to begin describing the blissful chaos that is my present life. For starters, I'm back in the Gayborhood! I'm beyond excited to once again be a resident of the city of West Hollywood. I mean, what the hell was I going to do with all my rainbow spandex in the damn Valley? On the downside, it meant I once again had to disassemble my kitchen and place recipe testing on hold, but let me tell you two orgasmic reasons that made the process entirely worth it:

A) My new kitchen has a bitchin' professional oven.
B) I have a KITCHEN ISLAND!

Now, don't be mistaken. I am not rich enough to afford an apartment with an island of granite already built in. No, no. Mine is of the Target.com, assemble-yourself-with-great frustration variety. But it's an island, nonetheless. And it's all mine. On wheels. So there.

What's also been keeping my blogging at bay has been the insane amount of traveling I've been doing over the past month in between and around the moving of apartments. We went to San Francisco twice, one visit spent dramatically more sober than the other. As I write this post, I lie in one of most amazing, dingy motels Portland, Oregon has to offer. We're having an amazing time so far. I've been to Food Fight!, Hungry Tiger Too, (thanks, SugarHighVegan for taking us there and Quarrygirl for the referral), Vita Cafe (faux turkey benedict-gasm), and tonight I'm off to Portobello. I can't wait to try a level of vegan cuisine that rivals my own. Hopefully I won't be such a baby and leave crying because they show me up.

Of course, there's been quite a bit of crazy (good) in my personal life, too, but I'll save that story for a rainy day.

Three recipes on the slate for next week. Expect a slew of posts before the end of the year, kids.

Happy Chanukah!

Vegan Sautéed Shallot, Crimini and Fennel Green Bean Casserole

* 1 1/2 lbs Ready To Go Fresh Green Beans (recipe follows)
* 1 cup Vegan French Friend Onions
* 6 TBSP Vegan Margarine
* 6 TBSP Flour
* 1/2 tsp Salt
* Fresh Cracked Pepper, to taste
* 1 1/4 cup Imagine Foods Creamy Portobello Soup
* 1/4 cup MimicCreme
* 1/2 TBSP White Miso Paste
* 2 1/2 TBSP Corn Starch mixed with 3 TBSP Cold Water
* 1/4 cup Shallot, diced
* 1/2 bulb Fresh Fennel, diced
* 1 cup Crimini Mushrooms, chopped
* 2 TBSP Vegetable or Canola Oil
* 2 tsp Fresh Garlic, minced
* 1/2 tsp each of Dried Sage, Marjoram and Thyme

To Prepare The Green Beans:
First, make sure your beans are trimmed and ready to go. Place 3 quarts of water in a large sauce pot, and bring to a boil.
Get a large bowl with ice water ready. Keep it in the freezer so it stays chilled. Add 1 1/2 TBSP Kosher salt and the green beans to the boiling water. Cover and cook for about 6 minutes or until crisp-tender and still bright green. Keep an eye on the beans just in case they start to brown before the 6 minutes is up.
Drain beans in a colander, then plunge into the ice water. Drain well, then place a double layer of paper towels in single layer to dry, and top with a double layer of towels.

The Casserole...
Heat vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Sauté garlic and shallots for 30 seconds, then add fennel, mushrooms, herbs and spices. Sauté until slightly softened. Remove the pan from heat, and set aside.

Using a whisk, in a very large sauce pan, melt the Earth Balance over medium-high heat. And flour, 1/2 tsp of salt and pepper, and whisk together. Add the miso paste, and blend in well. Pour Creamy Mushroom Soup and MimicCreme in gradually while constantly stirring. Continue stirring until the mixture begins to boil and thickens.

Add the green beans to the rest of the sautéed vegetables and about half of your French fried onions to the sauce pan, and stir well.

Pour that mixture into a casserole dish or pan and top with remaining French fried onions. Bake in oven at about 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes, until the onions begin to brown. Remove. Eat. Let it cool if you're more patient than I am. Enjoy.

Nutmeg Potato Gnocchi topped with "Parmesan", Basil and Spicy Sherry Heirloom Tomato Salsa

2010-11-01T14:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, there are weeks where I have entirely no clue what to write about. Then there are the weeks where I want to write about something completely inappropriate or entirely too personal. This just happens to be one of the later mentioned weeks. For your sake and mine, I'll spare you the "entirely too personal", as it has to do with my lower digestive track and it's inadequacies. No, this week we're going to talk about something entirely inappropriate: my addictive personality.

In the past, this has manifested itself in many forms. Ingesting far too many hallucinogens, smoking exorbitant amounts of marijuana...you get the picture here. But as I age, my addictions become down-right unusual. One of the less odd examples is my cleaning neurosis, one of the stranger examples is my addiction to cleaning my ears with q-tips. I swear on my mother's name, it gives me the most euphoric sensation. Other odd addictions of mine include:

1) Crying to the Indigo Girls and Tegan and Sara
2) CVS coupons
3) Wearing only black, short socks
4) Making sure I have no less than 10 pairs of black, short socks...and that every one has a matching sock. If a sock goes missing, I lose my shit.
5) Heirloom Tomatoes. Some people have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I have SPD (Seasonal Produce Disorder)
6) Not wanting to leave the house until the mail arrives. Yes, I'm addicted to receiving mail. My wife has this one, too.

Of course, I have normal addictions like coffee, making lists, and buying clothes. But you have to admit, I'm kind of a weirdo. Anyways, on to what's important...

If you missed my little note last week, I launched two new websites in preparation for my book.

1) VeganizeThis.org
2) A "Veganize This!" News Blog (special shout-out to Vegansaurus.com for posting an interview with me, giving me something newsworthy to write about and some damn good publicity.)

Also, I've started actively using my Twitter account. You can follow me @jennshaggy.

And two last things before the recipe. If you haven't had the chance and are a Facebook member, I'll love you forever if you follow each of my blogs by clicking here and here. Second, check out my lovely wife's new website The Writing Impulse. She worked really hard on it, and I'm pretty darn proud of her :)

Hope you all had a Happy Halloween!

Nutmeg Potato Gnocchi topped with "Parmesan", Basil
and Spicy Sherry Heirloom Tomato Salsa

For the Gnocchi...

2 1/4 lbs Waxy Potatoes
2 1/4 - 2 3/4 cups All-Purpose Flour, plus more if necessary
1/4 cup MimicCreme combined with 2 TBSP Egg Mix
Large pinch of Freshly Grated Nutmeg
2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
1 package of Dr Cow Tree Nut Cheese (any flavor), cut into shavings
Chiffonaded Fresh Basil Leaves, for garnish

For the Sherry Salsa...

2 TBSP Olive Oil
1 Shallot, finely chopped
2 cloves Garlic, minced
4 Heirloom Tomatoes, chopped
1 small Red Chilli, seeded and finely chopped
4 TBSP Sweet Sherry Wine
Salt and Pepper, to taste
2 TBSP Fresh Flat Leaf Italian Parsley, chopped

First, make the salsa. Heat the olive oil in a pan that has a well fitting lid over medium high heat. Add the shallot, garlic, heirloom tomatoes and chilli to the pan, stir to combine, then cover with a lid and allow it to cook for 10 minutes.

Remove the lid, pour the sherry into the pan, then season with salt and pepper to taste. Stir in the parsley, turn off the heat, then cover with a lid to keep warm until the gnocchi is ready. You may need to reheat it for a few minutes prior to serving.

To make the gnocchi, bring a large pot of water to a boil. Boil the potatoes until very tender but not falling apart. Drain well and peel while they're still warm.

Take some of the flour and spread it on your work surface. Pass the hot potatoes through a food mill, dropping them directly onto the spread-out flour. Take half of the remaining flour, and mix it in very lightly. Make a well in the center of the dough, and pour in the egg yolk mix. Add the nutmeg and knead until the dough is no longer moist, adding more flour if necessary.

Divide the dough into four equal pieces. On a lightly floured surface, roll out each piece of dough into a 3/4 inch thick tube. Then cut the tubes into 3/4 inch pieces. Using a fork, individually roll each gnocchi along the tines to form ridges on one side, and push your thumb into the other side to form a small well.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, then drop the gnocchi into the pot. When they rise to the surface, they're finished. Drain well, place in a large bowl, then toss with the margarine until all are fully coated.

Divide the gnocchi into individual bowls or plates, then garnish with the Salsa, Dr Cow Shavings and basil. Serve immediately.

Just a Quick Note...

2010-10-24T16:28:00.000-07:00

Two new sites up...
1)"Veganize This" Blog
2)"Veganize This" Website

Questions, comments, concerns? You know where to find me :)

"Shrimp", "Sausage", Shallots and Criminis over "Parmesan" Grits

2010-10-20T15:53:00.001-07:00

I'm officially going through my quarter life crisis. I've threatened many times, but I finally did it. I let Jane cut my hair shorter, give me bangs, and dye it black, and she did an amazing job. Now I look like a 14-year-old emo kid, but I feel so much more "like me" without the blonde hair. I mean, I was never a cheerleader, I don't tend to be vapid, and I never took an active interest in boys or fashion. Not that that's true of all blondes, but I didn't like that some made those generalizations about me just due to my hair coloring. The only down side is that now I look nothing like my ID, and I have a hard enough time getting into bars as it is. Here's a picture so you can tell me what you think. Be honest. Just remember, I know where you live...

In other life news, we're moving back to the Gayborhood! I'm more excited than a fat kid in a candy store, mostly because I can walk to Whole Foods again. We also happen to be conveniently located a block from our favorite sex toy shop, which could prove very dangerous to my bank account. What can I say? We pride ourselves in our collection. Ok, that was definitely a little TMI, but if you've been reading my blog for a while, I'm sure you're used to it. So get over it ;)

This week's recipe was spurred by an interesting reason. When Jane and I were visiting Louisiana, she found all these crazy flavors of grits that they don't sell west of the Mississippi. She was so excited, we bought about 10 boxes. We had to buy an extra suitcase just to return them safely to Los Angeles. The only vegan one was the Original Flavor, so I bought myself a few boxes just in case. And I'm quite glad I did, because now I can provide you all with this lovely recipe.

Enjoy this one, folks. And remember to wear purple today in memory of those who have taken their own lives just because they were gay or lesbian. It would mean a lot to me.

"Shrimp", "Sausage", Shallots and Criminis
over "Parmesan" Grits

For the Grits...

4 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
1/2 cup MimicCreme's Healthy Top Vegan Whipping Creme
1 cup Quick Cook Grits
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
1 TBSP Vegan Margarine
1/4 cup finely grated Dr Cow's Tree Nut Cheese (any flavor)

For the Shrimp...

2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
1 large Shallot, chopped
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1 1/2 cups sliced Crimini Mushrooms
12 oz Field Roast Wild Mushroom Quarter Loaf, cut into 1/4 inch cubes
1 package of Vegetarian Plus Frozen Vegan Shrimp, thawed
1/4 cup Dry White Wine
1 (14.5 oz) can Diced Tomatoes
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
Red Pepper Flakes, for garnish

In a saucepan over medium heat, bring the No Chicken Broth and Vegan Whipping Cream up to a low simmer. Once it begins to simmer, whisk in the grits and a pinch of salt. Return to a low simmer, stirring constantly. Stirring frequently, cook until the mixture has thickened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the vegan margarine and "Parmesan" cheese. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Heat a 12-14 inch saute pan over medium heat. Once the pan is heated, melt the vegan margarine and saute the shallots, garlic and criminis. Saute until the shallots are translucent and the criminis have softened a bit, then add the Field Roast. Once the Field Roast has cook through and beginning to brown, add the thawed Vegan Shrimp and saute for about 2 more minutes. Add the white wine and diced tomatoes, then bring to a boil for about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over the "Parmesan" Grits and garnish with red pepper flakes, if desired.

Serve immediately.

Grilled Cumin and Epazote Rubbed "Pork" Loin with Cactus, Heirloom Tomato and Pumpkin Seed Salsa

2010-10-13T14:39:00.001-07:00

Last night, my Justin Bieber virginity was broken. That's right. I, for the first time, not only heard one of his songs, but saw one of his music videos. I can't say I particularly liked the song, but I did make one observation that I wanted to share: I believe Justin Bieber strongly resembles a butch teenage lesbian. Not that I'm attracted to Justin in any way, shape or form, but he would make one sexy dyke given a small boob job. Maybe one day he'll be featured on one of my favorite websites, Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

On a separate note, life has been very interesting in our household as of late. You see, the wife and I naturally have very different hormonal make-ups. I tend to be more estrogen filled, the wife leans toward the more testosterone-filled end. In hopes of increasing her fertility, she started on estrogen pills last week. The results have been nothing short of hilarious. Not only have there been some physical amplifications that I'm quite pleased with, but I actually caught her crying to Tegan and Sara after eating 7 mini chocolate bars. I feel like the pills are helping her gain a deeper understanding of some of my crazy actions...like why I bawl to the Indigo Girls for hours just before "that time" of the month rolls around.

Hormonal fluctuations aside, we've been very busy ladies promoting our lesbian night, MaNiC, that I wrote about last week. Our kick-off event was nothing short of successful, and this week will be even better. If you're a girl who likes girls and lives in the Los Angeles area, come check it out. This week's theme is "Anonymous Numbers Night" where you'll have the chance to anonymously describe a girl you think is cute, then write your number next to the description and drop the note in a fish bowl. Jane and I will dole out the numbers after midnight, and being the little Yentes that we are, hopefully create some happy couples. Special shout-out to my homeslice QuarryGirl for doing a post to help us promote.

Have a great week!

Grilled Cumin and Epazote Rubbed "Pork" Loin
with Cactus, Heirloom Tomato and Pumpkin Seed Salsa

For the "Pork" Loin...

1 batch of Vegan Pork (recipe follows), made in one large, loin-shaped piece
1 TBSP Kosher Salt
3 TBSP Ground Cumin
2 TBSP Dried Epazote
1 TBSP Chili Powder
1/2 TBSP Paprika
3/4 tsp Ground Allspice
3/4 tsp Freshly Cracked Black Pepper

For the Salsa...

1 lbs Cactus, prepared and diced (see Kitchen Tip for how to prepare Cactus)
4 small or 3 large Heirloom Tomatoes, diced
4 cloves Garlic, minced
1/2 medium Red Onion, finely chopped
Handful of Pumpkin Seeds
1 bunch of fresh Cilantro, chopped
Juice of 1 lime
Juice of 1 small Lemon or 1/2 large
1/8 cup Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Shaggy's Kitchen Tip:
When it comes to preparing cactus pads, make sure to select small to medium-sized, firm pads. You don't want them to be wrinkly or soft. When you're ready to prepare the cactus pads, put on a pair of rubber gloves. The thorny needles must be removed with a knife or vegetable peeler prior to dicing. Also remove any nodules, the thick stem, and trim any edges off the pad as well. Wash thoroughly after prepared, prior to dicing.

First, make the salsa by combining all of the ingredients and tasting for salt and pepper. Refrigerate until ready to use.

Second, make the rub for the "pork" loin by combining the kosher salt, cumin, epazote, chili powder, paprika, allspice and pepper in a bowl and mixing throughly. Rub the "pork" loin all over with the spice blend (you may not need to use all of the spice blend), then wrap the loin up in plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for 3-4 hours.

Preheat your grill (or grill pan if cooking indoors) to high heat. Unwrap the "pork" loin, then grill over the hot heat for 7 to 10 minutes on each side.

To serve, slice the loin into 1-inch-thick slices, then top with a few spoonfuls of the cactus salsa.

Pork Chop Style Seitan

“Pork Chop” Seitan Dough:

1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
1 cup prepared No Chicken Broth
1 TBSP MimicCreme™

“Pork Chop” Broth:

4 cups prepared No Chicken Broth
1 cup MimicCreme™
1/8 cup Tamari
1/2 TBSP Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Broth Paste
1 cup Pineapple Coconut Nectar (or Apple Juice)
1/2 tsp Ground Ginger
1/2 tsp 5 Spice Powder
2 tsp Garlic Powder
1 tsp Shallot Powder
4 whole Cloves, ground
3 points broken off of a Whole Star Anise
1 tsp Kosher Salt
1 tsp Sugar
1 additional cup Water

Take all of the “Pork Chop” Broth ingredients and mix them together in a very large pot. Bring to a boil.

Next, make your “Pork Chop” Dough by mixing and kneading the vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon blend, and MimicCreme until it's completely mixed. It will be a little more wet than most seitan dough recipes. Don’t let this scare you. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. On a cutting board, roll the seitan into one large "loin-shaped" piece, then drop it into the pot.

Cover the pot, reduce heat to simmer, and let the seitan cook for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes.

Use a slotted spoon to remove the "Pork Loin," and place into a colander to drain and cool until ready to use.

Baked Yellow Zucchini, Leek and Vegan Feta "Omelette" with Fresh Dill and Mint

2010-10-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

Ahh, it's good to be home. I just returned from a week-long trip to my wife's home town of Sulphur, Louisiana aka Vegan Hater, Louisiana. I'm just lucky there's a Pizza Hut with a salad bar, or I quite possibly would have starved to death. Stomach pangs aside, I love visiting small towns. It takes me back to my roots. There's something about downing coffee at The Waffle House at 2am that brings back fond memories of post-mushroom trips and drunken teenage revelry.

On one particular trip to The Waffle House around my 18th birthday, I was so shit-face wasted that I accidentally bit a gigantic chunk of my mouth off instead of my waffle, and blood started gushing EVERYWHERE. My best friend starts to panic, and of course my drunk ass just starts laughing and screaming "Emergency! Emergency! Party Foul!". My little sister, only 15 at the time, happened to be with us at the time, so we quickly dropped her off and headed for the hospital. Instead of actually checking into the hospital and going through triage, I just burst through the doors to the ER when a nurse walks out, run up to a doctor, and hold out my profusely bleeding lip.

I think the doctor could obviously smell the alcohol on my breath, and having sympathy for my very underage stupidity, he rolled his eyes, handed me some gauze and said "Apply pressure. It'll heal". And you know what? He was right. It did.

Anyway, I'm way off topic here. Now that we're back in LA, the wife and I are very busy bees. First things first...

All my fellow lesbians in Los Angeles: Jane and I have started a new girls night called "MaNiC" at Skinny's Lounge in the NoHo Arts District. Even if you're not gay, there's an excellent reason to attend because part of the proceeds are being donated to the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. And did I mention 2 for 1 drinks until 11pm for all the ladies out there? Come on. How can you beat that.

Our Grand Opening is next Thursday, October 7th at 10pm. You can visit the website for more information here:

http://www.manicskinnys.webs.com/

And also be our friend on Facebook by clicking here:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100001533163006&ref=ts

Oh yes. One last thing. If you haven't "Liked" my upcoming book "Veganize This!" on Facebook yet, help a bitch out by clicking the "Like" button in the right sidebar. Unless you really don't "Like" me. Then we have some serious talking to do.

Have a great week!

Baked Yellow Zucchini, Leek and Vegan Feta "Omelette"
with Fresh Dill and Mint

1/4 cup Long-Grain White Rice
3/4 cup Water
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
3 TBSP Olive Oil
3 Leeks, tops removed, split lengthwise and chopped (you want about 2 inches of green included)
3 Zucchini, coarsely grated
3 TBSP Fresh Mint, chopped
3 TBSP Fresh Dill, chopped
2 cups Basic Scrambled "Eggs" Mix (recipe follows)
5 oz Sunergia Soyfoods Soy Feta Cheese, crumbled
Salt and Pepper, to taste

In a saucepan over medium-high heat, bring the rice, water and a large pinch of salt to a boil. Once boiling, turn the heat down to low, cover the pan and simmer until the water is absorbed, about 20 minutes. The rice should be fully cooked.

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F. In a large frying pan (that has a lid) over medium low heat, warm two of the tablespoons of olive oil. Cook the leeks, covered but stirring occasionally, until soft. This should take about 10-15 minutes. Once soft, remove the leeks from the pan and place into a large bowl.

In the same pan, add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil, heat the oil, then cook the zucchini over medium heat until it softens. This should take about 5-7 minutes. Season with a touch of salt and pepper, then add to the bowl with the leeks.

To the bowl of leeks and zucchini, add the rice, mint, dill, scrambled "egg" mix, soy feta, salt and pepper. Mix well to combine.

Grease a 9 x 9 baking dish, then pour the mixture into the dish. Smooth over with a spatula, then bake until golden brown and set, about 35-40 minutes. To serve, cut into squares and serve while still warm.

Basic Scrambled “Eggs” Mix

1 12 oz package Soft Silken Tofu
1 12 oz package Extra Firm Silken Tofu
1/4 cup MimicCreme
3/4 cup "Egg" Mix (recipe follows)
1 TBSP Mellow White Miso Paste dissolved in 1 TBSP Hot Water
Dash of Garlic Powder
Dash of Turmeric
Dash of Yellow Mustard Powder
2 dashes of Curry Powder
1 1/2 Black Himalayan Salt, to taste
About 1 TBSP Nature’s Flavor Orange Food Coloring (optional, for color)

Blend all of the above ingredients in a food processor . Taste for salt.

To make the "Egg" Mix

1/3 cup Raw Walnut Pieces
1/3 cup Raw Cashew Pieces
3 TBSP Raw Sunflower Seeds
1/4 cup Roasted Sesame Seeds
1/4 cup Nutritional Yeast
2-3 tsp Kosher Salt
Dash of Garlic Powder
Dash of Turmeric
Dash of Yellow Mustard Powder

Blend all the ingredients together in a food processor until the just start to stick together. It should smell/taste "eggy" to you when you're finished. Omit the last 3 ingredients to make a bitchin' Parmesan substitute. Also great when sprinkled on tofu when making a scramble.

White Soy Sauce Glazed Pasilla Pepper, Kale, Chickpea and Chorizo Quesadilla topped with Cilantro Creme Fraiche

2010-09-14T23:19:00.002-07:00

I believe that the majority of my readers are under the impression that I must eat like a gourmand on a daily basis. Let me dispel this notion immediately: I am one very apathetic home chef. For example, tonight for dinner I threw some ramen noodles, mushrooms, spinach, vegan chicken and no chicken broth base into a pot and called it a night. It took about ten minutes to prepare, and my lazy ass is completely satisfied. If i made a cookbook of what I actually ate on a daily basis, I think I'd sell about 10 copies. And no one would read my blog.

When I write recipes, I like to not only think outside of the box, but outside of what's considered appropriate for a trained professional chef. I have no training besides what I've read in books. i let my palate do the teaching. I find that I usually have a great deal of success when I test a recipe, and the feedback I receive is 90% positive.

The biggest complaint I receive is that my recipes seem just a tad to overwhelming for novice home chef, but I promise that my book will break it down into easy step-by-step processes that even include shortcuts to eliminate a great deal of the dirty work that goes into the preparation process.

The recipes I'm posting today is one of my more simple ones, that way I don't have to listen to you all bitch and whine...haha how I kid. Actually, the only thing I'll allow you to bitch about the fact is that Whitey McWhiteGirl is making a decent attempt to create an authentic Mexican recipe.

The funny think is, I threw this recipe together with much less forethought than I do most of my other recipes, and I actually believe it to be one of my better ones. It was one of those "what do I have lying around the house that I can throw together" creations. Or, what my grandpa would affectionately refer to as a "Garbage Can Recipe".

I really enjoyed it, so did my roommates, and hopefully you will, too.

Oh, and one last thing. I've created a Facebook page for my book, "Veganize This!". On the left hand sidebar, you can click a pretty little link that will allow you to "Like" the book on Facebook. So get your mouse in gear and show me some lovin'!

Have a great week!

White Soy Sauce Glazed Pasilla Pepper, Kale, Chickpea and Chorizo Quesadilla topped with Cilantro Creme Fraiche

2 TBSP Canola Oil
4 cloves Garlic, minced
1 White Onion, chopped
1 14 oz can Chickpeas, drained and rinsed
12 oz package of Vegan Chorizo (I used Yves)
1 Pasilla Chile Pepper, seeded and finely chopped
4 cups chopped Kale (any type)
2 TBSP White Soy Sauce
Salt and Pepper, to taste
2 cups Vegan Cheddar Cheese, shredded
4 Large (Burrito Size) tortillas

In a large skillet over medium high heat, heat the canola oil. Add the garlic and onions to the pan, and saute until the onions are translucent but not browned. Add the chickpeas, chorizo, and pasilla pepper to the pan, and saute until the chorizo is browned, the chickpeas are cooked and the pepper is softened.

Add the white soy sauce to the pan to deglaze, then stir in the kale and saute until wilted. Taste to see if salt or pepper is needed, then remove the pan from heat and set aside.

Take your tortillas, and add equal amounts of the chorizo mixture to one half of the tortilla. Spread the mixture out evenly over half the tortilla. Sprinkle 1/4 cup (or more, if desired) of the vegan cheddar over the filling on each tortilla, then fold the tortilla over to make a sandwich.

You have two options for cooking the quesadilla. One is to cook it in a pan on the stove, the other is to use a George Foreman Grill-type device.

If you're cooking stove top, grease a grill pan with a touch of oil and heat the pan over high heat. Cook the quesadillas one at a time for about 4 minutes on each side, or until all the cheese is completely melted.

If you're cooking on a Foreman Grill, cook the quesadillas individually until the cheese has fully melted and the tortilla is brown.

Cut the quesadillas into 4 slices, then serve immediately garnished with Cilantro Creme Fraiche. These also taste great with pico de galo salsa or guacamole.

Cilantro Creme Fraiche

2/3 cup MimicCreme (or sub 2/3 cup Soymilk mixed with 1 TBSP White Vinegar)
1/3 cup Plain Soy Yogurt
1 small bunch Cilantro, finely diced

Mix the MimicCreme and plain soy yogurt together well, and leave out un-refrigerated for 12 hours. Yes, you read that correctly. It won't kill you...I promise.

Stick in the refrigerator until just before you're ready to make the quesadillas.

Remove from the refrigerator, stir in the cilantro, the place back in the refrigerator until you're ready to eat.

Chipotle and Black Pepper Crusted "Steak" Sandwiches with "Cheddar", Heirloom Tomato Horseradish "Mayo" and Watercress

2010-09-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

This past week, my vegan immunity powerhouse of impeccable health was crumbled by some unknown virus. My throat was sore, my cough was strong, and there was more mucus coming out of my body than I was aware it could produce. I had "bear head*" for over two days. I couldn't leave my bed for almost three days. I know I was extremely ill because I also couldn't even think about food. That's my red flag. When I can't even pick up a cookbook without growing queasy, I know something's up...and that something was a violent flu that I'll hopefully never cross paths with again.

I'm not used to falling ill. It's been almost two years since any sickness nearly this strong has pervaded my tiger-like immune system. And I am one crabby motherfucker when I'm sick. I couldn't just order Jane around to bring me tea and lozenges because she was equally as ill as I. All we could do was lay in bed together and whine in between coughing fits. I'm sure it was quite a scene.

I used to fake sick all the time as a kiddo, and I was downright GREAT at doing so. Most kids just stick a thermometer under a lamp and call it a day. Not me. I busted out. I would lay a hot water bottle underneath my neck and head to raise my temperature, then hide it the second my mom came in to check my fever. It would raise me to at least 99.5 or higher. I had perfected the fake sneeze like an artform. And, (this is gross...I know) I could make it seem like I'd thrown up in bed by chewing a bunch of food and spitting it on the comforter. I was one crazy 8-year-old. But instead of seeing myself as a young slacker, I like to think that all my days at home taught me how to keep a house together and tidy while the kids are at school. It's all about the light you shed on a situation.

Gross childhood stories aside, I'm back on my feet and back in my kitchen. For this sandwich, I used the new stretchy Teese cheddar, but I'm going to be an ass and recommend using Daiya instead. I just like the taste so much better.

Happy belated Labor Day!

*(You've seen the commercials where the guy wearing the bear head represents that disconnected feeling, right? Alright. Maybe I just like the term "Bear Head".

Chipotle and Black Pepper Crusted Steak Sandwiches with "Cheddar", Heirloom Tomato Horseradish "Mayo" and Watercress

1 batch of Beef Style Seitan, made in 1 large piece
Canola Oil, for rubbing "Steak"
Kosher Salt, for seasoning
1 1/2 TBSP Freshly Cracked Black Pepper
1 1/2 TBSP Dried Chipotle Pepper, ground
4 Sandwich Rolls, halved and toasted
8 Slices of Vegan Cheddar Cheese
Heirloom Tomato Horseradish Mayo (Recipe Follows)
1 bunch of Watercress

Heat your grill, grill pan or skillet over high heat. Rub the big piece of Beef Style Seitan with the canola oil, then rub well with salt, pepper and ground chipotle. Grill the "Steak" on both sides until slightly charred, about 4 minutes per side. Remove from the grill or pan and set aside to cool for 4 minutes. Slice into 1/4 inch thick slices.

Place two slices of "Cheddar" on the bottom of each sandwich roll, the place an equal amount of "Steak" atop the "Cheddar". Wrap each sandwich tightly with foil, then place back on the grill or pan for 1 minute on each side. Remove the sandwich from the heat and unwrap it, the add the Heirloom Tomato Horseradish Mayo and watercress to the sandwich. Serve.

Heirloom Tomato Horseradish Mayo

1 large Heirloom Tomato, seeded
1 cup Vegan Mayo
1 TBSP Whole Grain Mustard
2 TBSP Horseradish, drained
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Using a food processor, puree all of the ingredients except the salt and pepper until fully blended. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate at least 30 minutes before serving.

"Turkey", Tarragon, and "Mascarpone" Lasagna

2010-08-24T06:46:00.001-07:00

There's something about being "stuck" in the Valley that's opening my creative doors. True, I also feel like I should run out, bleach my hair, get a nice set of fake tits and some microdermabrasion, but that's just an urge I'll have to resist. Regardless of my newly reawakened creative streak, Jane and I quickly realized this isn't the place we want to live. We've been here only a few weeks, and we already miss the city. I miss waking up to the smell of homeless man and burned french toast. I miss being able to walk to Whole Foods and 7-Eleven. I miss my Gayborhood. And I'm stuck here for a year. Just to placate our longing for city life, we broke into our old apartment last night and smoked some hash. It made me feel a little better. Oh well, I guess that just means I'll have to cook a shit load to take my mind off of it.

I'm trying to comprise my second book of recipes that are less complex than the first. Well, the recipes in the first book aren't really complex. Several of the recipes just have a lot of steps from start to finish. Making the seitan is what I fear will overwhelm readers the most, but it truly is so simple once you try it out. Yes, I use a lot of ingredients in the broths. Deal with it. It's what makes my fake meats taste authentic. Woops, I just got sassy there for a minute. Sincerest apologies.

What I like to much about this recipe in particular is that, aside from making the seitan, it's really simple to throw together. Especially if you do all the prep in advance. And one really great thing to know is that if you're too lazy to make the seitan, just go out and buy a pound of Gardein chicken breasts to use instead. The recipe will be (almost) just as good. You can also just use frozen broccoli (thawed, of course) to skip the whole blanching step. Definitely try to locate the Dr. Cow cheese for making the sauce, though. Just one package of it grated over a Microplane zester will yield way more than you need for the recipe.

Happy Tuesday :)

"Turkey", Tarragon, and "Mascarpone" Lasagna

For the Lasagna...

2 TBSP Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Onion, chopped
3 cloves Garlic, minced
1 batch of Vegan Turkey, finely chopped
1 batch of Vegan Mascarpone (recipe follows)
3 TBSP Fresh Tarragon, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste
3/4 lb Broccoli Florets, broken into bite size pieces
1 lb No Bake Lasagna Noodles
2 cups Vegan Mozzarella, finely grated

For the Sauce...

1/4 cup Vegan Margarine
2 TBSP Unbleached White Flour
2 1/2 cups Soy Milk (or other Non Dairy Milk)
2/3 cup Dr Cows Tree Nut Cheese, finely grated
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat, then saute the onion and garlic until softened but not browned. Add in the diced vegan turkey, raise the heat to high, and saute for about 5 minutes longer. Remove the pan from heat, then stir in the mascarpone and tarragon. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, then blanch the broccoli for 1 minute. Drain in a colander over the sink, then immediately rinse with cold water. Drain well and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, melt the vegan margarine over medium-high heat. Stir in the flour and cook for one minute, stirring constantly. Remove the pan from heat, then gradually whisk in the soy milk. Return the pan to heat and bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly. Simmer for 1 minute, then slowly whisk in the Dr Cow cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

To assemble the lasagna, first place a thin layer of sauce on the bottom of a 9 x 13 casserole dish, then layer in the following order:

1) Layer of Noodles
2) Layer of "Turkey" Mixture
3) Layer of Broccoli
4) Layer of Mozzarella

Repeat the layers twice more, finishing with a sprinkle of fresh tarragon for garnish, if desired. Bake in the preheated oven for 35-40 minutes.

Vegan Mascarpone

1 package Mori-Nu® Silken Soft Tofu
1/8 cup MimicCreme
1/2 tsp Sugar

A stand mixer with a whisk attachment is ideal for this, but a strong arm and a whisk will do the job as well. Combine ingredients in a stand mixer, and whisk together on the highest setting possible (the setting that doesn't leave you covered in tofu chunks), and mix until light and creamy. Chill until ready to use.

Vegan Turkey Recipe

Vegan Turkey Dough

1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
1/3 cup No Chicken Broth
1/3 cup White Ale
1/3 cup MimicCreme

For the Broth...

4 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
2 cups Low Sodium Vegetable Stock
1 cup of Dry White Wine (I use Chardonnay)
1/2 can of Light Ale
1 1/4 cup MimicCreme
1 TBSP Lemon Juice
1/4 cup Mirin
1 tsp Onion Powder
1 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Yellow Mustard Powder
2 Bay Leaves
2 Stalk of Celery, sliced
1 TBSP Mellow White Miso Paste

Combine all of the broth ingredients EXCEPT the mellow white miso paste in a very large stock pot. Bring to a boil, then add the mellow white miso paste and stir until dissolved.

Whisk together the liquids for the dough (No Chicken Broth, White Ale and MimicCreme), then by mix with the vital wheat gluten and knead until it’s completely mixed. Squeeze out any excess liquid, then depending on the recipe you're using the vegan turkey for, either shape into one large rectangle or flatten the dough into a circle and and use a sharp knife or kitchen shears to cut into four pie wedge “Turkey Breast” shaped pieces.

Drop the dough into the pot of boiling broth, reduce heat to simmer, and cover the pot with a lid. Let the seitan simmer for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes.

Once done cooking, drain the Turkey Seitan well. Place the pieces (or piece) of seitan on top of a drying rack, then allow it to drain for a few hours to achieve that "dry" element that real turkey has.

Use as directed in any of my vegan turkey recipes, or substitute for real turkey in one of your favorites!

Roasted Marcona Almond, Sun-Dried Tomato and Sage Ricotta Baked Ziti with Miniature Vegan Meatballs

2010-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

I hate moving more than I hate meat. It's the most pain-in-the-ass process I've ever endured. The worst part about it is that my kitchen is in boxes, and I'm reduced to ordering take-out or making simple stir frys. The funny thing is is that my kitchen required more boxes than any other room in my apartment. At least it'll be all over on Monday, and I can return to my typical schedule of fiendish cooking.

I really have nothing to whine about. Our new home is fantastic. Did I mention I have my own washer and dryer that DOESN'T require quarters? Instant orgasm when I found that one out. I also finally have a yard where I can garden and my pup can run free, so I know how great life will be once I'm finally settled in. And I have a real grill! I am so effing excited to just move and get this process over with.

Life's been great, otherwise. I'm planning a trip to one of my favorite vegan cities: Portland. I plan to stuff myself silly while drinking pint after pint of PDX's great beer. And the best part is, we're driving there. Road trips are at the top of my "Favorite Things" list, and I couldn't be more stoked.

As a teenager, I took more than my fair share of road trips. My favorite one was an extended "Life On The Road" experience that ultimately ended up in rehab. Quite the adventure, indeed. Regardless, I'm looking very forward to 16 hours in a car with my sweetheart, the music blasting and being surrounded by countryside.

On to the food. Baked Ziti was one of my all-time favorite childhood comfort foods. I had to snazz it up a bit for the sake of my ego, but this dish is great when you're craving something hearty and delicious. Give it a whirl..you won't be sorry!

Have a great week!

Roasted Marcona Almond, Sun-Dried Tomato and Sage Ricotta Baked Ziti
with Miniature Vegan Meatballs

3 cloves Garlic
2/3 cup Marcona Almonds, roasted
Canola Oil, enough for coating Almonds
8 oz jar of Sun Dried Tomatoes packed in oil, drained well
1/4 cup Fresh Sage Leaves, loosely packed
1/2 cup Dr Cows Aged Cashew Cheese (any flavor), finely grated or Vegan Parmesan
1/3 cup Olive Oil, plus more for "de-sticking" pasta
1 batch of Vegan Ricotta
2 1/2 cups Vegan Mozzarella, finely grated
3 cups Marinara Sauce
Salt and Pepper, to taste
1 batch of Vegan Meatballs (recipe follows), made 1-2 cm wide instead of full size, or substitute Nate's Savory Mushroom Vegan Meatballs
1 lb Ziti Pasta Noodles

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

Cook the Ziti in a large pot of salted, boiling water until just al Dente. Drain well, toss with a bit of olive oil to prevent sticking, then set aside.

Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil, then spread the Marcona almonds out evenly on the foil. Drizzle a bit of canola oil over the almonds, then roll them around to coat fully. Bake for 7-10 minutes, until beginning to brown, then set the pan aside so the almonds can cool. Once they are cool enough to handle, move on to making the "ricotta".

Using a food processor or blender, first blend the garlic and almonds until finely chopped. Add the "ricotta", sun dried tomatoes, sage, Dr. Cow (or "Parmesan"), and a touch of salt and pepper to the food processor. Turn on the machine, and while it's running, pour the olive oil in and allow the ingredients to blend until fully combined. Scrape the sides of the blender or food processor down once or twice during the blending process.

Turn the oven up to 375 degrees.

In a large bowl, toss together the Ziti, half of the miniature meatballs, 2 cups of the marinara sauce, half of the vegan mozzarella, and "ricotta", then pour the mixture into a casserole dish. Cover the pasta mixture with the remaining marinara sauce, remaining miniature meatballs and remaining "mozzarella". Bake in the preheated oven for 20 until fully warmed through, then turn on the broiler to the "high" setting and broil until the "cheese" is brown and bubbly.

Allow to cool for a moment before serving.

Vegan Meatballs

"Meatball" Seitan Dough:

1 1/2 cups Arrowhead Mills® Vital Wheat Gluten
1 1/2 cups Water mixed with 1 1/2 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Base
2 TBSP MimicCreme
1/3 cup Breadcrumbs
1/4 cup Wheat Germ
3 "Flax Eggs" (6 TBSP finely ground Golden Flax Seed mixed w/ 6 TBSP Water)
1/4 cup Vegan Parmesan
3 Garlic Cloves, minced
1 tsp dried oregano
1 1/2 tsp of dried parsley
1/3 cup MimicCreme
1 TBSP Vegan Margarine

"Meatball" Seitan Broth:

7 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Broth
6 dried Shitake Mushrooms re-hydrated in 1 cup Water
1/8 cup Tamari
1 Portobello Mushroom Cap, chopped
1 TBSP Garlic Powder
2 tsp Onion Powder
2 Bay Leaves

Okay. First, make sure you re-hydrate your dried shitakes in the 1 cup of water 1/2 hour prior to making the "Beef" dough. Don't discard the water once they're hydrated.

Using a stand mixer (if you have one...by hand, if not), mix together vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon and the first 2 TBSP of MimicCreme well. Set aside.

In a large pot, bring all of the "Meatball" Broth ingredients to a boil. Take the "Meatball" dough and break off little pieces, dropping them into the boiling broth until all the dough has been used. Cover, reduce heat to a simmer, and let cook for 1 hour. Stir every ten
minutes or so.

Remove from heat, and place a strainer in the sink, and pour the contents of the pot into a strainer. Remove the bay leaves, then let the seitan and mushrooms cool to room temperature. Once cool enough to touch, use a food processor to grind up the seitan and mushrooms until it's a very fine texture.

In a small skillet over medium-high heat, melt the first tablespoon of vegan margarine and sauté the minced garlic for about 30 seconds. Add the garlic, oregano and parsley to the ground seitan, and mix in well. Sauté for 2-3 minutes, then remove from heat and set aside to cool.

Once cool enough to touch, move the ground seitan mixture to a large bowl, then add in the flax egg, MimicCreme, breadcrumbs, vegan parmesan and wheat germ. Use your hands to mix well.

Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees and grease a baking sheet.

Form the mixture into 1/2 inch balls, then bake in the oven until brown and warmed through, about 15-20 minutes.

Cracked Coriander Seed and Chai Tea-Rubbed Vegan Steak Lo Mein

2010-08-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

I'm turning into motherfucking June Cleaver. First, marriage, now we're moving to a house...in The Valley. That's right. The San Fernando Valley. Have I lost my mind? No. I've been trying to find it since '97. Regardless, I'll finally have a yard where I can garden my little ass off. I've been having wet dreams about harvesting my own kale and basil for years. Just the mere thought makes me tingly all over.

The one thing I severely dislike about moving, aside from all the chaos, is the fact that I can't cook while my kitchen's in boxes. I'm left with no other options except to order *shudders* delivery. I know, I know. I'm a lucky bastard to live in a city where vegan delivery options are aplenty. But I'm such a dweeb about needing to reap the rewards of cooking my own dinner.

So what have I been up to lately besides packing? Well, I've taken a recent liking to the show Weeds. "Gasp!", you say. Jenn aka Stoney McPoterstein has never watched Weeds? Nope, I'd never seen it before. But I've plowed through seasons 1 and 2 so far, and I'd also like to plow through Mary Louise Parker. DAMN what a hottie. All my former pot dealers had names like "Blitz" or "Lo Down" and were built either like line backers or Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Lucky me.

I'm hoping the crazy in my life dies down sooner than later so that I can return to my normal, cracked out cooking regimen. Until then, I leave you with this tasty masterpiece.

Cracked Coriander Seed and Chai Tea-Rubbed Vegan Steak Lo Mein

For the Steak:

1 batch of Vegan Beef Style Seitan (about 6 "Steaks")
Light Sesame Oil, enough for coating "Steaks"
1/4 cup Chai Tea Leaves, finely ground
1 TBSP Coriander Seeds, cracked in a pepper grinder
1/2 TBSP ground White Pepper
Sea Salt

In a small bowl, combine the ground chai tea leaves, cracked coriander seeds and white pepper well.

Lightly coat each "steak" with a bit of sesame oil, then sprinkle with a touch of salt. Rub each "steak" with an equal amount of the tea leaf/coriander blend, then set aside.

Oil a grill pan or large saute pan well, then heat the pan until it's hot and ready. Grill the "steaks" on each side for about 4-5 minutes until browned and cooked through, then remove from pan and set aside to cool.

Once cool enough to handle, slice the steaks on a bias into this slices, then set aside until the Lo Mein is finished.

For the Lo Mein:

1 lb Spaghetti or Soba Noodles
1/2 cup Seasoned Rice Vinegar
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1/2 tsp Ground Ginger
1/4 cup Light Soy Sauce
2 TBSP Canola (or Vegetable) Oil
2 cups small Broccoli Florets
1 lb White Button Mushrooms, sliced
1 large Onion, largely chopped
1 cup Sugar Snap Peas
1 cup prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Beef Broth, chilled in the refrigerator until cold
2 TBSP Cornstarch
1/4 cup Fresh Cilantro Leaves
1 tsp Dark Sesame Oil
1 batch of Cracked Coriander Seed and Chai Tea-Rubbed Steak Strips (above)
Black Sesame Seeds

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, and cook noodles until just al Dente. Drain well, toss with a touch of canola oil, and set aside.

In a medium-sized bowl, combine the seasoned rice vinegar, garlic, ground ginger, and soy sauce. Set aside.

Heat the 2 TBSP of canola oil in a large wok until hot, then add the rice vinegar mixture and broccoli. Stir fry for 2 minutes, then add the mushrooms, onions and snap peas and saute until tender.

Combine the chilled No Beef Broth and cornstarch in a small bowl. Pour it into the wok, and allow it to cook until thickened. Add in the cooked noodles, and toss to combine, and allow the mixture to cook until the noodles warmed through completely.

Remove from heat, toss with fresh cilantro and dark sesame oil, then serve topped with slices of Cracked Coriander Seed and Chai Tea-Rubbed Steak.

Orzo with Home-Made Vegan Chicken Apple Sausage, Asparagus , Baby Tomatoes and Home-Made Vegan Ricotta Salata in a White Tomato Sauce

2010-07-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ok. It's time for one of my Kvetch Korners. I want to preface this story with the fact that both Jane and I are very grateful for all of our wedding gifts. Writing this even makes me feel a little bit Jew Guilty, but I'll just let it slide for humor's sake. So here's what happened...

We received two gifts via mail from Best Buy, both of which we already owned. Both gifts contained gift receipts, leading us to believe that we could easily return the items and receive a gift card to the store. WRONG. We walk up to the customer service register. It goes a little something like this:

Me: We'd like to return these gifts in exchange for a store credit.

Clerk: I'm sorry. We cannot process a return on these items. All we can do is credit the original card on which the purchase was made.

Me: But then the person will know we didn't like their gift. What kind of return policy is that? I have a gift receipt!

Clerk: I'm sorry. It's just our policy.

Me: The store still gets the money if you issue me a gift card, and the gift giver doesn't get offended. No one gets hurt. Is it really that big of a deal?

Clerk: I'm sorry. It's just our policy.

At this point, I'm ready to go Jew on their asses. I ask for the manager, explain in the calmest voice I can muster that "it's just common sense that a gift card should be issued", and finally get my way. I know, I know. I can be a bit of a brat. But for fuck's sake, isn't that the most ridiculous policy you've ever heard of? All I know is that I'll never buy anyone a gift from Best Buy unless I can assure they'll like it. At least I got my damn gift card.

Enough whining for one day. I feel much better after letting off some steam. On to the food. This recipe is a little complex with the sausage making, so feel free to just buy some pre-made vegan sausages to simplify the process. It'll be (almost) as delicious. You can also just use a more simple tofu ricotta instead of doing the whole cheese making process.

Enjoy!

Orzo with Home-Made Vegan Chicken Apple Sausage, Asparagus , Baby Tomatoes and Home-Made Vegan Ricotta Salata
in a White Tomato Sauce

For the Home Made Sausage...

1 batch of Chicken Style Seitan, drained well and cut into small (1-2 inch) pieces
3 cloves Garlic, minced
2 Gala Apples, cored and roughly chopped
1/2 White Onion, roughly chopped
2 TBSP Canola Oil
Splash of Lemon Juice
3 TBSP Worcestershire Sauce
1 tsp Ground Ginger
3 1/2 cups White Rice cooked in No Chicken Broth (or Vegetable Broth)
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Chef's Note: There are many variations to making the sausages if you lack all the equipment in the recipe. See the bottom of the recipe for alternative instructions. There are also some alternative methods included throughout the recipe, so read carefully to find your best option.

After all the seitan and vegetables are prepped, heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the garlic, and saute 30 seconds. Add the onions plus a pinch of salt and pepper, then saute until the onions are translucent and beginning to brown.

Add the "chicken", apples, Worcestershire, ground ginger and a splash of lemon juice to the pan. Cook until the apples are beginning to soften.

Add the rice cooked in no chicken broth, and stir well to combine. Cook until the rice has completely warmed through. Remove from heat.

Using a meat grinder or food processor (see photo below), grind the mixture to the texture of ground beef.

Using a sausage maker attachment for a kitchenaid or other sausage maker, take vegetarian sausage casings and fill each link, twisting off after each links is about 6-7 inches long. Your sausage maker should have specific instructions as to how to make the links, so directions may vary depending on what product you use.

If you lack any of the equipment listed above, shape the sausages by hand by rolling them out on a flat surface, then steam in a steamer basket over boiling water for 35 minutes prior to using as directed below.

For the Orzo...

1 bunch of Asparagus
1 lb Orzo Pasta
3 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth (or Vegetable Broth)
3 cups Water
1 TBSP Kosher Salt, plus more for sprinkling on Asparagus
2 TBSP Olive Oil, plus more for roasting Asparagus
2 links of Vegan Chicken Apple Sausage (see recipe above) or prepared Vegan Sausage*
1 batch of White Tomato Sauce (recipe follows)
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1 cup Baby Cherry Tomatoes
2 TBSP Chervil, finely chopped
1 TBSP fresh Flat Leaf Parsley, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste
1/4 batch of Vegan Ricotta Salata (recipe follows) or Tofu Ricotta

*Chef's Note: Depending on the type of Vegan sausage casing you use, the cooking methods the casing will allow may vary. Check the casing instructions first to be sure they can endure high heat. If not OR if you're using pre-made sausages, slide the uncooked sausage out of the casing, slice and fry as the recipe indicates below.

Preheat your oven to 250 degrees F.

Bake the Chicken Apple sausages for 1/2 hour, then up the oven temperature to 350 degrees F and bake for an additional 1/2 hour. until firm. Remove the sausages from the oven, leaving the oven on, and set aside to cool. Once cool, slice into bite-size pieces.

Line a roasting pan with aluminum foil, then lay the asparagus out evenly. Brush each spear lightly with olive oil, then sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Roast in your oven for 10-15 minutes, until soft, shaking the roasting pan once or twice throughout the roasting process. Once the stalks begin to brown, remove from your oven and set aside to cool.

In a medium saucepan, bring the No Chicken Broth, water and kosher salt to a boil. Add the orzo, and cool until al dente (still a bit firm to the bite). While the pasta is cooking...

Heat the olive oil over medium-high heat in a large skillet. Add and saute the sausage until cooked through and browning, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and asparagus, and cook for 2-3 minutes until all heated through.

Drain the orzo well. Place the drained orzo in a large bowl, then toss with cherry tomatoes, sausage mixture, White Tomato Sauce, chervil and parsley. Taste for salt and pepper. Crumble and top with Vegan Ricotta Salata and serve.

White Tomato Sauce...

3 large or 4 small White Heirloom Tomatoes (or Yellow)
1/4 cup Olive Oil
1/4 cup White Onion, finely diced
3 cloves Garlic, minced
1/4 cup White Wine
1 dried Bay Leaf
1/2 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Roughly chop the tomatoes, reserving their juices.

Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat, then add the garlic and saute for 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes and their juices, and stir/mash the tomatoes as you go along. If you have an immersion blender, use it now to puree almost all of the tomatoes. If you don't, just smash with a potato masher or good wooden spatula.

Once the tomatoes are warmed through and smashed, add the white wine, garlic, bay leaf, red pepper flakes and a touch of salt and pepper. Bring the sauce to a boil, then reduce heat to a fast simmer.

Allow the sauce to simmer until it has reduced by 1/2, about an hour.

Taste for salt and pepper. The sauce shouldn't be overly salty as White Tomatoes tend to have a sweeter taste.

For the Vegan Ricotta Salata...

2 gallons soy milk, at 90F
 7 tablespoons cultured Coconut Milk Kefir 
6 tablespoons Soy Yogurt 2
1/2 tsp liquid vegetable rennet dissolved in about 1 cup Cold water
1/2 cup White Vinegar

Bring and hold the soy milk at 90 degrees F over low heat. Mix the Kefir and yogurt separately with a little of the soy milk to remove lumps, then blend into the rest of the soy milk. Add the rennet solution and mix completely. Let sit until the curds set for about 20 to 30 minutes, maintaining the temperature at 90 degrees F.
Increase the heat to 180 degrees F, stirring constantly.

Once the temperature hits 180, slowly whisk in the white vinegar. The mixture should curdle heavily. Continue whisking while maintaining the 180 degree temperature for about 15 minutes. Then let the mixture sit for 10 minutes undisturbed.

Prepare a cheese-cloth lined colander in the sink. Have some pieces of string handy to tie up the cheese cloth and hang the cheese to dry.
Slowly pour the mixture over the cheese-cloth-lined colander, and allow the curds to cool for 20 minutes.

Tie up the four corners of the cheese cloth together, then hand it by a wooden spoon or stick so that it drains...about 5-7 hours.
You have a few options as to what you can do with the cheese at this point. You can unwrap the cheese from the cheesecloth and:

A) Salt or leave unsalted and use immediately in a recipe as plain Ricotta

B) Salt (or leave unsalted) and press the cheese into a mold using about 10lbs of pressure, then place the molded cheese in an airtight container in the refrigerator and allow it to age and become "Ricotta Salata"

Use as you would ricotta salata, ricotta or cotija in your favorite recipe. 

I'm Married!!!

2010-06-29T09:04:00.001-07:00

Blog readers, I have not forsaken thee. I am now a married woman! Well, technically I'm not legally married, but Jane and I did have our wedding this past Saturday. It was easily the happiest day of my life. Was I a nervous wreck beforehand? Yes. But a sink full of dirty dishes makes me nervous, so I'm easily rattled. So why am I blogging and not on my honeymoon? We decided to wait a week before taking off, so here I sit ready to divulge all the lovely details.

First, big thanks to QuarryGirl for the lovely photos of the passed appetizers. Here's another:

And here's a photo of the wedding party just following the ceremony...

The day was such a great one that I'm still kind of floating on a cloud. I'd been so busy planning and preparing that cooking has, pun fully intended, had to take a back burner this month. I assure you all that I'll be back like never before following our honeymoon.

On a separate note, Jane's book is now available on Amazon. It's only $6. Please buy it and give it a read. I promise you'll love it. Just click on the linky link.

Alright. I'm off to enjoy marital bliss. I leave you with one last food porn photo of our Vegan Red Velvet wedding cake. Have a happy June!

Vegan Croque Monsieur with Dijon Dill Aioli

2010-06-17T13:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been seriously slacking on blog postage lately. I've been so busy getting ready for my wedding that is just a little over 1 week away! Plus, Jane and I decided to take an impromptu trip to San Francisco for a week, which means I did much more eating than cooking. I had the privilege of trying this new restaurant in Berkeley called "Gather", and their vegan offerings blew me away. Check it out if you ever get the chance.

So what's been up in my life lately? Well, quite frankly, I've actually been allowing myself to be a lazy ass. I know how hellish it's going to be next week, so I've used the excuse of it being my birth month to get some serious R&R. I've slept in, consumed more alcohol than my little body can handle, and just plain grubbed out on my parents dollar. It's been an awesome month so far.

My greedy little ass also received some of the best birthday presents EVER. Jane went way over the top, buying me a new iPod, some kick-ass speakers, and a beautiful piece of art for our living room. My mom bought me a brand new cell phone, which I would have sex with if physically possible. My sister, knowing me all too well, gave me a Whole Foods gift card. It lasted about 12 hours before I used up the whole damn thing. My Dad's paying for the wedding, so he's totally off the hook this year.

By the way, we're registered at the Best Buy Wish List program.

Haha, just kidding.

Well, I wish I had more time to blog today. I've got an entire list of flower arrangements and cakes to sort through for the big day. I promise in July I'll be back with a vengeance!

Vegan Croque Monsieur with Dijon Dill Aioli

2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
3 TBSP All Purpose Flour
2 cups Hot Soy Milk
1 tsp Kosher Salt
1/2 tsp Freshly Cracked Black Pepper
Pinch of Freshly Grated Nutmeg
12 oz Vegan Mozzarella, finely shredded (preferably Daiya)
1/2 cup Dr Cow Tree Nut Cheese, any flavor, finely grated (or Vegan Parmesan)
16 slices White Bread, crust removed
1/4 tsp Shallot Powder*
1/4 tsp Onion Powder
1 batch of Dijon Dill Aioli (recipe follows)
1 batch of Vegan Ham, sliced thick (recipe follows..see Shaggy's Kitchen Tip below for specific prep instructions)
1/3-1/2 cup Finely chopped Fresh Dill, for garnish

Shaggy's Kitchen Tip: When making the Vegan Ham, keep the dough all in one piece instead of slicing it into fours. Then you'll be able to cut thick "deli style" slices from the "Ham".

*If you can't find Shallot Powder, just use 1/2 tsp Onion Powder

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.

In a small saucepan over low heat, melt the vegan margarine. Add the flour and cook, stirring constantly, for two minutes. Slowly pour the hot soy milk into the margarine/flour mix, whisking constantly, until the sauce has thickened considerably. Add the salt, pepper, nutmeg, 1/2 cup of the vegan mozzarella, Dr. Cow (or Vegan Parmesan), shallot powder and onion powder. Continue whisking until the "mozzarella" has melted, then remove from heat and set aside.

Place the slices of bread on 2 baking sheets. To toast, bake for 4 minutes on one side, then flip the slices over and bake an additional 3 minutes or until golden brown. Leave the oven on once finished toasting.

Leave half (8) of the slices of bread on their baking sheet, and spread them with the Dijon Dill Aioli. Place a thick slice of "Ham" on top of the Aioli. Sprinkle half of the remaining vegan mozzarella on top of the "Ham", then place the second slice of bread atop each sandwich. Cover the tops of the sandwiches with the "cheese" sauce, then sprinkle with remaining mozzarella.

Bake the sandwiches in the oven for 5 minutes, then turn the broiler to high and broil 3-5 minutes, until the "cheese" on top is brown, hot and bubbly. Serve immediately.

Dijon Dill Aioli

2 cloves Garlic
1/4 cup Dijon Mustard
1/4 cup Vegan Mayo
2 TBSP Fresh Dill
1 TBSP French White Vinegar
1 1/2 TBSP Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper, to taste

First, place the garlic in a food processor and process until finely minced. Add the dijon mustard, vegan mayo, fresh dill, French white vinegar, and a touch of salt and pepper, then turn the food processor on. With the machine running, slowly pour in the olive oil.

Turn the machine off, scrape down the sides with a spatula, then process a bit longer until fully blended. Taste for salt and pepper.

Vegan Ham

Dough...

1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
1/2 tsp Better Than Bouillon's No Beef Broth Paste
1 scant (just shy of) cup Water
1 tsp Brown Sugar
1/2 TBSP Beet Powder
1 TBSP MimicCreme
About 10 drops Liquid Smoke

Broth...

6 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Beef Broth
1 beer-size bottle of Hard Apple Cider (or 1 cup Apple Juice)
1/4 cup Bragg's Liquid Amino Acids
1/2 bottle of Natural Red Food Coloring
1 TBSP Brown Sugar
15-20 drops of Liquid Smoke
1/4 cup Mirin
1 cup MimicCreme
8 crushed Whole Cloves
Dash of Ground Ginger
4-5 Fennel Seeds

Combine all of the broth ingredients in a large pot, then bring to a boil. While it's coming to a boil...

Place the Vital Wheat Gluten in a stand mixer bowl or large bowl.

In a measuring cup, dissolve the No Beef Broth Paste, the whisk in the remaining ingredients.

Make the Seitan Dough by mixing and kneading the Vital Wheat Gluten with the liquid mix on a low speed or quickly by hand. It will be slightly more wet than most seitan doughs. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. On a hard surface, flatten the ball out, and use kitchen shears to cut four pieces.

Drop the pieces into the boiling broth, then reduce heat to a simmer, cover with a lid, and cook for one hour. Stir every 10-15 minutes.

Allow to cool, then use immediately or store in the refrigerator overnight in an air-tight container with some of the broth.

It's My Birthday and I'll Blog If I Want To!

2010-06-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Hatch Chile Chicken Cacciatore

Happy Birthday to me! As I mentioned last year, I'm a fervent believer in not just a birth year, but a birth month. I will celebrate until the calender turns July, and there's nothing you can do to stop me :) In fact, I'm going to take the week off of blogging recipes to relax with my family and have a damn great day. Instead of a recipe, I thought I'd just post that lovely photo to taunt you all.

No long rants, just a little drool worthy photograph.

Have a great week, everyone! I'll be back next week with a phenomenal recipe and one of my typical rambles.

"Chicken" and Okra Fricassee

2010-05-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

Well, my stories about my past drug adventures seem to be a big hit here on Veganize It...Don't Criticize It!. I don't want my readers under the impression that I'm some crazy drug fiend...I just happened to have some very wild teenage years. For the record, I've never even touched hard drugs. My personality is so addictive, that I know if I even did one line of coke I'd probably become addicted. This week's story is about a very unfortunate accident that happened when I was 16.

The night started out as a typical night of teenage shenanigans. My friend and I wanted to score a bag of weed, so we went over to our dealers house for a pick up. In true stoner etiquette, I offered to smoke a bowl of my newly acquired herb with the dealer. I go to use the restroom before we smoke, then come back and hit the bowl a few times.

My friend and I get into the car, and it's immediately apparent to me that something's not "all good, man". As I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a video game. My heart starts racing, the back of my head is pounding. My friend looks at my stunned face. "You OK, dude?", he asks. "No, dude. I'm FREAKING OUT!" He starts to laugh, then says "I think we just smoked crack". Another "Oh Shit" moment in my life.

I somehow manage to get my friend home, then drive back to my family's place and just lay down on the kitchen floor. All I could think about was the number 12 and how fast my heart was pacing. My mom eventually walks in and gives me one of those "I know you're on drugs" looks. She asks me if I'm ok, and I say "I'm fine". I laid on the kitchen floor for about another hour, then cleaned my room for the first time in months. It had never been so spotless. I now know much better than to abandon a bowl that I'm about to smoke. Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way.

Anyways, this recipe is based on one my Bubbee used to call one of her specialties: Chicken Fricassee. She would make it for me when I was a little kindelach, then my father took over making it after she passed. It's so great on a cold night when you want a dish that really sticks to your ribs. I know it's kind of addicting, but don't worry. No crack involved :)

"Chicken" and Okra Fricassee

20 small Pearl Onions or Shallots
1 TBSP Olive Oil
1 lb Okra, stems removed and cut into 1/4 inch pieces
2 batches of Vegan Chicken, cut into "Chicken" shaped pieces
3 TBSP Vegan Margarine
2 TBSP Sunflower Oil
3 TBSP All Purpose Flour
1 cup Dry White Wine
2 1/2 cups boiling No Chicken Broth
1 Bouquet Garni
1 tsp Lemon Juice
3 cups White Button Mushrooms
1/3 cup MimicCreme
3 TBSP Fresh Parsley, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste
Mashed Potatoes or Rice, for serving

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Place the Pearl Onions or Shallots in a large bowl, then pour boiling water over top of them so that they are completely submerged. Set aside to soak.

Heat the 1 TBSP of Olive Oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Once the oil is hot, add the Okra to the pan and saute for 10-15 minutes, until the "stickiness" diminishes. Set aside for later.

Melt 1 TBSP of the Vegan Margarine with the Sunflower Oil in a large frying pan. Add the "chicken" pieces and cook on high heat, turning occasionally, until lightly browned all over. Transfer the "chicken" pieces to a large casserole dish, leaving the pan juices behind on the stove.

Over medium-high heat, melt a 2nd TBSP of vegan margarine, then stir the flour into the pan juices and melted margarine. Add in the White Wine, and whisk to combine. Whisk in the boiling no chicken broth, bouquet garni and lemon juice. Stirring constantly, bring the mixture to a boil. Allow the mixture to boil until the sauce has thickened, then season with salt and pepper and pour over the "chicken". Cover the casserole dish with a lid, then place in the oven to cook for 1 hour.

Drain the Pearl Onions or Shallots well, then peel. Clean out the frying pan that you used for the "chicken", then add the remaining 1 TBSP of vegan margarine and heat until fully melted. Add the mushrooms and onions (or shallots) to the pan, and cook for 5 minutes, turning frequently, until the mushrooms and onions are lightly browned. Add the mushrooms, onions (or shallots) and okra to the casserole dish with the "chicken".

Cook for an additional hour until the vegan chicken is nice and tender. Using a slotted spoon, remove the "chicken" and veggies from the sauce and place them in a serving dish. Stir the MimicCreme and Fresh Parsley into the sauce, and whisk well to combine. Taste for salt and pepper. Pour the sauce back over the "chicken" and veggies, then garnish with more fresh parsley. Serve over mashed potatoes or rice.

Blue Fried "Shrimp", Morel, Sprouting Broccoli, Ramp and Baby Arugula Salad with a Fiddlehead Remoulade Dressing

2010-05-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

My life has me so busy lately that I completely missed my two year blogaversary! Happy belated 2nd blogaversary to me. I can't believe I've been posting here almost every week for two years and I've yet to run out of silly things to talk about. If you've been reading for a while, you know I usually go for laughs, and I suppose my life is pretty funny on a daily basis.

This week, the humor in my world is more about sheer situational irony. Last Friday, I'm sitting at my desk sipping my morning coffee when my phone rings: it's my agent's office. "You have an audition, and it's today", the say. "Great!", I think to myself. I love getting auditions. "What's it for?", I ask. "Jimmy Dean Sausage."

That's when my heart stops. I have an "Oh Shit" Moment. A million thoughts start racing through my mind. Do I have to eat the sausage? Should I even go on the audition? Can I really endorse a product I don't actually stand behind or want to further the consumption of?

Of course, the immediate "go to" answer is to not go. But hear me out on this one: commercials pay a bank load. I've been strapped for cash for months, and booking a commercial would be one answer to my problems. As long as I don't eat it, what's the harm? Well, the harm is that I could end up:

A) Responsible for increasing the death of animals by endorsing a product with my "Sell It" smile
B) Actually increase the number of people who want to consume such products by endorsing it and making something gross look appetizing.

So what did I do? I went to the audition. I got a call-back. I went to the call back. I'm now waiting to find out if I actually booked the damn gig. What I'll actually do if I book is another story, and the thoughts have been plaguing my mind all day. Like I said, my life is funny that way. The vegan in a sausage commercial. Go fucking figure.

Anyway, let's talk about something vegan and delicious. This week, I'm posting a very seasonal, Farmers Market driven SALAD! Yes, the "S" word. I actually posted something light and (almost) healthy. My little sister made the trek up from the OC to L.A. so that she could find herself some green garlic at the amazing Santa Monica Farmers Market, and I took it as an opportunity to score a shit load of great produce. I then set to work on this work or art, and I highly recommend you at least try making the dressing. It's yummy and refreshing.

Have a great week!

Blue Fried "Shrimp", Morel, Sprouting Broccoli, Ramp and Baby Arugula Salad with a Fiddlehead Remoulade Dressing

For the Dressing...

1/4 cup MimicCreme mixed with 2 TBSP Egg Mix
1 cup raw Fiddlehead Ferns
The juice of 1 Lemon
1/4 cup chopped Green Onions
1/4 cup chopped Celery
1 TBSP Horseradish
3 TBSP Whole-Grain Mustard
3 TBSP Yellow Mustard
3 TBSP Vegan Ketchup
3 TBSP Chopped Parsley
Salt, to taste
Freshly Ground Black Pepper, to taste
Pinch of Cayenne Pepper
1 cup Olive Oil

For the Salad...

1/2 lb Morel Mushrooms, cleaned
2 cups Sprouting Broccoli
5 TBSP Vegan Margarine
Salt and Pepper, to taste
5 cups Ramps, roughly chopped and stems discarded
5 cups Baby Arugula
2 packages of Frozen Vegan Shrimp, thawed
2 cups Hot Sauce
2 cups Unbleached White Flour
2 cups Blue Cornmeal
Vegetable Oil, enough for frying
Creole Seasoning (Cajun Blast or Tony Cachere's), to taste
1 large Sweet Onion, sliced into thin rings
3 TBSP Chopped Parsley

Combine all of the dressing ingredients except oil, salt, pepper and cayenne in a food processor, and blend until smooth. Season with the salt, pepper and cayenne to taste. Turn the machine back on, and slowly pour in the olive oil while the machine is still running until thick. Add more salt, pepper and cayenne if needed.

In a large skillet over medium high heat, melt the vegan margarine. Add the morels and sprouting broccoli, then toss well to combine. Season with salt and pepper, then saute for about 5-6 minutes until the morels and broccoli are softened and browning. Remove from heat and set aside.

Take the thawed Vegan Shrimp, and toss with the hot sauce in a mixing bowl. In a separate mixing bowl, combine the flour, blue cornmeal, and as much Creole Seasoning as you desire. In batches, toss the Vegan Shrimp in the cornmeal/flour/seasoning mix, making sure they're coated completely. Shake off any excess flour.

Heat 5-6 inches of Vegetable Oil in a very deep pot until it reaches 350 degrees. Fry the Vegan Shrimp in batches for about 3 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.

For the salad, using a large bowl, toss the ramps and arugula with half of the dressing and a touch of salt and pepper. Place a mound of greens in the center of each plate, then lay a few onion slices over the greens. Place a few shrimp atop the greens, then lay the morels and sprouting broccoli around the mound of greens. Garnish with the freshly chopped parsley.

Roasted White Eggplant Alfredo Sauce with Fresh Fennel and Spinach

2010-04-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

It's time for some more Kvetch Corner!

Sometimes I feel like I'm a victim of ageism. My 25th birthday is fast approaching, and I still am told on a daily basis that I look like a 15 year old. When people ask me my secret, I tell them it's because I moisturize with this new French lotion called toilette de bébé. It’s French for Baby Toilette. It’s actually made of of Aloe Vera, Primrose and Baby Urine. Keeps me looking youthful. Alright. I'm kidding. I'm just feeling sassy today.

All the time, people tell me how lucky I am because I look so young. But when I try to get a haircut at Fantastic Sams and they lead me over to the Rocket Ship chair and hand me a lolly pop, I don’t feel so fucking lucky. When a bouncer at the bar laughs at me before even asking for my ID, I don’t feel so fucking lucky. When I get all you can eat Mongolian BBQ for free because they waitress thinks I’m under 13, then I feel lucky.

Enough on that topic. There's been something else that had been irking me for the past few weeks. If you can't tell from reading my past blog posts (or this post for that matter), I'm just a little on the crazy side. I receive health insurance through the Actors Unions, but there's one slight problem. The Screen Actors’ Guild’s health insurance plan DOES NOT cover mental health care. Neither does the Writers Guild. At first, I was really angry about it. But after some though, they’re actually pretty smart smart because all writers and actors are crazy mo fo's. If they did cover all of our mental health expenses, there wouldn’t be any funds left over to pay for my pap smear, so I guess I can’t hold too much of a grudge.

Well, I'm clearly just rambling about nothing today. Let's chat about food for a while. This is a redux of a recipe I posted about two years ago, but it's one of my favorites. Check your local farmers market to locate yourself some white eggplants. You can use regular, but the white ones have a nuttier/creamier taste that make for an excellent "alfredo" sauce.

Roasted White Eggplant Alfredo Sauce with Fresh Fennel and Spinach

• 1 package Fettuccini Noodles (or use the Pasta Guide on pg 48 to
make your own!)
• 2 Large White Eggplants (You can substitute Purple Eggplant)
• 2 cups Fresh Spinach Leaves
• 1/2 large Yellow Onion, thinly sliced
• 3 cloves Garlic, quartered
• 1 Fresh Fennel Bulb, thinly sliced
• 1 TBSP Fresh Lemon Juice
• 1/3 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 1 Cup MimicCremeTM (or Alternative, pg 33)
• 1 1/2 cup Dry White Wine
• 1 tsp Thyme
• 1 tsp Dried Sweet Basil
• Sea Salt and Pepper (to taste)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Take white eggplants, prick all over with a
fork, and brush lightly with olive oil...

Place them in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until soft, turning them over after 20 minutes. Set aside to cool.

If you're not using MimicCreme, mix soy milk and apple cider vinegar together, and set aside to coagulate.

Cook Pasta until al dente, drain well and toss with a little extra virgin olive
oil to prevent sticking.

Heat the 1/3-cup olive oil in a large sauté pan over medium heat, and sauté
fennel, onion and herbs for 5-10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add white
wine and lemon juice, then simmer until liquid reduces and veggies are
tender.

Once the eggplants are cooled, slice in half length-wise and scoop the
"innards" into a blender or food processor. Add MimicCreme (or soy milk
mix) and garlic to the blender, and blend until smooth and sauce-like. Pour
the mixture into the skillet with the fennel and onion, and mix in well. Salt
and pepper to taste. Add the spinach to the sauce, and reduce heat to low.
Simmer on low 5 minutes, serve over pasta and garnish with fresh fennel
fronds.

Ditalini, Kale, Rainbow Chard and Kalamatas Braised in a Black Garlic and White Wine Reduction + A Guest Post!

2010-04-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

What a week I've had! My typical day-to-day life consists of me waking up, chugging three cups of coffee (yes, I "chug" coffee), surfing the Internet, writing a recipe or two, going to the grocery store, cooking a little, then possibly indulging in some intoxicating substance(s) to wash my cares away. My routine rarely wavers. For whatever reason, the universe decided the past few days would consist of some mayhem.

It started off as a typical Saturday night. The wife and I have a really good male friend we always hang out with. Let's just call him John for the story's sake. John is hanging out at our place, and his motorcycle is in the shop at the moment. He wants to go to the bar with some of his friends, so we decide to let him borrow our second car instead of him having to take the bus.

Big mistake.

You see, John is fond of playing practical jokes on Jane and I. When my phone rings and John says "I've just been arrested and am about to go to jail for a few days", the first words out of my mouth are, "So I'll see you in 20 minutes, jack ass?". Turns out I was the jack ass. I egg him on for about 5 minutes, thinking he's joking with me when he says "I now have a DUI and they are jailing me for a few old warrants". Finally, I hear the cops shouting at him to "make it quick", and realize he's not kidding. And to top it all off, he's driving our car.

Since it was a Saturday night and parking meters are free all day Sunday, the cops were nice enough to park the car in a legal spot. Problem was, they took the keys downtown to the station with John. I had less than 24 hours to obtain my keys and return the car to safety before it was impounded. Being the lucky bitch that I am, I got to spend all day Sunday at the LA County Jail trying to safely return my vehicle. And let me tell you how simple they make it! On the phone, the cops told John to tell me all I have to do is go to the station and pick up the keys. We arrive at 11AM. The officer in charge tells me "Oh, no. You can't just get them back. You need his permission first. But visiting hours aren't until 1pm." Fine. We can kill some time. I get his permission at 1pm, head to the front desk, and am then told "Oh, no ma'am. We can't actually release the property until 3pm."

Why on earth am I being forced to suffer for someone else's mistake?! Killing the first two hours in downtown LA was difficult enough. I shouldn't have to "do time" just to get back my damn property.

They ended up giving me ALL of his belongings, including his shoe laces. Just to punish him a little, I stole all the quarters he had had in his pocket so I could do a load of laundry. So there.

And in case you're wondering, John is now safely out of jail with minimal fines and sentencing. He really is a good kid, but like we touched on last week, sometimes we don't always make the brightest decisions. Lesson learned? Don't loan your car to someone you know is going to the bar.

Anyways, this week you're in for a special treat! Two recipes, one post. The lovely Donna has prepared an article entitled "Easy Vegan Eating" to serve as a guest post. I'm keeping my recipe this week short and simple so you can focus on hers (which follows).

Oh, and don't drink and drive, kids. Not only could you kill someone, but I won't bail you out, either.

Ditalini, Kale, Rainbow Chard and Kalamatas
Braised in a Black Garlic and White Wine Reduction

1/2 lb Ditalini Pasta (or substitute with Miniature Penne)
1/2 lb Lacinto Kale
1/2 lb Curly Green Kale
1/2 lb Rainbow Chard
2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
2 TBSP Olive Oil, plus more for "de-sticking" pasta.
1 medium Onion, halved and thinly sliced
1/3 cup Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
1/3 cup Dry White Wine
2-3 TBSP Fresh Lemon Juice
4 cloves Black Garlic, minced (or substitute with plain ole Garlic)
1/2 cup Kalamata Olives, sliced
Salt and Pepper, to taste
Dr. Cow's Tree Nut Cheese, finely grated, for garnish (or Vegan Parmesan)

Bring two large pots of salted water to a boil...one for the pasta, the other for the greens.

First boil the Ditalini Pasta until just al Dente, drain well, then rinse with cold water and drain again. Toss with a bit of Olive Oil to prevent sticking. Set aside.

Next boil the Kales and Chard for 5 minutes. Drain well, set aside until cool enough to handle, then coarsely chop. Set aside.

In a large, deep skillet, melt the margarine in the olive oil over medium low heat. Add the onions and black garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions have softened. Add the No Chicken Broth, White Wine and Lemon Juice, and allow the sauce to simmer until it reduces by 1/3rd.

Toss in the Kale, Chard and Olives until thoroughly combined.

Cover and cook for 3 more minutes.

Remove the pan from heat, toss with the pasta, season with salt and pepper, then garnish with vegan Parmesan.

Serve immediately or at room temperature.

Easy Vegan Eating

Making the switch to the vegan lifestyle can be tough for people who want to get healthy but aren't the most talented cooks in the world. With that in mind, I've gathered a few simple recipes to guide you through a day of meals and show you that with a little bit of preparation, even the most clueless chef can whip up a healthy, vegetarian entree.

Breakfast: Pancakes
Pancakes are a breakfast staple, and a lot easier to make than you'd think. Plus, by using soymilk instead of cow's milk, you can make them vegan with ease. Here's what you'll need for a batch that serves four:
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp sugar
1 1/2 cups soymilk (or water)
2 tbsps vegetable oil

All you do is mix and pour. Mix the dry ingredients together and stir in the wet ingredients. You can add water a tablespoon at a time to thin out the batter if it's too thick. After that, pour the mixture onto a nonstick pan and cook over medium heat, making sure to flip them when the edges start to brown. It's a simple, fast, vegan way to start the day.

Lunch: Vegan Mac and Cheese
Like many "regular" meals, mac and cheese can be turned into a vegan one with just a few ingredient substitutions available from your local grocery or organic food store. This recipe yields eight servings:
1 lb pasta
2 cups vanilla soy/rice milk
2 tbsps soy margarine
1 cup nutritional yeast
1 tsp turmeric
1/4 tsp ground sage
1 tsp salt
3/4 tsp ground pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder

Again, it's a simple process once you've assembled the ingredients. Cook and drain the pasta, and then combine it with the other ingredients in a large bowl. Mix thoroughly and serve. That's it!

Dinner: Quesadillas
Here's a great, easy meal that won't tax your cooking skills. It serves eight, and it's a tasty way to end the day. Here's what you'll need:
1 can (15 oz.) garbanzo beans
1/2 cup water-packed roasted red pepper
3 tbsps lemon juice
1 tbsp tahini
1 peeled garlic clove
1/4 tsp cumin
8 corn tortillas
1/2 cup chopped green onions
1 cup salsa

Drain the beans and put them in a food processor with the red pepper, lemon juice, tahini, garlic, and cumin. Blend the ingredients until they're smooth. Spread two or three tablespoons of the mix onto a tortilla and place it on a nonstick pan over medium heat. Sprinkle with the desired amount of onions and salsa, then cover it with another tortilla and cook for two or three minutes, until the bottom tortilla is warm. Flip it over and cook on the other side for a minute, and you're done.

These are pretty simple recipes designed to show beginner vegans and amateur cooks that it's possible to prepare a smart meal without being an expert behind the frying pan. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty with ingredients, and soon enough you'll be able to make a variety of vegan dishes. Enjoy!

By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Donna Moore, who writes on the topics of massage therapy schools. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: donnamoore20@gmail.com.

Vegan Chicken and Jicama Pho with Basil Mint, Cilantro, Garlic and Lemon Pistou

2010-04-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that my tales of teenage stoner-dom are a much bigger hit with all you lovely readers than stories about my Brazilian waxing. This week, I'll divulge a tale of psychedelic proportions that my family has yet to let me live down. You see, I used to have a torrid love affair with magic mushrooms. I had many a great trip, leaving me feeling divinely connected with the universe and all those around me. But there was one trip in particular that, well, let's just say it wasn't "all good, man".

My best friend's grandfather had just passed away, and I made the trek back to Youngstown to support her and attend the funeral. I also happened to bring with me one gigantic mushroom that I'd been saving for a special occasion. I don't know what in my sick head led me to believe that the eve of a funeral counted as such, but when you're 18, your idea of a good decision is usually clouded by negative external influence. Here's how the night played out...

My best friend and I are at my childhood home sitting on the back porch. I split the gigantic mushroom in half, and I consumed the larger part. All's going well as we sit watching the iTunes visualizer, and I decided to get up and use the bathroom. That's when it all started to go downhill. (I'm going to mention now that my entire family was home at the time. Like I said, I wasn't the best at making decisions). That's when the shrooms started to kick in. I look in the mirror, and suddenly have no idea who I am, where I am, or even the fact that I just ate mushrooms. I was a complete blank slate.

At a loss for what to do, I simply lay down on my living room floor and stare up at the ceiling. My mother walks into the room, seems me laying there all zoned out, and we have the following conversation:

Mom: "Jenn, are you okay?"

Me: "Who are you?"

Mom: "Oh my god! What are you on?!"

My mother runs out to the porch, where my best friend is tripping and having a great time.

Mom: "What the hell is wrong with Jenn? Did you take Ecstasy?!?"

Friend: "Oh, it's fine, Mrs. Shagrin. We just ate mushrooms. Everything is great!"

My mom immediately flips out, thinking I'm about to overdose. She runs back inside.

Mom: "Jenn, you're poisoned. You are going to die! I'm taking you to the hospital!"

Now, bear in mind that I'm a complete blank slate, so I believe that I'm actually going to die. I start having a panic attack. My mother drives me to the hospital, but refuses to actually take me inside because:
A) She works there, and doesn't want her co-workers to think her daughter is a druggie.
B) She knows that they'll admit me to the psychiatric ward, which is probably where I belonged at that point in my life.

We sit in the hospital parking lot for almost two hours, and as I start to come down, the mushrooms have a truth serum-like effect and I confess every single bad thing I've done in my life. To top it off, I try to convince my poor, scared-shitless mother that it truly was "all good, man", and that mushrooms were amazing.

I spent a nice 30 days in rehab following that lovely evening.

My poor best friend had to hang out with my dad and little sister while she was tripping balls all by herself, and documented her entire experience on over 50 post-it notes that we turned into a poster. I keep it on my wall to this very day.

Well, I hope that story is truly unPHOgetable. Muahaha.

Vegan Chicken and Jicama Pho
with Basil Mint, Cilantro, Garlic and Lemon Pistou

1/8 cup Vegetable Shortening
1 batch of Vegan Chicken, cut into bite sized pieces
16 cups No Chicken Broth
1 large Onion
1 Daikon, peeled and sliced
5 large Carrots, peeled and sliced
2 Jicama, peeled and sliced
4 whole Anise Seeds
4 whole Cloves
1 Ginger Root, about 4 inches long
1 Cinnamon Stick
6 Whole Black Peppercorns
About 3 TBSP of Vegetarian Fish Sauce
1 lb Rice Noodles, cooked very al Dente
About 1 lb of Bean Sprouts
Chili Paste, for serving on the side (optional)
Vegetarian Hoisin Sauce, for serving on the side (optional)

In a very large pot over medium heat, melt the vegetable shortening until it's completely liquefied. Add in the vegan chicken pieces and 16 cups of No Chicken Broth, then allow to cook.

Take the Onion and peel it completely, the carefully hollow out the center. Place the anise, ginger root, cloves, peppercorns and cinnamon inside of the onion. Using tongs to hold the onion, place it directly over your stove's burner until well browned. Add to the "chicken" and stock pot. Also add the whole cloves and vegetarian fish sauce to the stock pot, then followed by the carrots and daikon.

Allow the broth to cook for about an hour, until the vegetable are softened, then taste to see if more vegetarian fish sauce is needed. Skim off any excess fat if necessary.

While the soup is simmering is the best time to cook the noodles in a separate pot.

To serve each bowl of soup, ladle in a good amount of broth and veggies, add the noodles and serve topped with bean sprouts and pistou. On the side, serve the chili sauce and vegetarian hoisin sauce.

To Make the Pistou...

1 small Sliced White Onion
3 Green Onions, roughly chopped
1 small bunch Fresh Cilantro
1 cup tightly packed Fresh Mint Leaves
1 cup tightly packed Fresh Basil Leaves
1/4 Fresh Lemon Juice
3 Cloves Garlic
1/4 cup Vegetable Oil
Pinch of Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper

Using a food processor, first puree the while onion and garlic. Add the rest of the ingredients to the food process, and puree until completely blended, scraping down the sides once during the blending process. Serve atop Pho.

Miniature Cajun-Spiced "Cheese" Beignets with Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

2010-04-07T17:20:00.000-07:00

After being Procrastination Patty for the past few weeks, I've finally started plowing through my To-Do List (or should I say To-Do Pile?). I'm not the type to just gently work my way thought my hefty workload, rather I bulldoze through it all in a matter of hours. In the past 12 hours, I've addressed and mailed ALL my wedding invitations, payed all my bills, cleaned my kitchen, wrote three recipes, vacuumed my entire apartment, took Jane to a job interview deep in the valley, and even found time for a coital interlude. A very successful 12 hours, indeed. Did I mention I did all of this completely sober with nary an energy drink in sight? I think sometimes I have crack in my bloodstream. Oh well, at least it's all done.

I find it odd because as a teenager, I was the biggest lazy ass on the planet. My room looked like a tornado blew threw a pizza restaurant but somehow managed to miss all the glass bongs sitting by the windowsill. I made my bed maybe a total of 10 times. My mom's cleaning lady even devoutly refused to even clean my room following the time she found a rotting grilled cheese sandwich inside my closet. How it got there? I have no idea. But I'm not very well versed in any topic dealing with "in the closet", so I have a get-out-of-jail-free pass on that one.

I was going to continue on the topic of how I morphed from stoner slob to neat freak, but I was just reminded of a lovely story that pertains to the previously mentioned cleaning lady. Ok. Here we go. So, one night my friends and I are passing around the bong when there's a little accident. The bowl breaks off from the glass down stem, which left me with only a clear glass tube that was shattered on one end. My stupid ass left the glass tube on the table, then I headed off to work.

When my cleaning lady found the clear glass tube, she ran up to my mother and screamed "Jennifer's smoking crack! I know it! This is a crack pipe!"

My mom, of course, goes ape shit, and leaves me the following voicemail:

Mom: "Jennifer, there is something I don't like going on at this house, and that something is CRACK COCAINE!". Don't try to lie to me. I know exactly what you're up to. You are going to rehab immediately. You and all your crack head friends need help, and I'm going to be the one to save you! "

I receive the voicemail, and and completely confused as I've never even seen crack before in my life. I rush home to find my mom holding the glass tube, then I just bust up laughing. I hold the broken tube up to the bowl piece, and my mom almost cries tears of relief.

That was a typical day when I was 17. I'm happy to report that my mother and I now have a much more fruitful relationship based on love and trust.

Alright. Food time.

Miniature Cajun-Spiced "Cheese" Beignets with Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

For the Beignets

5 TBSP Vegan Margarine, cut into small pieces
1 tsp Yellow Mustard Powder
2 tsp Cajun Blast or other Creole Seasoning
1/2 tsp Kosher Salt or more if needed (to taste)
1/8 tsp Cayenne Pepper
Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
1 cup Water
1 heaping cup Flour
1 cup MImicCreme mixed with 8 TBSP "Egg" Mix
1/2 cup shredded Daiya Mozzarella Cheese
1/2 cup Dr. Cow's Tree Nut Cheese, finely grated
Peanut Oil, enough for frying

In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine the vegan margarine, mustard powder, Cajun Blast and pepper. Add the 1 cup of water, then bring to a boil. Using a wooden spoon, add all the flour and quickly beat the ingredients together until the form a ball that doesn't stick to the sides of the pan.

Leaving the burner on, remove the pan from heat and beat in half of the MimicCreme/"Egg" Mix mixture until completely combined. Place the pan back over the burner and incorporate the rest of the MimicCreme/"Egg" Mix mixture, then remove from heat again and beat until a smooth dough is formed.

Return to the stove top again and cook, stirring frequently, for 1-2 minutes until the dough is shining and smooth. Cool slightly, then beat in both cheeses.

Pour about 3 inches of oil into a deep pot or deep fryer, then heat to 375 degrees F. Working in batches, drop about a rounded teaspoon of dough into the hot oil. Fry, flipping once, until the beignets are puffed up and evenly browned on all sides, about 3-4 minutes.

Place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain prior to serving.

Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

1 cup Vegan Mayo
1/2 cup Vegan Sour Cream
1/4 c Dijon Mustard
1 TBSP French White Vinegar
1/2 cup loosely packed Fresh Dill
1/4 cup Olive Oil
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste

First, add the garlic to the food processor and pulse a few times to mince. Then, combine all of the rest of the ingredients except the olive oil in the food processor. Turn the machine on and blend for a few moments, then scrape down the sides of the food processor with a spatula. Turn the machine on again, and with the machine running, slowly pour in the olive oil until fully incorporated. Taste for salt and pepper.

Pasta Primavera in a San Marzano Marinara Sauce

2010-03-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am being quite the bad Jew this Pesach. Instead of posting a recipe geared toward the holiday, I'm posting one about pasta. What can I say? I'm a noodle whore. I do have a bangin' kugel recipe, but I'm saving it for my fantabulous book, so no spoilers :)

It's funny because after I left home, I completely abandoned the daily ritual of family dinner. The closest I get these days is Jane and I sitting at our computer desks, scarfing down our very different meals in blissful silence. There's no fighting, no awkward conversational pauses, and no picking out bad manners. Nothing like a family dinner at all. I await the day I have a little Shag-let of my own to cook dinner for, then sit down around the kitchen table and quibble over life's trivialities. Which brings me to the main topic of my post: Baby Fever.

What is Baby Fever, you ask? Well, it's a concept that's quite new to me as well. Jane introduced it to me first.

"I have such bad Baby Fever today", she said.

"Baby Fever?!", I asked.

"Yeah, you know. When you just crave having a little one in your life to care for. Baby Fever."

I'd never heard of the concept before, but all of a sudden, I started to notice these odd longings for motherhood and all the goodness it has to offer. Of course, I'm in no position to actually have a child. I'm unemployed, enjoy smoking pot way too much, and have quite a bit of living to do before I can actually even consider having a child of my own, but the Fever is giving me the chills none-the-less.

As a lesbian, at first I abandoned the thought of ever wanting children. The only way for my wife and I to actually have a child that would be both of ours would be for one of us to implant our eggs in the other, which would cost a pretty penny. Luckily, my OBGYN tells me I'm the most fertile women she's seen all year, so I suppose the task shouldn't be that difficult...but it's still a lot more complicated than what breeders need to do to create a child. Oh well, at least I never have to worry about birth control, which is a great thing because I'm allergic to latex. The funny thing is, my ONLY allergy is to latex. I should've taken it as a sign that nature was trying to tell me I was actually allergic to men, but you live, you learn.

Anyway, I've gone off on a complete tangent. The recipe.

Yes, this is a much more simple dish than I usually post, but it's one I make myself for dinner at least once a week. I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to pasta dishes. The noodles must be cooked perfectly al Dente. The sauce must be flavored correctly. And I want it served hot and fresh.

This is a great meal you can easily throw together for a dinner party or for your family. Enjoy it!

Pasta Primavera in a San Marzano Marinara Sauce

For The Sauce...

3 TBSP Olive Oil
6 cloves Garlic, minced
1/2 Onion, finely chopped
2 large cans San Marzano Tomatoes in Juice
2 15 oz cans Muir Glen Tomato Sauce
2 Bay Leaves
1/4 cup Fresh Oregano Leaves, finely chopped
1/4 cup Fresh Parsley Leaves, finely chopped
Red Pepper Flakes, to taste
Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste

In a large sauce pot, heat the olive oil over medium high heat. Once hot, add the onions and garlic, and saute until the onions are soft and translucent.

Add the San Marzanos and their juice, the two cans of Tomato Sauce, bay leaves, parsley and oregano, and stir to combine. Add a touch of the red pepper flakes, salt and pepper, then bring the sauce to a simmer. Allow the sauce to simmer, stirring occasionally, for about an hour. Taste again for salt and pepper.

Remove the pot from heat, discard the bay leaves, then use an immersion blender to puree until smooth. If you don't have an immersion blender, you can either mash up the San Marzanos with a potato masher or optionally puree in a blender or food processor.

Set aside until ready to use with the pasta.

For The Pasta....

1 lb Spaghetti Noodles
1/4 cup Olive Oil, plus more for the noodles
4 cloves Garlic, minced
1/2 Onion, finely chopped
8 oz White Button Mushrooms, sliced
3 Portobello Mushrooms, diced
1 Zucchini, cut into 1 inch long matchstick slices
4 cups diced Kale, tough stems discarded
White Wine, for de-glazing pan (about 1/4 cup)
Salt and Pepper, to taste
Dr Cows Tree Nut Cheese, finely grated (optional, for garnish)

Cook the pasta noodles in a large pot of salted, boiling water until just al Dente. Drain well, toss with a touch of olive oil to prevent sticking, then set aside.

In a very large saute pan, heat the olive oil over medium high heat. Add the garlic and onions to the pan, and saute for a few moments until the onions have softened. Add both mushrooms and the zucchini, season with salt and pepper, and saute until the soft and tender, about 5-10 minutes. De-glaze the pan with the white wine, then add the kale and saute until soft and wilted, about 5 more minutes.

Toss the veggies and the pasta in a very large bowl, then toss with the marinara sauce and serve garnished with Dr. Cow's Cheese.

Vegan Cioppino with Roasted "Crab" and Fried Oregano

2010-03-23T17:02:00.001-07:00

I used to do an occasional posting series called "Kvetch Corner". After the whole Avril Lavigne debacle about a year ago, I decided to keep my ranting to a minimum at the risk of re-offending Brazil and Argentina. Well, I think I'm out of the red zone now, so Kvetch Corner is back with a vengeance! So what am I going to Kvetch about this week? Brazilian waxing. Yes, I put myself in the situation. But allow me to backtrack and explain....

For whatever reason, the misses and I decided to get Brazilian waxes last week. I, a waxing virgin, was a nervous wreck prior to the experience. They call me in first. The waxing technician seems nice and professional. I disrobe. I lay on the table, and the woman doesn't even wait 5 seconds before slathering my nether regions with scalding hot wax and giving the strip a tremendous tug. I prepare to scream, but quickly realize "Hey! Not so terrible."

I hear Jane's name called, and they put her in the room next to me. Our two waxing technicians begin speaking to each other through the wall in a language that I could only decipher to be Thai or Vietnamese. Turns out Jane's waxist was a newbie, and mine was walking her through it. Not only was her waxist new, but she would actually yell out "Ouch!" every time she ripped a strip off of Jane. We imagine their conversation went a little something like this...

Jane's: "Ok, so just wax, then strip down, then pull hard"

Mine: "Yes. Just pull as hard as you can."

Jane's technician waxes and pulls.

Jane's: (Said in English) "Ouch! That looks like it hurts."

Mine: "Mine's a hairy little beast. How about yours?"

Jane's: "So much hair! I have to get it all off?!"

Mine: "Yes. I know it's gross, but just do it."

And so went our waxing experience. It wasn't as painful as I imagined (for me, at least), but I limped a bit afterward and we laughed it off. I might even try it again when need be, but at a place where I know the technicians know what they're doing AND saying...mostly for Jane's sake, not mine.

Anyway, speaking of down south experience, this dish is a Veganization of a traditionally seafood based dish, Cioppino. I first had the real deal when I was snow-birding it in Florida with my grandparents, and enjoyed it many times before my decision to quit eating animals. It's tasty and comforting. I highly recommend serving it with some linguini or other pasta of your choice. Enjoy!

Vegan Cioppino with Roasted "Crab" and Fried Oregano

1/4 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil, plus more for frying Oregano (about 1/2 cup)
1 medium Onion, finely chopped
6 cloves Garlic, minced or pressed
1 cup Organic Dry White Wine
2 cups Vegan Clam Juice (recipe follows)
2 15 oz cans Chopped Tomatoes in Juice
1 cup Water
2 Bay Leaves
1/2 cup tightly packed fresh Italian Parsley
Crushed Red Pepper Flakes, to taste
Kosher Salt, to taste
2 batches of Vegan Crab (recipe follows)
1 loosely packed cup of Fresh Oregano Leaves

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Heat the olive oil in an oven-safe skillet or roasting pan (I use my Le Crueset dutch oven) over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, and Vegan Crab, and saute for about 5-10 minutes until the onions are softened and the "Crab" is browning. Add the white wine, then increase the heat to high and allow the mixture to boil for two minutes.

Add in the "clam" juice, tomatoes and their juices, the 1 cup of water, bay leaves, parsley and crushed red pepper flakes, then bring to a boil. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Reduce the heat to medium-low, then simmer for 15 minutes. Transfer the skillet or pan to the oven, and roast for 30 minutes.

While the cioppino is roasting in the oven, get your herb-frying oil heating in a saucepan over medium to high heat (depending on your burner strength). Once the oil is hot, carefully add the oregano leaves plus a sprinkle of salt and pepper, then fry for 1 minute. Remove the fried oregano as possible from the pan, then place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain. Serve a few leaves as a garnish on each bowl of cioppino.

Vegan Clam Juice

Makes 2 Cups

2 TBSP Vegetarian Fish Sauce
1/4 cup White Wine
1 TBSP Lemon Juice
1 tsp Salt
Water (See directions below)

Whisk together the Vegetarian Fish Sauce, White Wine, Lemon Juice and Salt. Pour in enough water so that the total amount of liquid just equals two cups. Use as directed in any recipe that requires real clam juice.

Vegan Crab

(Makes 1 batch. You will need two batches for the Cioppino)

1 can Young Green Jackfruit packed in water
1 tsp Fresh Lemon Juice
1 large stalk Kombu, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 TBSP Dulse
1 1/2 cup Cold Water
1/2 tsp Sea Salt
1 tsp Mellow White Miso Paste

Drain the jackfruit as well as possible in a colander over your sink. After all the water has drained out, use your hands to break up the jackfruit into "lump crab"-size pieces, squeezing out more water as go along. Place in an airtight container (leave the lid off at this point), and set aside.

Place the lemon juice, cold water and kombu stalk in a small saucepan, and bring the water to a boil. Allow the water to boil for a minute, then remove the saucepan from heat.

Stir in the mellow white miso paste until fully dissolved, then add the salt and dulse. Allow the mixture to sit until it reaches room temperature.

Once cooled, pour the dashi broth over top of the jackfruit. Make sure the jackfruit is fully submerged. Place in the refrigerator, and allow to marinate as long as possible. Overnight is ideal...2 hours should be the minimum.

Once you're ready to use, drain the fruit well and discard the kombu and dulse.

Panko Crusted "Shrimp" Scampi with Tarragon and Shallot Browned "Butter"

2010-03-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Hoorah! We have finally sprung the clocks forward. It is absolutely my favorite day of the year when the clock ticks forward one hour and the days grow longer. I am in the slap-happiest mood today and the sun is shining. You'd think that living in California would help me avoid mental "ailments" like Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I'm apparently a spoiled little brat face because I definitely become a sad panda during the winter months. There's something about that early darkness that turns me back into a brooding, moody teenager. And believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to know me during that time in my life. I should award my parents with trophies for dealing with the emotional turmoil I unleashed on our household. I blamed it on hormones, but it was probably all of the pot I was smoking. Regardless, I love the spring time...especially because it means Heirloom Tomatoes are almost back in season.

So how was Vegas, you ask? Well, I didn't exactly win any money, but I didn't lose any either. I made the terrible mistake of consuming one too many libations one of the evenings, and ended up withdrawing way more money from my bank account than I had initially intended. With my last twenty in hand, I said "Fuck It" and threw it into a $1 slot machine. I hit the "Bet Max" button, and JACKPOT! I won the majority of my money back. Thank goodness, too, because I also need money to support my other extreme addiction: grocery shopping.

Enough about life. Let's talk about food. I am one of the biggest pasta whores on the planet. Few things satisfy my inner fat kid than I gigantic bowl of noodles. When I was a little Shag-let, my mother used to make amazing shrimp and chicken scampi. I had the wicked itis for it one day, and as much as I hate to kick my mom's ass remaking her recipes, I had to do something to cure the craving. I got my mom to send her original recipe, and I set to work making it vegan-tastic. As much as I wish I had the creative juice and equipment to make my own vegan shrimp, using the frozen packaged variety makes this recipe much easier to swing. It's a great recipe to whip up for a dinner party, and is incredibly satisfying and delicious.

Have a great week!

Panko Crusted "Shrimp" Scampi
with Tarragon and Shallot Browned "Butter"

10 TBSP of Vegan Margarine
The leaves from 1 sprig of Fresh Tarragon, minced
2 sprigs of fresh Tarragon, whole
1/8 cup Shallot, minced
3 cloves Garlic, minced
1 TBSP Lemon Juice
2 10oz packages of Vegetarian Plus Frozen Vegan Shrimp, thawed
1/2 tsp Salt
Pepper, to taste
1 batch Vegan "Egg Yolk" Mix
2 cups Panko Bread Crumbs mixed with 1 1/2 tsp Salt
Olive Oil, enough for frying
1 lb of Linguine, cooked al Dente, drained and tossed with a touch of Olive Oil
Fresh Parsley, for garnish
Dr. Cow's Tree Nut Cheese, grated for garnish (or other Vegan Parmesan)

In a small saucepan, melt the vegan margarine over medium low heat, then add the garlic, tarragon sprigs and shallots. Allow the margarine to simmer until it browns a bit and reduces by about 1/6th, then add in the lemon juice. Remove the 2 whole tarragon sprigs and set aside. Re-melt before tossing with pasta if necessary.

Get your oil heating to about 365 degrees F.

Season the "Shrimp" well with salt and pepper.

Prepare two bowls: One of the "Egg Yolk" Mix and one with the bread crumbs. Individually dip the shrimp first in the "Egg Yolk" Mix, then in the bread crumbs. Fry the "Shrimp" in the hot oil until golden brown.

Toss the linguine and parsley with the browned butter sauce, serve "Shrimp" and vegan Parmesan atop the pasta.

Dill and Garlic Avegolemono "Cream" of Celery Soup

2010-03-08T11:59:00.000-08:00

I'm looking down the nose of another Vegas vacation! My wife's good friend from Louisiana is coming to town today, and we're headed for Casino Land tomorrow. Now, at this point you may believe I have a slight gambling addiction. You would be partially correct, BUT it's not my fault. Allow me to explain: When I was ten years old, by best friend's mother bought us youngins a bunch of scratch-off lotto tickets as party favors. Low and behold, I won $50...which is an ass-load of money to a ten year old. I was hooked immediately. Then I started bugging my mother every trip to the grocery store for scratch-offs. Two weeks later, I won $115 dollars. As far as my little brain could tell, I was rich enough to move out and buy property on the French Riviera.

I never really won a huge amount of money with lotto tickets again, but I feel like I've clearly explained that my love for all things gambling is not my fault. This logic, of course, makes it ten times easier for me to gamble my life savings. It also lessens the Jew guilt I feel when I don't come home with any winnings. I usually believe that excuses are like yeast infections: they stink and are completely unnecessary. But in this situation, I'm willing to make an exception. Ok. After that lovely visual, on to discus the food.

Avegolemono is a traditional Greek soup that features eggs and lemon juice. I've veganized the delicious beast, and fused it with cream of celery soup to create this piping hot bowl of goodness. Definitely use fresh dill if you can locate some. This soup also freezes incredibly well. If you're a pansy like me, there are few things better than warming up on a cold 60 degree evening with a steaming bowl of soup that thaws in less than 15 minutes.

Wish me luck!

Dill and Garlic Avegolemono "Cream" of Celery Soup

8 TBSP Vegan Margarine
6 cloves Garlic, minced
3 TBSP fresh Chives, minced
1 cup Unbleached All Purpose Flour
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Pepper
About 10 stalks of Celery, thinly sliced
1 1/4 cup Soy Milk
4 cups MimicCreme (or 4 cups Soy Milk combined with 4 TBSP White Vinegar)
1/4 cup "Egg" Mix
3 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
3 TBSP Fresh Lemon Juice
1 cup loosely packed Fresh Dill (leaves only), plus a few sprigs for garnish
2 TBSP Fresh Parsley, finely chopped

Whisk together the MimicCreme, soy milk and "egg" mix. Set aside.

Melt the Vegan Margarine in a large soup pot over medium low heat.

Once melted, add the minced garlic and chives and saute for 30 seconds.

Whisk in the flour, salt and pepper until a paste is formed. Then slowly pour in the MimicCreme/soymilk/"egg" mixture and lemon juice and MimicCreme, whisking constantly, until all the ingredients are completely blended. Let the mixture come to a fast simmer over medium heat while stirring constantly, then turn the heat down to a slow simmer.

Add the celery and No Chicken Broth, and stir to combine well.

Cover, and allow the soup to simmer, whisking occasionally, until the celery is softened to your liking.

Add in the fresh dill and parsley, and allow the soup to simmer for 5 more minutes.

Taste for salt and pepper, then remove from heat and serve garnished with fresh dill sprigs.

"Chicken" Breasts and Zucchini Pappardelle with Dijon Tarragon Sauce

2010-02-28T14:34:00.001-08:00

I'm not one to really focus on my physical appearance. I usually just throw on jeans and a t-shirt every day, and accept the fact that I'm short and a little on the scrawny side. And to say the very least, my bosom isn't exactly what I'd call "ample"...or so I thought. All of sudden, at 24, my boobs have started to grow. This radical phenomenon is AWESOME. It's a pleasant surprise to myself and my wifey. I'd given up hope long ago. My mother and little sister, to say it nicely, have gigantic tits. At 16, I'd look at all the other women in my family and wonder what the fuck happened to me. How did I lose the genetic lottery? Well, not anymore! I can now happily stop shopping in the little girls training bra section at Target and move over to the ladies department.

Ok. So I don't really wear little girl bras. I was just going for flare.

Anyway, I've been working on some really exciting recipes lately. I'll be debuting a few of them on the bloggy blog over the next few months, but I'm going to slow down posting for a while to focus on planning my super amazing wedding. Speaking of all things lesbian, I'd appreciate it if y'all voted for my blog in the Lesbian Lifestyle Blog Awards in the Humor category. While the primary focus of this site isn't to just highlight how incredibly gay I am, I do feel like it has a running chance to compete for all things funny in lesbo land. There's a lovely little link in the upper part of the left sidebar. If you vote for me, I'll love you even more than I my bride to be. Just don't tell my fiance I said that ;)

Well, that's enough rambling. I'm going to head off to Target and enjoy purchasing myself a new B cup bra that I can parade around in proudly. I may not even wear a shirt for the next few days.

"Chicken" Breasts and Zucchini Pappardelle with Dijon Tarragon Sauce

For the "Chicken" and Zucchini Pappardelle

2 lbs Zucchini
3 cloves Garlic, thinly sliced
1 batch of Vegan Chicken Breasts, cut into 2 inch pieces
1-2 TBSP Olive Oil
2 TBSP Dry White Wine
Salt and Pepper, for seasoning "Chicken"

Using a mandolin, vegetable slicer or sturdy hand and knife, slice the zucchini into 1/8 inch thick slices, place into a large bowl, then set aside.

Season the vegan chicken pieces well with salt and pepper, then heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add the garlic to the pan, and saute for 30 seconds. Add the "chicken" pieces to the pan and saute until golden brown on both sides.

Once browned, add the white wine to the skillet to de-glaze, then pour the contents of the skillet over top of the zucchini pappardelle and toss well to combine.

For the Dijon Tarragon Sauce

3 1/2 cups No Chicken Broth
4 TBSP Vegan Margarine
4 TBSP Flour
2 TBSP Dijon Mustard
2 TBSP Fresh Tarragon, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Melt the vegan margarine in a saucepan over medium high heat, then whisk in the flour and cook for two minutes while whisking constantly. Slowly pour the No Chicken Broth into the pan, whisking as you pour, until the contents of the pan are fully combined.

Bring the contents of the pan to a slow boil, stirring occasionally, until the sauce has begun to thicken. Stir in the Dijon mustard and fresh tarragon, then allow the sauce to simmer for 5-10 minutes until further thickened, stirring occasionally. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Toss with "Chicken" and Zucchini Pappardelle.

Vegan Sonic Frito Chili Cheese Wrap

2010-02-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

Alright. I admit it. Unemployment sucks balls...except for the part where I get to cook all the time again. I've been plowing through my stack of recipes one by one. I know I've made this vow out loud before, but I'm reiterating it into the blogosphere as more of a "note to self". I will post more simple recipes than I'm typically inclined to do.

This more simple recipe was divinely inspired by my stoner days of drive-through, munchie satisfying goodness. We would get baked, laugh and talk endlessly, then go through a drive through and STFU as soon as the food hit our lips. And despite the fact that Sonic airs commercials in Los Angeles just to tease its citizens, the nearest of their restaurants is actually 45 miles out of town. Not only do they put animals through cruelty to feed their patrons, but they feel the need to torture humans as well. A truly winning combination. Well, in all reality, it's on the way to Las Vegas. That scores some points in my book. Unfortunately, the only thing I can eat there is a Frito Pie Wrap, hold the chili, hold the cheese, add some veggies. What I end up with are chips wrapped in a tortilla with some limp lettuce and soggy tomato. Can you say "Yum"?!

Well, fuck you, Sonic. I will have my Frito Chili Pie Wrap and eat it, too. I even fed it to an omnivore, and they were wickedly impressed with its likeness. The most involved part of the recipe is making the chili, only because you have to make the seitan first and grind it up in a food processor. I assure you, the entire recipe is doable in 2-3 hours...and that's with some down time while the seitan and chili cook themselves.

Be on the lookout for more replications of our fast-food favorites in vegan form. There is just something so incredibly satisfying about having the ability to eat something that would typically be a no-no. It's not only about having fun, but taking a stand for what I believe is right: Veganism doesn't impose limitations, rather opens the doors to creativity. I simply refuse to be told what can and cannot be done.

Vegan Sonic Frito Chili Cheese Wrap

8 Flour Tortillas
1/2 cup diced Red Onions
1 batch of Vegan No Bean Chili (recipe follows)
1 cup shredded Daiya Cheddar Cheese
4 cups of Fritos Chips

Warm the tortillas in either the toaster or microwave to make them pliable. Place a 1/2 cup of Fritos in each tortilla, then add a ladle of chili, a sprinkle of red onions and 1/2 cup of Daiya cheddar. Enjoy!

Vegan No Bean Chili

1 batch of Vegan Beef, finely ground in a food processor
2-3 cloves Garlic, minced
1 large Onion, chopped
2 1/2 TBSP Chili Powder
1 tsp Dried Oregano
1 tsp Ground Cumin
1 tsp Hot Pepper Sauce
1 14 oz can Crushed Tomatoes
1 14 oz can Tomato Sauce
1/8 cup Red Wine Vinegar
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Heat a large pot or dutch oven over medium high heat, then add the ground vegan beef to the pot. Add the onion and garlic, stir to combine, then cook until the ground "beef" begins to brown. Drain off any excess liquid.

Add in the Chili Powder, Oregano, Cumin and Hot Sauce. Stir in the Tomatoes and Vinegar. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to a simmer. Simmer for about an hour, stirring occasionally. Serve.

Beef Style Seitan

“Beef” Seitan Dough:

1 cup Arrowhead Mills® Vital Wheat Gluten
1 cup Water
1 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Broth paste (not diluted in H20)
1 TBSP MimicCremeTM

“Beef” Seitan Broth

8 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Broth (8 tsp paste
diluted in 8 cups water)
6 dried Shitake Mushrooms
1/8 cup Tamari
1 Portobello Mushroom Cap, chopped
1 TBSP Garlic Powder
2 tsp Onion Powder
2 Bay Leaves

First, add all of the Seitan Broth ingredients to a large pot and bring to a boil. While it's heating up, using a stand mixer, mix together all of the Seitan Dough ingredients. Don't over-mix...just let the mixer go until it's all combined. The dough should be softer than usual.

Using your hands, mold the dough into a large ball. Flatten the ball out on a cutting board, and use a sharp knife or kitchen shears to cut into six pie-wedge shaped pieces. Drop into the boiling broth.

Let it cook for about 1 hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes. Using tongs, remove the "beef" from the broth, and place in a colander to drain. Allow to cool until ready to use.

"Buttermilk" Fried "Chicken" with Warm Maque Choux Smashed Potato Salad

2010-02-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

My ass is so damn happy right now. I finally quit my tolling 9 to 5! Not only was I about to have a serious whack attack, but my lack of ability to play in my kitchen was slowly killing my spirits. But I'm back with a vengeance! I didn't ever really stop cooking, but I usually plan and execute about 3 recipes a week. I was down to 3 a month. Now I can finally sit back, relax and take a deep breath of the smoggy LA air. Ahh, like heaven. Filthy, filthy heaven.

Of course, I do need to work. I need a steady income. As much as I love living the life of a freelance delinquent, it just doesn't pay the damn bills. But if I am going to take precious time away from tinkering about in my kitchen laboratory, I want it to be because I'm cooking somewhere else...not sitting at a desk like a robot on crack. I have to admit, working that job really made me question my genetic make-up. Is it possible that some of us just aren't wired to spend 9 hours a day toiling away in a cubicle? Was I just born with Stoner DNA? I am inclined to believe that we've been conditioned to think that such behavior is normal, but in my reality, it's just damn near impossible. Or maybe I'm just a spoiled little brat.

Regardless, the taste of freedom is a sweet one. I'm hawking Craigslist again for the next good opportunity, but I'm not going to lay the pressure on myself until my bank account dwindles to the point of discomfort. I'll spend my days doing some serious catch-up on things like planning our wedding, working through my stack of written recipes and renewing my medical marijuana license. You know, the important stuff. Plus, we're throwing a "Blow Me: I'm Single (Or Hate Valentines Day) Bash, so I've got a bit of party preparing that needs tended to.

Oh, and thank you for all your recipe suggestions! Keep em coming. I loved what you guys threw at me. Throw harder.

No recipe to go along with these lovely photos, but it is a recipe written off a suggestion for some vegan fried chicken. Oh, and here's a close up of that hot potato salad:

Vegan Lemongrass and Chervil 'Chicken' Alfredo over Fettuccini and Crispy Broccoli Rabe

2010-02-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's raining in Los Angeles, which means most of the people in town are acting like the Apocalypse has unleashed tyranny upon our fair city. People drive like a sheet of ice covers the roads, call in sick from work and generally panic about their hair and make-up like they may actually melt. I, personally, love the rain. I love waking up to the sound of it hitting the roof, I love puddle jumping, and I most certainly still know how to drive like a maniac even though the roads are slick. Not to mention that rain improves the typically smoke-like air quality of filthy LA. Calm down, people. It's just fucking rain.

Anyway, enough about the weather. I want to thank you all for responding to my hopefully blossoming "open a restaurant" scheme. I've never had so many comments on one post before in my entire bloglife. So this week, I'm putting another question out there. I want your suggestions for the most impossible to veganize dishes so that I can convert them for our consumption. I ask one favor, though: Do NOT ask me to veganize fois gras. I just simple won't go there, home slice. It can be anything else. Go ahead and smack me with the tough stuff. I can take it.

Now, on to this week's recipe. On the top of my list of fat kid indulgences is Alfredo sauce. I'm typically a red sauce fanatic, as most of you probably know from posts I've dedicated entirely to my love of tomatoes. But the lovely blend of ingredients that composes a great Alfredo really tickles my teets. Yes, I said teets. This recipe came about when Jane hyped my culinary skills to a vegan friend of hers, then invited her over for dinner.

"Ask her what she'd love to have." I said.

Jane asked.

"Fettucini Alfredo with 'Chicken'".

"Fine. But I'm making it fancy."

Duh.

Anyway, I'm rambling like an idiot today. Drive safe, Angelenos. And for fuck's sake: jump in a damn puddle.

Vegan Lemongrass and Chervil Chicken Alfredo
over Fettuccini and Crispy Broccoli Rabe

1 large bunch of Broccoli Rabe (about 1 lb)
1/8 cup Olive Oil
3 cloves Garlic, chopped
1 lb Fettucini Noodles
1 batch of Vegan Chicken Breast, sliced
Olive Oil, enough for grilling "Chicken"
5 TBSP Vegan Margarine
1 1/2 cups Dr Cows Aged Cashew Cheese, grated (or any Soy Parmesan)
1 1/2 cup MimicCreme
1/4 cup Plain Soy Creamer
1 stalk Lemongrass, tough outer leaves removed, pounded and thinly sliced
2 TBSP Fresh Lemon Juice
1/4 cup Fresh Chervil, minced
Salt and Fresh Cracked Black Pepper, to taste

Prepare a large bowl of ice cold water (an ice bath), then set aside.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, then cook the Broccoli Rabe for 1 minute until tender. Drain quickly then transfer the Broccoli Rabe to the ice bath. Drain well, then set aside.

Heat the 1/8 cup of Olive Oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chopped garlic cloves and saute for 1 minute until fragrant. Add the Broccoli Rabe plus a touch of salt and pepper, then toss well to coat in the oil. Cook until the Broccoli Rabe is tender and crispy, about 4-5 minutes, then set aside.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, and cook fettucini noodles until just al Dente. Drain well, toss with a touch of Olive Oil, then set aside.

Preheat the Olive Oil on a grill pan or in a large skillet, then grill/saute the slices of vegan chicken until golden brown and crisping slightly. Set aside.

Melt the vegan margarine in a saucepan over low heat. Add the grated Dr Cow cheese, soy cream and MimicCreme, lemongrass and lemon juice, then bring to a boil while stirring frequently.

Reduce the heat to low, add in the Chervil, and simmer for two minutes, stirring constantly, or until the sauce has thickened slightly.

Salt and Pepper, to taste.

Toss the noodles with the Alfredo sauce, the serve topped with grilled "Chicken" and Broccoli Rabe.

One Serious Vegan Cheezeburger

2010-01-28T14:10:00.001-08:00

This is not a recipe post, per se. It's more of a call to arms for all my of my readership to lend me their 2 cents.

You see, my lifelong dream, aside from an all-you-can eat vegan buffet in my living room, has been to open my own restaurant. Sure, I'd want it to be chock-full of my crazy, gourmet recipes...but let's be frank: it may not be the most cost effective way for me to start a business.

Lucky for me, my business savvy (and uber sexy) wife-to-be and myself have decided to pool our efforts and start our own small restaurant. Nothing fancy. Bare bones. Think if In N Out burger were vegan. We want to keep it simple, but more importantly, keep it delicious.

I've spent the past few days toying around with creating the best vegan burger (and cheeze burger) known to man, and I think I finally have a winner. I've posted the picture above, and if it causes an ounce of drool to slowly drip down your chin, please let me know.

This burger is sandwiched between two grilled buns, is a home-made "beefy" patty slathered with my own Daiya Cheddar cheese sauce creation, then topped with grilled red onions, tomatoes, red leaf lettuce, my home-made vegan ranch and a lot of my soul.

So what else is up with life? Well, it's been quite a roller coaster the past week. Personal circumstances (aka borderline insanity) forced an abrupt departure from my newly acquired 9-5. Did you all expect it to really last that long? Come on...you should know me better by now. If I can't make a living doing the freelance thing, I don't want to make a living at all. I'd rather cry home to mommy and daddy and hope that they understand that I'm a unique flower not meant for the daily toil of the rat race.

In really unusual news, Jane and I entered into one of those mall lottery contests. You know what I mean...there's some giant plastic bin containing a purse full of cash, and you drop your name in the box. I thought I had a better chance at being hit by a bus, but to my surprise, we won! We get to go spin some prize wheel tonight, our lowest prize being an all-expense payed trip to Vegas, the highest prize being $100,000. I suppose it's not that hard to guess what we're rooting for. 100 fucking Gs would allow my freelance life to continue, and help get our new business venture off the ground.

We're off to SF this weekend to meet my amazing publisher at Da Capo press, and I couldn't be more excited for the next few days. I'll post a new recipe soon. I promise. But in the mean time, don't be shy about burger comments. I am ready to jump into action, and I trust y'all to let me know what's up.

Saag Paneer with Home Made Vegan Paneer Cheese

2010-01-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

Right now, I'm seriously regretting that I wasn't one of those girly little girls that imagined "fairies and rainbows and sparkles" at her wedding. In fact, my only vague memories of extreme party planning are tied to my Bat Mitzvah...the most vivid of which being the argument between my grandmother and I when I demanded I wear a pants suit instead of a dress. How I didn't know I was gay when I was 12 is still a mystery to me. But I digress...

Jane and I have begun the serious planning stages of our wedding. We easily decided on a location (mountain top in Malibu? Yes, please.), and easily agreed on the food. Now comes the tough part. It's not the actual planning of the party itself, but more in the details I don't want to be bothered with. Like do we play "Here comes the bride" or "Here come the brides"? Maybe we should just play some snappy lesbian hip hop and "Back dat ass up" down the aisle.

What is our color scheme? I don't fucking know. I'm more of a "summer" and Jane's more of a "winter". I guess that leaves "spring" being the happy medium. And how the hell am I supposed to pick out a bridesmaid dress that fits all four of my differently-shaped bridesmaids well? I can't even pick out a dress for myself. My sister has tits, by best friend doesn't. Where's the happy medium in that scenario?

All I know is this: I want it to be fun. I want to feel warm and fuzzy with love, then get shitfaced drunk and dance on the table in my underwear...just like another memory from my Bat Mitzvah that sadly involved my grandma doing the dancing. Well, I guess that makes two things I know for certain: give a Shagrin a bottle of good wine, and the evening will not turn out bland.

Now the question I know you're dying to ask: "What about the food?!" Well, we decided to go with a blend of Indian and American. It's easily vegan, and pleases almost anyone. Of course, I offered my culinary expertise should the chef have any questions. Here's one answer:

Saag Paneer with Home Made Vegan Paneer Cheese

2 TBSP Vegan Ghee (recipe follows) or Sunflower Oil
5 medium cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 TBSP finely chopped Ginger
1 cup Tomato Sauce
1 TBSP ground Coriander
1 tsp ground Cumin
1 tsp Cayenne Pepper
1 tsp Salt
2 10 oz packages Frozen Chopped Spinach, thawed and un-drained
1 batch of Home-Made Vegan Paneer (recipe follows, or sub cubed Super Firm Tofu fried as indicated in the Paneer recipe below).
1/2 cup MimicCreme
1 tsp Garam Masala Powder

Heat oil in 3-quart saucepan over medium-high heat. Add garlic and ginger root; stir-fry 1 to 2minutes or until garlic is golden brown.

Stir in tomato sauce, ground coriander, ground cumin, ground red pepper, and salt; reduce heat to low. Partially cover and simmer 7 to 8 minutes or until thin film of oil starts to form on surface of sauce.

Stir in undrained spinach. Cover and simmer 8 to 10 minutes or until spinach turns a light olive green.

Stir in Homemade "Cheese". Cover and simmer 3 to 4 minutes or until "cheese" is hot; remove from heat.

Stir in MimicCreme and Garam Masala.

Vegan Paneer

1 gallon (16 cups) High Fat Soy Milk (4-5g per serving) 
1/3 cup + 1 1/2 TBSP White Vinegar 
Sunflower Oil, for deep-frying

Line large colander with cheesecloth, and place it in your sink.

Heat soy milk to boiling in 6-quart stockpot over medium-high heat. Make sure to stir frequently while it's heating up to prevent scorching.

The second that the soy milk hits the boiling point, quickly stir in the vinegar and remove from heat. The soy milk will immediately separate into vegan "curds" and "whey" .

Pour the contents of the pot into the cheesecloth lined colander in the sink, then lift edges of cloth, hold up the "cheese" in the cloth, and pour any excess liquid out of the colander. Completely wrap the "curds" in cloth, and place them back in the colander. Making sure to use an object that covers the entire surface area of the "cheese" in the cloth, place a weight on top of the "cheese". I use a stock pot with a cast iron skillet resting on top of it. You can also just fill a correctly sized stock pot with water to use as a weight. Leave the "cheese" in the sink for 5 to 6 hours to drain well.

After 5-6 hours, remove the weight and transfer the "cheese" to a cutting surface. Unwrap and discard the cloth, then slice the "cheese" into 1/2 inch cubes. Place the cubes on a plate, sprinkle with a pinch of salt, then cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours or up to 12 hours. They should look like so:

Heat 3 inches deep of sunflower oil in dutch oven or stock pot over medium high heat. When the temperature reads 300 degrees (or when testing one piece of cheese, it fries), deep fry the cheese in two batches for 4-5 minutes until it floats to the top and is golden brown.

Use a skimmer or slotted spoon to remove it from the pot, then drain on paper towel lined plate.

Use immediately, refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 4 days, or freeze for a few months.

Vegan Ghee

1 stick (or 8 TBSP) of Vegan Margarine

Heat the stick of margarine over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, until it reduces by a little more than half. This should take about 7-10 minutes.

Madeira and Pancetta Infused "Chicken" Spezzatino

2010-01-07T21:34:00.000-08:00

I selflessly admit to having a schoolgirl crush on Giada De Laurentis. Her perfect bre...*cough*...I mean, smile, wins me over in an instant. What woos me even closer is her Italian roots. In the past, I've rambled about my Italian-loving side. Sure, it was fostered in an environment where the overwhelming mob population spawned the popularity of the cuisine. I like to think that's why the Italian food I ate as a kid was so damn authentic. Mafia influence aside, Youngstown's Italian food was (and still is) some of the best I've ever eaten.

Now, back to Giada and her nice rack...of garlic bulbs. While many of the recipes in her cookbook border on the cliche side of Italy's foodscape, that doesn't mean I can't use them as a blank canvas to spruce up and veganize. With my hellish work schedule cutting into my typical "cook like a fiendish motherfucker" schedule, I jumped at the opportunity to cook for a group of my friends last week. Giada's Chicken Spezzatino seemed like the perfect dish to warm the frigid 55 degree LA weather right out of our bones. Special thank to all my testers who validated that this recipe is, in fact, a winner. Special thanks to Giada for giving me some inspiration and someone that looks prettier shimmying about a kitchen than Mario Batalli.

Enough boobie and garlic talk for one post.

Life's been pretty damn good the past few weeks. New Years marked Jane and I's 1 year anniversary. What a year it has been. Even though lately I find myself with less free time than someone with a triple major in college, I see true value in the moments of idleness that we can just enjoy together. Right now, I sit typing away at my computer, and she at hers. Of course, she's writing a great work of fiction while I type away about some chef's titties, but that's besides the point. It just feels nice. The dogs are asleep on the couch, and I'm surrounded by my little family. Somehow it makes this concrete jungle feel a little more like home.

What? You really thought I wouldn't bring up boobs again? Shame on you.

Happy Jew Year, kids.

Madeira and Pancetta Infused "Chicken" Spezzatino

2 TBSP Olive Oil
2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1 batch of Vegan Pancetta, cut into 1/4 inch cubes (see below)
1 batch of Vegan Chicken, cubed
2 stalks of Celery
1 large Carrot, peeled and finely chopped
1 small Onion, chopped
2 TBSP Shallots, finely minced
Salt and Pepper, to taste
1/2 cup Madeira Wine
1 14 oz can San Marzano Tomatoes, in juice
1 1/3 cup No Chicken Broth
1/2 cup Fresh Basil, chiffonade
1 1/2 TBSP Tomato Paste
1 Bay Leaf
2 tsp Fresh Thyme, mince
1 can Organic Kidney Beans, drained

In a 6 quart saucepan over medium heat, heat olive oil and melt margarine completely. Add the garlic, and saute for 30 seconds. Then add the celery, carrots, onions, shallots and "pancetta", "chicken" and cook stirring occasionally, until the onions and shallots are translucent and the "pancetta" and "chicken" are beginning to brown. Add a bit of salt and pepper.

Add the Madeira to the pan, stir once, then add in the tomatoes in juice, no chicken broth, basil, bay leaf, thyme and tomato paste. Bring the liquid to a simmer, then reduce the heat to medium-low. Simmer, uncovered and stirring occasionally, for about 20 minutes.

Add the kidney beans, and simmer for another 10 minutes until the liquid reduces.

Discard the bay leaf, taste for salt and pepper, then serve.

For the "Pancetta"...

12 oz baked firm Tofu, preferably "smoked" flavor
6 TBSP Soy Sauce
2 TBSP Bragg's Liquid Aminos
4 tsp Better Than Bouillon No Beef Broth Paste mixed with 1/2 cup Water
1-2 tsp Colguin Hickory Flavored Liquid Smoke
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Onion Powder
2 TBSP Olive Oil

Slice the baked tofu into very thin slices, then dice the slices into small squares. Place the diced tofu in a shallow, airtight container.

Whisk together the rest of the ingredients very well, then pour over the diced tofu. Allow the tofu to marinade for a about 2 hours.

Drain the tofu well before using.

Veganize It: The Year In Review

2009-12-26T20:25:00.000-08:00

January: Heirloom Bean, Red Russian Kale and Wheat Berry Chili

What a year it has been here at Veganize It...Don't Criticize it! No recipe this week. You have one minute to weep.

Okay, that's enough, pansy.

Instead of ending the year with a recipe, I decided to do a year in review! It has been quite a ride in my kitchen. First, I had to move kitchens from west side to half-way east side. I assure you, moving my kitchen is perhaps one of the most daunting challenges I could possibly face. My kitchen required more boxes than my bedroom and living room combined. Then, I moved into an apartment with not only the shittiest oven I've ever had the displeasure of using, but with about half the cabinet space I had grown accustomed to having.

Jane has grown quite fond of showing our guests the overly-stocked-with-

ingredients shelves of our cabinetry, always making sure to point out that there is only one shelf allocated to actual "ready to eat" snack foods. In all fairness, I warned her before we moved in together that the kitchen would be my territory. Sure, she can use it...but not without me peering slyly around the corner making sure she doesn't damage my stunning new oven.

Anyway, on to the review. Let's start at the very beginning. Some of the recipes I chose were my favorites from the past year, and others were your favorites.

January's Heirloom Bean, Red Russian Kale and Wheat Berry Chili [above] post started off my year with a bang when it accidentally sparked international controversy. Turns out my sense of humor doesn't cross cultures, and I received more Paraguayan and Brazilian hate mail from Avril Lavigne fans than I can even count.

February: Coconut Vinegar Cured Tofu Scallops with Lemongrass Basil "Creme" Sauce and Cilantro Garlic Coconut Rice

Not much to say about this one except that I entered it in a recipe contest and didn't even get an honorable mention. They can kiss my bundt cake.

March: Free Form Wild Mushroom Lasagna with Champagne Lemon "Creme" Sauce and Sun Dried Tomato and Roasted Red Pepper Salsa

In this post I touched on my love for all kinds of mushrooms...even the one's that make you think trees are talking to you and that eating on the floor of Domino's Pizza is a great idea.

April: Vegan "Eggs" Benedict Florentine Omelets with Sage Hollandaise Sauce

'Nuff said.

May: Vegan Quattro Formaggio White Truffle Macaroni and Cheese

The most decadent vegan mac and cheese you will ever eat. Yes, the ingredients are a bit of a treasure hunt...but why should vegetarians get to have all the fun?

June: Miniature Vegan Veal, Black Peppercorn and Basil Burgers
with Artichoke and Avocado Tapenade

Like the title says, "Veganize It...Don't Criticize it.

July: Vegan Chicken Marsala Masala with Fresh Morels

If you couldn't tell from my 9 million blog posts including Morel Mushrooms, they are one of my favorite earthly gifts. This recipe tops my top 10 list of "Ways To Enjoy Morels". Yes, they're pricey. Yes, I pawned my grandmas old necklace to but a pound. And yes, it was worth every ounce of Jew Guilt I experienced.

August: Coffee-Rubbed Vegan Steak Tacos with Grilled Lobster Mushroom, Heirloom Cherry Tomato and Corn Salsa

The post with my first cooking video. I know I've been slacking on making more of them, but I promise a second season in 2010. You know how it is in show biz. I'm waiting for results from my focus groups...or until I can afford a new video camera.

September Vegan Chipotle Chocolate Chip Cookies

A spicy surprise for my mother's birthday. Unlucky for her, chipotle and chocolate have similar coloration muahaha.

October: Vegan Sausage and Beer Gravy over Cheddar, Scallion and Cilantro "Buttermilk" Biscuits with Fried Dill and Dandelion Green

Yes, please.

November: White Pepper Vegan Turkey Shawarma with Chipotle Tomato Relish

and Roasted Garlic, Sage and Artichoke Tahini Paste

It's getting cold out. Keep warma with Shawarma hahahaha. Oh, really...I'm just too much.

December: Curry Pork, Enoki Mushroom and Purple Basil Potstickers with
Porcini, Shiro, Sake, Brown Rice Vinegar Reduction

And that concludes our Veganize It! Year In Review. I hope you have the munchies as badly as I do right now from all these photos. Well, it could've been the joint that magically disappeared as I was writing this post. Just kidding. I don't BUI (Blog Under The Influence).

See you next year, kids.

Candied Masala Yams Coulis Casserole

2009-12-21T18:06:00.001-08:00

If thinking about food counted as caloric intake, I would be one of those 800-pound people that eventually gets saved by Maury Povich. I'm sure it's pretty easy to gather from reading this little bloggy blog, but I think about food constantly. The only other subject that gives food a run for its money is sex. I guess I'm a fan of self-indulgent quick fixes, and I like it that way. When I'm not actually eating, I'm reading about food, writing about food, and downloading restaurant menus online purely just to examine their offerings.

The funny thing is that my fiance is the complete opposite. [Edit: I'm referring to the "food" issue...not the sex issue. That would be simply ludicrous]. She doesn't think about food unless I shove it in her face. She eats purely out of necessity, unless it's cherry pie. I've seen the woman plow through an entire cherry pie in one sitting...and she's 5'9" and 115 lbs. Can you say sexy bitch? Yes, please. Aside from cherry pie, though, she couldn't give a crap less about eating. When I start rambling about a dish I'm creating, I've started to notice that her eyes glaze over as her mind wanders off to a far away place I'll never know or understand. It's our differences that make us a good match...and it also provides me with a challenge.

I know that if I cook something and Jane likes it, it has to be good. I like to think I have good taste in people that have good taste. None-the-less, picky eaters have always piqued my curiosity...the first being the little sister I always talk about. Conspiracy that she and Jane both happen to be Pisces? I think not. Impressing a discerning (aka difficult) palate has always been somewhat of a game to me, so I let Thanksgiving be my playground.

"What do you want for Thanksgiving?", I asked Jane.

"Candied Yams.", she said.

"Aaand??"

"That's it. Just the yams."

"Alright", I said, fully knowing I would find a way to secretly make them spiffier than usual without her noticing. I'm like the conniving mother that sneaks vegetables into milkshakes.

Needless to say, they were a hit. I've made them with both Chicago Soy Dairy's Dandies and Sweet and Sara's Plain Marshmallows, and both versions were A++.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Jesus.

Candied Masala Yams Coulis Casserole

4 TBSP Vegan Margarine
4-5 large Yams
1/2 cup Vegan Brown Sugar
3/4 cup MimicCreme (or Alternative, pg XX)
1/4 cup Soy Creamer (Original Flavor)
1/2 tsp Garam Masala Powder
1/8 tsp Cinnamon
3 Whole Cloves, ground
Pinch of Freshly Grated Nutmeg
1 bag of Dandies Vegan Marshmallows (or 1 tub Sweet and Sara Marshmallows or Ricemellow Creme)

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, then boil the yams until very soft to the touch...about 20-30 minutes. Drain the yams well, then set aside until cool enough to handle.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

Peel off the yam skins completely, then place the peeled yams in a large bowl. Use a potato masher to mash the yams up a bit, then set aside.

In a very large pot over medium heat, melt the vegan margarine. Add the brown sugar, MimicCreme, soy creamer, garam masala, cinnamon, ground cloves and nutmeg. Whisk together well, then bring the mixture to a simmer while whisking occasionally. Allow the mixture to simmer until the brown sugar has melted completely.

Add the mashed yams to the pot, and stir to fully combine. Allow the mixture to come to a simmer, stirring occasionally, then remove the pot from heat.

Using either a food mill (an immersion blender or food processor will also suffice), pass the mixture though the food mill while straining over a large bowl. If you decide to use an immersion blender or food processor, just blend/process until fully pureed.

Transfer the yams to a casserole dish, then spread out evenly. Top with Dandies Marshmallows, then bake 20-30 minutes until the marshmallows are golden brown and the center is warm.

Let cool a moment prior to serving.

Belgium Ale and Roasted Garlic Fused White "Chicken" Chili Gumbo

2009-12-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finally joined the rat race...and by "Rat Race" I make no allusions to animal testing, of course. Yes, I found myself a full time, sit at a desk all day from 9-5, J-O-B. I would much rather have a job in a restaurant, but you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find employment for something you do well.

I have a desk. I am surrounded by a cast of characters that aren't a far cry from my favorite show, "The Office" I've spent my first four days there not only fitting every employee into mold of one of the show's cast members, but also deciding which character from the show I would be. "Angela" is a petite vegetarian, but my energy is more "Pam" and I'm far less bitchy than Angela. "Oscar" is gay like me, but my sense of humor is so much more "Jim".

Facebook tells me I'd be Andy Bernard, but Facebook also tells me I'm "Blanche" from Golden Girls when I feel I'm definitely more of a "Dorothy". Why does Facebook think it's so damn smart?

Anyway, I'm way off track here for the recipe. It has been FUCKING COLD in Los Angeles this past week. I'm not just talking about that "Ohh, Boo Hoo. It's 65 and I'm freezing my balls off" cold. REAL cold. I've had to bust out my winter down parka circa 2002 that makes me look like an orange Michelin Man. And to top it all off, it's actually been raining here. And my heater is broken.

While I can't stand the cold, I do love to warm myself up. Hot cocoa, tea, and my personal favorite, soup. This recipe fuzes two of my favorite "in a bowl" meals: Chili and Gumbo. I ate it cozied up next to my space heater, and I was in a state of bliss for a few hours following.

On a related not, you've seen my previous blasts about my friend Trevor's program in the past. They are now offering sign-ups for the next course, so definitely don't miss out! Here's all the info:

Discover How To Thrive On A Vegan Diet

If you'd like to thrive on a vegan (or vegetarian) diet, whip up delicious meals in 10-30 minutes, and stop being vulnerable to vitamin and mineral deficiencies, here's great news...

There's a new certification course, The Vegan / Vegetarian Mastery Program. To give you a sneak preview, the Director is publishing a free newsletter, “Trevor’s Vegetarian Health Secrets”.

When you sign up, you’ll get brief excerpts from The Mastery Program once or twice a week -- with no cost or obligation.

What's more, we've arranged a *special bonus* for you. It’s a yummy "Vegetarian Holiday Recipe Collection" -- including a delicious tofu turkey, mushroom gravy, pumpkin pie, savory egg nog, and more.

To get the bonus ebook, just type “Jennifer” when prompted for a Promo Code. To sign up, click here:

http://www.abbeysvegetarianrecipes.com/cmd.php?af=1049384

The Vegetarian Health Institute

5740 Maccall St, Suite C
Oakland, CA
94609

Belgium Ale and Roasted Garlic Fused White "Chicken" Chili Gumbo

2 sticks of Vegan Margarine
1 1/4 cups Self Rising Flour
1/2 batch Vegan Chicken, ground in a food processor or blender (about 8oz.)
Olive Oil, enough for sautéing ground Vegan Chicken
1 head of Garlic, roasted*
1 medium Yellow Onion, finely chopped
4 stalks of Celery, finely chopped
1 Yellow Bell Pepper, finely chopped
2 Bay Leaves
4 cups Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
1 bottle of Belgium White Ale
1 tsp Vegan Worcestershire Sauce
1 TBSP Green Tabasco Sauce
1/2 cup Salsa Verde
1/2 lb Okra, sliced
1/2 lb of White Button Mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 bunch of Collard Greens
1 can Cannellini Beans, drained
5 Green Onions, thinly sliced
1/2 cup Flat Leaf Parsley leaves, chopped
1/2 cup Fresh Cilantro Leaves, chopped
2 tsp Ground Cumin
1 tsp Creole Seasoning
1/2 tsp Dried Oregano
Pinch of Cayenne Pepper
Pinch of Onion Powder
1/4 tsp File Powder
1 1/2 TBSP Yellow Cornmeal
1 1/2 TBSP Fresh Lemon Juice
Salt and Fresh Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
4-6 servings of Cooked White Rice

*Chef's Note: To roast garlic, preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Slice off the top of the head of garlic so that all the cloves are revealed. Place the head of garlic on a sheet of aluminum foil, drizzle with olive oil, then wrap the head up in foil. Bake in the preheated oven for 1/2 hour, then set aside to cool. The roasted cloves should squeeze right out.

Drizzle some olive oil in a large skillet and heat over medium high heat. Add the ground vegan chicken to the skillet and saute until browned, about 6-8 minutes.

Preheat a large stock pot over medium-high heat. Make the roux by
melting the vegan margarine, then combining with the flour and stirring until it just reaches the color of the margarine. Add the roasted garlic, and sauté 30 seconds until fragrant.

Add chopped onions, celery, bell pepper and bay leaves. Stir to combine. Saute until the onions and begin to soften, about 6-7 minutes. Add the No Chicken Broth and Beer, then bring to a boil.

Add green tabasco, vegan worcestershire, salsa verde, cut okra, mushrooms, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Boil for about 1/2 hour.

Add beans, green onions, collard greens, parsley and cilantro, and boil for another 20 minutes.

Turn down the heat to a simmer, and season with cumin, Creole seasoning, oregano, cayenne and onion powder. Add vegan "chicken", and allow the Gumbo/Chilli to simmer until vegan meats are fully cooked through, about 20 minutes. Stir in the file, corn meal and lemon juice, then cook and additional four minutes. Taste for salt and pepper.

Serve with rice.

Curry Pork, Enoki Mushroom and Purple Basil Potstickers with Porcini, Shiro, Sake, Brown Rice Vinegar Reduction

2009-12-05T12:50:00.001-08:00

I never get sick. Maybe it's my Super Vegan Immune System or the 2+ bottles of Kombucha I drink daily, but illness does not cramp my style. Well, last week I had to change my "never" to "sometimes". For whatever reason, I fell terribly ill with the flu the day after Thanksgiving. For three days, I was bed-ridden, booger-crusted and just plain crabby. I blame it on one of two things, because I refuse to blame myself for lack of personal upkeep:

A) The ridiculous amount of Thanksgiving cooking I did for 10 people.
B) The fact that it actually feels like winter in Los Angeles, and it's FUCKING COLD.

Okay, it's not "Bitter East Coast Winter" cold, but it's damn near chilly for this part of the USA. At least I can bust out my plaid scarves.

In any event, I ate lots of soup, couldn't cook to save my life, and whined like a little bitch, and now I'm feeling much better.

I did make one terrible mistake in hopes of keeping myself occupied, though. I purchased The Sims 3. I've never divulged my former addiction to the EA Games phenomenon, but I was heavily hooked on The Sims in high school. It all started because my best friend's dad is somewhat of a computer program hacking pro. He had two computers in his office, and hooked us both up with a version of the game on each computer. It started as innocent fun, and quickly turned to a need for a 12 step group to help us de-value our virtual relationships with our Sims.

Instead of interacting with actual human beings on a Friday night, Amy and I would get stoned silly and play The Sims for hours on end. We'd exchange maybe 10 words, and demolish gigantic bags of Sour Patch Kids. Eventually, there was an intervention, and we were able to step away from the screen.

I thought I'd stepped away from the world of RPG games, scoffing at the World of Warcraft addicts. Well, I've fallen off the wagon. Not only will I Sim with a vengeance, but I've also taken quite a liking to FarmVille and Restaurant City on Facebook.

Let's just hope I find a job sooner than later.

Curry Pork, Enoki Mushroom and Purple Basil Potstickers with
Porcini, Shiro, Sake, Brown Rice Vinegar Reduction

For the Potstickers...

1 batch Vegan Pork, cut into 2-3 inch pieces
3.5 oz Enoki Mushrooms, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 tightly packedcup of Purple Basil Leaves, finely chopped
2 cups of Green Cabbage, shredded
1/2 TBSP Salt
1/4 cup Scallions, thinly sliced
1 Leek, top removed, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
2 TBSP Vegetable Oil
1 TBSP Tamari
1 TBSP Curry Powder
1 TBSP Mirin
2 cloves Garlic, finely grated
1 tsp fresh Ginger, finely grated
1 tsp Dark Sesame Oil
2 TBSP Chives, minced
Touch of Salt and Pepper, to taste (optional)
1 package of Vegan Potsticker Wrappers
Vegetable Oil, enough for fry potstickers
1/2 cup Hot No Chicken Broth (alternatively Vegetable Broth or Water), divided in half.

Purple (aka Opal) Basil

Chef's Note: You are going to need to grind the pork seitan shortly after it's finished cooking, so don't make it a day in advance if possible. Alternatively, you can buy packaged vegan chicken or beef instead of making seitan. Grind up as directed for the vegan pork.

Once the vegan pork has cooking, remove it from the pot with a slotted spoon instead of draining off all the broth. Immediately place the pieces of pork seitan into a food processor, then pour 1 TBSP of the broth inside the food processor. Grind to the texture of ground beef, then place in a bowl and cover with plastic wrap until ready to use.

Take your chopped cabbage, and place it in a large bowl. Sprinkle a 1/2 TBSP of salt over top, then let it stand for 1/2 hour while you prep the rest of your ingredients. After the cabbage has sat for 1/2 hour, use a cheesecloth, dishtowel or paper towels to drain as much liquid from the cabbage as possible. Set the drained cabbage aside to dry further.

Once the vegan pork is ground and all the ingredients are prepped, heat the vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.

Add the vegan ground pork, enoki mushrooms, leek and scallions to the skillet, and saute for 3-4 minutes until the leeks are soft and translucent. Turn the heat down to medium low, then add cabbage and stir to combine. Add curry powder, tamari, garlic and ginger and ginger to the pan, stir will, then saute another 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat, transfer the mixture to a large bowl, and allow it to cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, add the purple basil, chives and sesame oil, then use your hands to combine completely. Taste for salt and pepper.

To assemble the potstickers, prepare a small bowl of water for moistening the wrappers. Take each wrapper, and lay it out on a flat surface. Place a small spoonful of the filling in the center of the wrapper....

Dip your finger in the bowl of water, then run your finger around the outside edge of HALF of the wrapper. Making sure that the wet and dry side don't meet yet, carefully fold the wrapper in half like a taco.

Start at one end, and carefully pinch the sides together. Work your way around to the other end, making sure the potsticker is completely airtight so that the filling remains inside. Repeat with each potsticker, then set aside with the "fold" side up so that the bottom becomes flat. Let sit until you're ready to cook them.

You can cook the potstickers one of several ways. I used the steam/pan fry method, but you can also feel free to use other methods:

1. Steam/Pan Fry:
Using a large skillet with a lid, pour in enough vegetable oil to cover the bottom of the pan. Heat the oil over high heat until it's shining, then place enough potstickers in the pan so that it is filled, but not over crowded.

Add 1/4 cup of the No Chicken Broth (or veggie stock or water) to the pan, reduce the heat to medium, then cover with a lid. Allow them to cook for 4 minutes, then remove the lid and add an additional 1/4 cup of broth. Let the potstickers cook until the water fully evaporates. Once the water is evaporate, cool an additional minute, then remove from the pan and serve.

Repeat the process until all of the potstickers are cooked.

2. Deep Fry
Heat several inches of oil in a large stock pot or deep fryer until it registers 350 degrees F. Carefully drop the potstickers in the heated oil, then fry until golden brown (about 5-7 minutes). Carefully remove them with a mesh strainer or slotted spoon, then place on a towel to drain and cool. Serve.

3. Steaming
Using a rice cooker with a steamer basket, place about 2-3 cups of water (depending on the width of the pot) in the bottom of the rice cooker. Place the steamer basket over top of the water, then place enough potstickers in the basket so that it is full but the potstickers do not overlap. Turn the rice cooker to the "cook" setting, and let the potstickers steam for about 10-12 minutes, until cooked through. Be careful that the water doesn't fully evaporate.

Once the potstickers are done steaming, carefully remove the steamer basket then pour the remaining liquid in the cooking pot over top of them to help unstick.

Serve immediately.

For the Porcini, Shoyu and Sake Reduction

1 handful of Dried Porcini Mushrooms
1 cup Hot Water
1/2 cup Shoyu
1/2 cup Sake
1/4 cup Brown Rice Vinegar
1/2 cup Mirin

Place the dried porcinis in a deep bowl, then the hot water over top of them. Use a heavy object to ensure that the porcinis are submerged in the hot water. Let the porcinis soak in the hot water for 1/2 hour.

Using a mesh strainer, place a bowl in your sink to catch the soaking liquid. Pour the porcinis over the strainer so that the soaking liquid pour into the bowl. You can save the porcinis for another recipe, or discard them.

Place the porcini soaking liquid, shoyu, sake, brown rice vinegar and mirin in a large saucepan over high heat. Bring the mixture to a boil, and allow it to boil until the mixture reduces by 2/3rds. Serve as a dipping sauce or drizzle over potstickers.

White Pepper Vegan Turkey Shawarma with Chipotle Tomato Relish and Roasted Garlic, Sage and Artichoke Tahini Paste

2009-11-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Since I've already broached the topic of "What I'm Thankful For" in last week's post, this week I'm looking towards the future and how I want to improve upon my life. In fact, I've already purchased my 2010 planner...and intend to use it past January. My ultimate goal by the end of next year is to be completely financially independent of my parents. I can't really be considered a loser because I don't live in their basement. But by 25, I really need to stand on my own two feet.

The most ironic part of all is that my father is a financial planner. Instead of Goodnight Moon, I had pop-up books like "Don't Break The Piggy Bank" and "How to Make Your Allowance Work For You!". Yet I'm still clueless about and outright avoid budgeting. I partially blame Daddy Shags for my fears. I remember one day in particular during my teenage years, he gave me a calculator device that shows you how much buying a cup of coffee and a pack of cigarettes each day will ultimately add up to in one year. Instead of heeding his advice after seeing the astronomical sum of money, I adopted the "ignorance is bliss" philosophy.

Well, 7 years down the line, ignorance definitely does not feel blissful when I log into my US Bank online banking and view my account balance. So point A of improvement this year will be my financial well-being.

On a related note, if you are in the Los Angeles area and own any kind of business, please hire me. I'm smart. I'm overly punctual. I'm a quick learner, and I guarantee to make you laugh when you're feeling stressed. I'm also not that bad looking and tend to smell nice, so you won't mind having me around. My only limitation is that I'd like to work days as opposed to evenings, but it's not a deal breaker. Alright, that pretty much takes care of Point B...to find a job.

My final focal point of self-improvement is to be a better friend. Anyone familiar with lesbian relationships knows that we tend to sink into oblivion when we're in a stable relationship. The term "Cat Lesbian" can easily be linked to this behavior. I have indeed holed myself up in my domestic lesbian haven, and it's time for me to get out and live it up a little more. Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean it's time to hang up my dancing shoes, put away my eye glitter and let my amazing tolerance for alcohol drop. Point C is: Plan to party! Hopefully, this won't conflict with Point A: Plan to budget. And no, I don't really wear eye glitter.

Enjoy your UnTurkey Day!

White Pepper Vegan Turkey Shawarma with Chipotle Tomato Relish
and Roasted Garlic, Sage and Artichoke Tahini Paste

For the Shawarma:

1 batch of Vegan Turkey, cooked in one large piece (recipe follows)
2 Yellow Onions, sliced 1/4 inch thick
1 TBSP Turmeric
2 tsp Kosher Salt
2 tsp Ground Coriander
1 tsp Ground Cumin
2 tsp White Pepper
1 tsp Cayenne Pepper
1/2 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil, divided (amounts indicated in recipe)
8 Whole Pitas
1 cup of Pickled Eggplant, thinly sliced (or thinly sliced Pickled Cucumber)

Slice the giant piece of Turkey Seitan into 8 cutlets. Take a large, shallow baking dish that's large enough for all the cutlets, then place the cutlets in the baking dish.

Combine all the spices together in a small bowl.

Place the sliced onion in a 9 x 13 baking dish. Sprinkle a heaping tablespoon of the spice blend and drizzle 2 TBSP of the Olive Oil over top of them, turning them over to make sure both sides are coated well.

Sprinkle the remainder of the spice blend over both sides of the Vegan Turkey cutlets, using your hands to rub the spice blend in well. Drizzle 4 TBSP of olive oil over top of the cutlets, again turning to make sure both sides are coated.

Cover both the "Turkey" and the "Onions", then place in the refrigerator for 4-8 hours.

Pre-heat your oven to the "Keep Warm" setting, or between 150 and 200 degrees F.

After the 4-8 hours of chilling time, rub a grill pan or your grill rack with olive oil and get it pre-heating. Brush each pita bread with enough olive oil to coat well. Grill slices of onion until beginning to soften, about 4 minutes per side. Then grill the Vegan Turkey cutlets until browned and warmed through, about 3 minutes per side. Finally, grill the pita bread until you get some nice grill marks, about 2 minutes per side. Place on a baking rack in the oven to keep warm until ready to assemble the shawarma.

Place the Vegan Turkey Cutlets and onion slices on a cutting surface....

Make a kind of sandwich, placing a "Turkey" cutlet on the top and bottom, then onion slices in the middle. Thinly slice the cutlet sandwich crosswise, repeating the process until all the "Turkey" and onions have been thinly sliced. Transfer the sliced "Turkey" and onions to a large bowl.

Place even amounts of the "Turkey"/Onion mixture on each pita bread, top with Chipotle Tomato Relish, Pickled Eggplant, and Roasted Garlic, Sage and Artichoke Tahini Sauce.

Roasted Garlic, Sage and Artichoke Tahini Paste

1 1/2 cups Tahini
1 can of Artichoke Hearts, drained
1 whole bulb of Garlic
Olive Oil, for drizzling on Garlic
2 tsp Fresh Sage, finely chopped
1/2 cup Fresh Lemon Juice
1 cup Hot Water
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.

Peel away the outer layers of skin on the garlic bulb, then slice of the top 1/4-1/2 inch of the bulb so that the cloves are exposed. Place the piece of garlic on a sheet of aluminum foil, then drizzle the bulb with olive oil so that it's coated well.

Wrap the garlic up in foil and bake in the preheated oven for 1/2 hour. Set aside to cool.

Pulse the Artichoke Hearts several times in a food processor or blender to break them up a bit.

Once the garlic is cool, squeeze out the cloves into a food processor or blender, then add the remaining ingredients. Blend until the mixture becomes a smooth paste.

Taste for salt and pepper.

Store in the refrigerator until ready to use.

Chipotle Tomato Relish

1 1/4 lb Vine Ripened Tomatoes, finely chopped
3/4 cup Red Onion, finely chopped
2 Dried Chipotle Peppers, seeded and finely chopped
1/4 cup Olive Oil
1/8 cup + 1 TBSP Lemon Juice
Handful of Flat Leaf Italian Parsley, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Combine all of the above ingredients in a medium sized bowl, then taste for salt and pepper. Keep covered and refrigerated until ready to use.

Vegan Turkey

Vegan Turkey Dough

1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
1/3 cup No Chicken Broth
1/3 cup White Ale
1/3 cup MimicCreme

For the Broth...

4 cups prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Chicken Broth
2 cups Low Sodium Vegetable Stock
1 cup of Dry White Wine (I use Chardonnay)
1/2 can of Light Ale
1 1/4 cup MimicCremeTM
1 TBSP Lemon Juice
1/4 cup Mirin
1 tsp Onion Powder
1 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Yellow Mustard Powder
2 Bay Leaves
2 Stalk of Celery, sliced
1 TBSP Mellow White Miso Paste

Oregano and Basil-Rubbed Marsala "Flank Steak" stuffed with Saffron Wild Mushrooms

2009-11-18T09:49:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure that this time of year indicates the need to reflect and "give thanks" for all we are grateful for on this earth. I find it most helpful to make a pros and cons list, thus the cons highlight the pros of the past year.

Pro:
I met the woman of my dreams and am happily engaged.
Con:
I lost my reigning title as "Pimpstress of Mystery".

Pro:
I have two adorable little doggies.
Cons:
Said dogs do not always understand that outside is the bathroom.

Pro:
My cookbook is getting published.
Con:
My desire to tackle my workload must now overpower my desire to smoke a bong.

Pro:
I bought some new furniture.
Con:
The furniture was from Ikea.

True, the pros far outweigh the cons. I feel I've also grown a great deal as a chef, lover and human being in general. A year ago, I never imagined I'd be sharing my home with someone I care for so deeply. I never imagined my thoughts would wander towards the desire to start a family. I also never imagined I'd have so much laundry to do every week. Indeed, I have much to be thankful for.

But if so much can change for the good in just one year, it also makes me fearful for the year ahead. I want to believe that all will continue on a positive path. The past has shown me the many ups and downs of life, and I'm just not quite ready for any downs to rain on my parade...except on my wedding day, because I hear that's good luck. It's tough for me to imagine anything going completely screwy. To protect myself a bit, I find it important to note that, even during one of the best years of my life, there was a little bad in the good.

What am I truly thankful for? My future wife. Our life together. My family's undying support of my creative endeavors. My OCD cleaning tendencies that prevent our apartment from turning into a bachelorette pad. My new lime green vacuum. The Veggie Grill for opening up the street from me. The now 5+ restaurants that will deliver vegan pizza to my home. My new oven. Armor-All doggie training pads. The roses Jane bought me last week. My sister being amazing and graduating from college this year. My super cool neighbor that sells cosmetics to Sephora. And lastly, Best Buy for declining my credit card application and saving me excess debt.

2009 was a good year indeed.

Oregano and Basil-Rubbed Marsala "Flank Steak"
stuffed with Saffron Wild Mushrooms

1/2 cup Tamari
1/8 cup Marsala Wine
1 1/2 cups tightly packed Fresh Basil Leaves
1/4 cup Fresh Oregano Leaves
1 TBSP Olive Oil
Splash of Lemon Juice
1 1/2 tsp Salt
Pinch of Black Pepper
2 TBSP Vegan Margarine
Pinch of Spanish Saffron Threads
1/4 cup Shallots, finely diced
1/2 Leek, white part only, halved and thinly sliced
1 cup Crimini Mushrooms, sliced
1 cup Shiitake Mushrooms, sliced
1 cup Oyster Mushrooms, sliced
Large pinch of Salt, for Mushrooms
Black Pepper, to taste, for Mushrooms
1 1/4 batch of Vegan Beef* (See specific preparation instructions below)

*When making the Vegan Beef, instead of cutting into steak size pieces before dropping into the broth, leave it all in one piece. Shape it into a long, flat rectangle that's about 7-8 inches long and about 4-5 inches wide. Drop into the broth and boil for 1 hour, turning every 15 minutes. Drain well, and you're ready to go. It should look like this...

Place the vegan Steak in a large, shallow container. Combine the Tamari and Marsala wine, then pour over the "steak". Allow the "Steak" to marinate for 1/2 hour on each side. When finished marinating, reserve the marinade for a dipping sauce. You can also reduce it in a saucepan if desired.

In your food processor or blender, puree the Basil, Oregano, Olive Oil, Lemon Juice, Salt and Pepper until it forms a uniform paste. Place in an airtight container in the refrigerator until ready to use.

Preheat the broiler on your oven.

In a medium saucepan, melt the vegan margarine, then add the Saffron, Leeks and Shallots. Saute 5-8 minutes, until soft. Add all the mushrooms to the pan, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and cook for about 5 minutes until tender. Set aside.

Butterfly slice the "steak" so that it opens like a book, being careful not to cut the "steak" into two separate pieces. Place the mushroom stuffing inside of the steak, then roll it up lengthwise and tie up well with twine. It will now look like this...

Rub the "steak" all over with the Basil/Oregano paste, then broil for 5-10 minutes per side until brown but not drying out.

Serve.

Individual Broccoli, "Cheddar" and Rice Casseroles in a Chanterelle and Rosemary Cream Sauce

2009-11-11T21:50:00.000-08:00

I had my first "mom" moment today. Our lovely little Jack Russel/Chihuahua mix, Shwee, took a trip to the vet for her vaccinations. We thought all was well, then a few hours later, her muzzle turns redder than a strawberry and starts puffing up like a penguin in heat.

Me: "Jane...does Shwee look funny to you?"

Jane: "Oh shit."

We grab Shwee in our arms and run across the street to the pet hospital, hearts beating faster than the sound of our feet on the pavement.

The second we bust in the door, the guy running the desk takes one look at her. "Oh no. Allergic reaction!", he yells. He pages a tech to the front who whisks Shwee out of Jane's arms and off to some unknown place where sick animals go to either be saved or bite the big biscuit. My heart falls to my feet. I feel this deep churning in my gut that I've never felt before: the pang of a worried mother.

Now I know how my mom felt every time I fell terribly ill...or if I even just had a bad case of the hick-ups.

Besides doing an excellent job at being a hypochondriac for me, my mom is also one hell of a chef. She could bang out one hell of a casserole. As the leaves turn to their autumn hues (but not in sunny California, bitches...hah!), I start planning my Thanksgiving menu. Sure, it may be a bit in advance, but I'm a highly motivated kid. This week marks the start of my slew of Thanksgiving goodness.

Stay warm, east coasters :)

Individual Broccoli, "Cheddar" and Rice Casseroles in a
Chanterelle and Rosemary Cream Sauce

1/4 lb Vegan Margarine
6 cloves fresh Garlic, minced
1 TBSP Fresh Rosemary, finely minced
3 TBSP All Purpose Flour
2-3 TBSP Water
1 3/4 cup MimicCreme (or Vegan Buttermilk)
1/2 tsp Salt
Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
1 16 oz package Frozen Chopped Broccoli, thawed (or 3 1/2 cups Fresh, chopped)
1 lb Chanterelle Mushrooms, roughly chopped
1 1/2 cups Vegan Cheddar Cheese, finely grated (preferably Daiya)
3 cups cooked White Rice
1/4 cup seasoned Vegan Bread Crumbs

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

Melt the vegan margarine in a large skillet over high heat, then add the garlic and rosemary. Saute for about 30 seconds, then stir in the flour to create a roux.

Add the chopped chanterelles, and stir well to fully combine.

Lower the heat to medium high, stir in the water, and cook, stirring frequently, for about 2-3 minutes until the mushrooms begin to soften.

Slowly whisk in the MimicCreme, then lower the heat to medium and bring the sauce to a slow boil while stirring frequently.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

Combine the thawed broccoli, rice, 1 cup of the vegan cheddar and chanterelle sauce in a large bowl, then spoon the mixture into 6 separate ramekins. (You can also spoon all of the mixture into one large casserole dish, but see the different baking directions below*.) Top each ramekin (or the 1 large casserole) with even amounts of the remaining 1/2 cup of cheddar and bread crumbs.

Bake in your preheated oven, covered with foil, for 15 minutes. Remove the foil, then allow the casseroles to bake an additional 5 minutes until the cheese is bubbly.

*For one large casserole dish, bake in your preheated oven, covered with foil, for 20 minutes. Remove the foil, then allow the casserole to bake an additional 10 minutes until the top is brown and the cheese is bubbly.

Serve.

Vegan Black Garlic and Chanterelle Chicken Korma with Saffron and Cinnamon Infused Basmati

2009-11-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

Despite the sexual allure of the above photograph, Indian food is not really "my type". Don't get me wrong, I'm very open minded and love something about every cuisine. But let's imagine this scenario...

I walk into a bar, hungry and ready for action. I casually slide up on a bar stool, being careful to sit so that it looks like my feet can actually reach the ground. I look up from my Mai Tai to notice that a gorgeous plate of pasta puttanesca is batting her sultry lashes at me. I give her a sly grin and wave her over.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I ask.

"Dirty Martini with Olives and Olive Oil" she states.

Yes ma'am.

I am immediately lured by her intoxicating aroma of fresh minced garlic. She takes a long slurp of her drink and I...Oh my, this is too much. I lean in for a huge bite, then pull away. My cheeks are red from a mixture of blushing and sauce.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist".

I look away for a moment to collect myself only to notice that a bowl of Tofu Paneer is attempting to make accidental eye contact. *Sigh*. Women. I look back to Puttanesca.

"Let's get out of here. I've got a batch of vegan parmesan you can slip into and feel a little more comfortable. Did I mention I have sterling silver forks?"

Her eyes light up and she takes my hand. On our way out, I give a casual nod and smile to the Paneer. "I'll be back", I mouth at her, making sure to wink in a non-'lester fashion. Hopefully she'll stick around.

Ok...maybe that's a slight over-exageration on how I feel about Indian food. Italian food always wins, but I really love the exciting combination of spices and flavors utilized in Indian cuisine.

Just so Paneer doesn't feel too badly about herself, I thought I'd give a go at one of the more popular dishes of her native land.

No recipe for this week. I just thought I'd post some fun, alluring photos. I'm saving this bad boy for the cookbook. Have a great week!

Some Lovely Chanterelles

Simmering in the pot...

Vegan Sausage and Beer Gravy over Cheddar, Scallion and Cilantro "Buttermilk" Biscuits with Fried Dill and Dandelion Green

2009-10-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

If you're from the right part of the gold ole US of A, you know of a place called Bob Evan's. I'd call it a restaurant, but people in the know understand that it's more like kitchy, interactive dinner theatre. Let me first paint a pretty picture...

Red and white checkered table cloths, waitresses named "Fran" and "Ethel" that ask "What'll it be, sweet pea" in a raspy, twangy voice, biscuits that melt in your mouth like the butter smeared all over them, good pie, and lastly, a smoking section. As their slogan indicates, Bob Evan's truly is a "Down On The Farm" establishment.

Don't get me wrong...I'll always love B.E.s. But I had and heard my share of weird experiences that slightly taint my nostalgia. For example, my best friend, a vegetarian, ordered scrambled eggs and hash browns. As she's mid-chow, she looks up. Her face turns cracker-ass white.

"What?!" I ask, thinking she's about to start waving her hands in the air and I'm going to have to Heimlich.

"There's a piece of chicken in my hash browns!" She screams.

Vomiting and messiness ensue. Not to mention they only comp'd part of the check.

What? We're both Jews.

Part 2. Same friend that ate the chicken infused hash browns actually gets a job waiting tables at Bob Evan's. In her first few weeks of work, she has the pleasure of waiting on a large African American woman in a brand new ALL WHITE track suit. Best friend accidentally spills a glass of grape juice on said all white track suit clad African American woman, and almost looses her life.

Lastly, there was Rus. Rus seemed like a nice young man at first. Best friend was about to get off of work, so I decided to cozy up at Bob's breakfast counter and down some coffee to fuel our night of partying. One of her co-workers, aka Rus, took an immediate fancy with me. Before my best friend could stop me, he had my number in hand. Turns out Rus was a bit of a creepy creepster stalker. One horrendous date (let's just say it involved heavy metal and learning to drive stick shift), 50 phone calls from him a day and one week later, it had to end. I tried to let him down gently. I had to drop kick him to finally get the phone calls to end. It took a little over two months, but he finally gave up. Best friend still hasn't let me live that one down.

Bad stories aside, I still have a special place in my heart for Bob's place. I can't really eat there anymore...haven't in a long time, really. But damn do I miss my childhood feastings on their sausage, biscuits and gravy. Hell I just miss the damn biscuits.

I decided my own version was in order. Happy Halloween!

Vegan Sausage and Beer Gravy over Cheddar, Scallion and Cilantro "Buttermilk" Biscuits with Fried Dill and Dandelion Green

For the Biscuits...
• 2 1/3 cups Full Fat Soy Milk (4-5g per serving)
• 3/4 cup Vegan Sour Cream
• 3 TBSP White Vinegar
• 4 3/4 cups All Purpose Flour
• Heaping 1/2 TBSP Salt
• 1/3 cup Baking Powder
• 1/3 cup Vegan Sugar
• 1/3 cup finely diced Scallions
• 1/2 cup fresh Cilantro Leaves, chopped fine
• 1/2 Daiya Vegan Cheese Shreds (or other Vegan Cheddar, finely grated)

For the "Sausage"...
• 1 16 oz Original Field Roast Classic Meatloaf, or 2 packages of Gardenburger Breakfast
Sausage patties
• 6 TBSP Olive Oil, divided in half
• 2 cloves Garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup Fresh Dill Leaves
• 2 cup Dandelion Greens, halved crosswise and stems removed
• 1 Leek, top removed, split lengthwise, cleaned and thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup All Purpose Flour
• 1 cup prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Beef Broth
• 1/2 cup Vegan Dark Ale of your choosing
• 1 1/2 TBSP Cornstarch mixed with 1 1/2 TBSP Cold Water (optional, for further thickening)
• Salt and Pepper, to taste

To make the Biscuits...

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F.

Prepare a lightly floured work surface or large cutting board.

Make the "Buttermilk" by whisking the soy milk and vegan sour cream together until fully combined. Stir in the white vinegar, and set aside for at least 5 minutes until thickened. Once thickened, mix the scallions and vegan cheddar into the "Buttermilk".

In the bowl of a stand mixer or large mixing bowl, completely combine the flour, salt, baking powder and sugar on a low speed or by hand. Turn the mixer up to medium, then slowly pour in the "Buttermilk", scallions and vegan cheddar until the mixture just comes together.

Quickly turn the dough out onto the lightly floured work surface, then roll the dough out to a 1/4-inch thickness. Using a 3-inch round cooking cutter or the rim of a drinking glass, cut circles out of the dough and place on a greased or parchment paper-lined baking sheet.

Bake in the preheated oven for 8-10 minutes, then set on a cooling rack until ready to serve.

To make the "Sausages" and Gravy...

If you're using the Field Roast Classic Meatloaf, cut into 12 slices. If you're using the Gardenburger Breakfast Sausage patties, make sure they're defrosted well.

In a large saucepan, heat the first 4 TBSP of olive oil over medium-high heat. Cook the "sausage" in batches until browned and thoroughly cooked through, then remove from pan and place on a plate. Cover with aluminum foil to keep warm, and set aside.

Add the second 4 TBSP of Olive Oil to the saucepan, and turn the heat up to high. Once the oil is hot, carefully add the dill, dandelion greens, and a sprinkle of salt and pepper, then fry for 1 minute. Remove the dandelion greens and as much of the fried dill as possible from the pan. Reduce the heat to medium, add garlic and leek and cook until soft.

Sprinkle the cooked leeks with 1/2 cup of flour, and stir well to combine. Then slow pour in the No Beef Broth and Ale, stirring until all the lumps of flour are completely eliminated.

Bring the gravy to a boil, then reduce heat to a simmer until thickened to your liking. If you like your gravy very thick, whisk in the cornstarch/cold water blend and simmer for a few minutes longer. Add salt and pepper to taste.

To serve...
Split each Biscuit in half lengthwise, the serve topped with browned "sausage" and gravy.

White Asparagus, Artichoke and Crimini Smothered Purple Potato Skins with Crisp Vegan Bacon and Garlic Creme Fraiche

2009-10-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

Thank Goodness it's Friday! I'm an atheist (jew), or I'd say "Thank God". Here I sit in my "Legalize Gay" tank top, ready to get shit faced and shake my tail feather on the dance floor...although my friend does affectionately refer to my dancing as randomized tremors. I'll have a great time nonetheless.

What really comes to mind when I think of "TGIF"? Potato skins. And Food Network's Guy Fieri with flames shooting off of his body in a corny commercial. But more importantly, potato skins. I have fond childhood memories from my dorky theater days of cast meet ups at TGIF, gorging myself on the cheese-smothered spuds and chocolate cake. I really should say "TGIV" (Thank Goodness I'm Vegan) because my cholesterol would probably be sky high if I maintained my carnivorous fat kid eating habits.

I decided to give a go at my rendition of the appetizer, and I was pleased as punch to see them devoured solely by my omnivore posse and myself. Nothing makes me happier than meat-eaters savoring my creations. Well, maybe sex. But it's a close second.

In other news, I'm ENGAGED! I proposed to my lovely Jane, even though moments up until I showed her the ring, she was convinced I was about to murder her. Allow me to explain:

I made her dinner, told her I was taking her somewhere special, but wouldn't tell her where we were going. I had this lovely romantic spot picked out that overlooks the ocean. It's completely private, and utterly beautiful. We hop in my car.
"How long is the drive?", she asks...dying to know where I'm taking her.
"20 minutes", I say. I was wrong. It's more like 45.
Half hour into the drive, she says "Are you about to kill me? You're acting strange (I was nervous), driving to the middle of no where, we've already eaten, and there aren't any bars for miles. I've gone down the checklist, and I think you're heading for murder".
"NO! Trust me", I shout.
She starts patting me down, looking for a weapon. I freak out because there's the ring in my pocket. This only convinces her more that her fate is sealed.
To make matters worse, I pull over at our destination...and it's a 75 foot high cliff.
"That's it...I'm about to die", she says.
"Get over here and sit".
She reluctantly sits as I pull out the alcohol.
"No way...we can't drink here...we need to get the fuck out of..."
"Jane, will you marry me?"
Enthusiasm and a "Yes" ensues :)

I'm glad we have one to tell the kids one day. We'll be engaged for a long while, but it's such a great feeling to have that ring on my finger. Have fun with the tater skins, and a great weekend :)

White Asparagus, Artichoke and Crimini Smothered Purple Potato Skins with Crisp Vegan Bacon and Garlic Creme Fraiche

For the Potatoes...

6 small or medium Purple Potatoes (or Russet Baking Potatoes), about 3 lbs
Olive Oil, enough for coating potatoes
3/4 cup Vegan Cheddar Cheese (preferable Daiya, but any will work)
1 batch of Vegan Creme Fraiche (recipe below) mixed with 2 cloves pressed or minced Garlic
2 Scallions, thinly sliced
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Chef's Note: Make the Garlic Creme Fraiche the day prior, and store in the refrigerator overnight with the garlic mixed in. You can also just substitute packaged vegan sour cream mixed with 2 cloves pressed/minced garlic.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.

Scrub the potatoes well to clean them, then rub with olive oil and bake them for about an hour until soft to the touch.

Remove from the oven, and set aside to cool.

Once cool enough to handle, slice the potatoes in half horizontally and gently scoop out the insides. (Save them for garlic smashed potatoes? Yes, please.) Place the halved, scooped out potatoes on a wire rack set atop a baking sheet.

They will look like so...

Now go ahead and make the filling (see below).

Once the filling is complete, up the oven temperature to 450 degrees F. Brush the skins all over with more olive oil, then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake on the wire-rack-topped baking sheet for a total of 20 minutes, flipping the skins over after the first 10.

Let the skins cool, then fill each scooped-out potato skin with an equal amount of filling, then top with vegan cheddar. Turn on your broiler, then let the skins cool until the cheese is melted, browning and bubbly...about 3-4 minutes. Yum...

Top with Garlic Creme Fraiche, scallions and minced vegan bacon and serve.

For the Filling...

2 1/2 cups White Asparagus, cut into small (1/2-1inch) pieces
1 can Artichoke Hearts, drained well and quartered
2 cups Crimini Mushrooms, quartered
1 batch of Vegan Bacon, cut into small, thin strips
2 TBSP Olive Oil, divided in half
2 cloves Garlic, minced
A splash of Lemon Juice, for deglazing
Salt and Pepper, to taste

Chef's Note: If you're pressed for time, feel free to substitute packaged Vegan Bacon.

Bring a large pot of heavily salted water to a boil. Allow the cut white asparagus to cook for about 4 minutes, until softened, then drain well. Immediately submerge in or rinse the cauliflower with ice cold water to halt the cooking process. Set aside.

Heat the first TBSP of olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add the small strips of vegan bacon to the skillet, and allow them to saute for 6-8 minutes, until browned and crispy. Carefully remove them from the pan, and set aside.

Heat the 2nd TBSP of olive oil in the same skillet, then add the garlic, white asparagus, artichokes, mushrooms and a pinch of salt and pepper. Allow the veggies to saute until the mushrooms are soft and have given off most of their liquid (they'll shrink in size by a little more than half), adding a splash of lemon juice to the pan about 4 minutes into the sautéing process.

Taste for salt and pepper, then remove from heat and set aside to cool to room temperature. Once cool, toss with 3/4 of the vegan bacon strips. Take the remaining 1/4 of the vegan bacon strips, and mince into tiny pieces for garnish.

Basic Crème Fraîche

2/3 cup MimicCreme (or sub 2/3 cup Soymilk mixed with 1 TBSP White Vinegar)
1/3 cup Plain Soy Yogurt

Cumin and Avocado Oil Rubbed Portobello Tortas with Dragon Fruit Pico de Gallo and Purple Basil & White Peppercorn Mayo

2009-10-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not just white, I'm saltine cracker soaked in soy milk white. I like Scrabble. And musicals. And scarves...plaid scarves. Whenever I attempt to make an ethnic dish, I feel like I'm doing something dirty. How dare I tread on another culture's territory because my skin reflects more light than quartz during a solar eclipse.

Despite my pasty facade, I'm not much of an American foodie. I love delving into the realm of ethnic cooking. I love experiencing the different spices, flavors, aromas and sensations of satiety. I absolutely love Mexican food, but rarely post the recipes I write because I simply feel like it's not my territory. I grew up incredibly north of the border in Youngstown, Ohio...an old steel town now governed by mobsters and crack whores. It truly is a great place to raise a family.
It's also a great place to eat.

For as far back as I can remember, there's always been an endless amount of amazing Italian food. Up until I was 13, though, the only options for Mexican were "Taco Bell" and "Chi Chi's".
Did I mention "Chi Chi's" is hispanic slang for big titties? No thank you.

EDIT [Note to self: Did I really say "No thank you" to big titties? Big self-slap on the hand, Jenn. Tsk, tsk.]

Then, all of a sudden, Cancun appeared on the scene in the late 90s. It was delicious. It was authentic. You could eat a full meal for less than you make in an hour working minimum wage in Ohio. Their chips were free and always fresh. The margaritas are amazing, which I was able to discover at quite an early age due to their lax ID policy.

Ok...there was a slight catch. They may have been shut down once (or twice) for health code violations. I don't eat animals, so I figure I escaped danger. But on the plus side, they always re-open with a vengeance! You've gotta respect their determination.

Enjoy making the tortas! They rock socks.

Also, if you missed my post a few weeks ago...NOW IS YOUR CHANCE! Take advantage of my friend Trevor's amazing program:

If you'd like to end your restaurant challenges, enjoy traditional comfort foods on the holidays (without compromising your ideals), and get plenty of calcium, Omega 3s, Vitamin B12, and other "elusive" nutrients from plant foods, here's great news. When you enroll in the Vegan / Vegetarian Mastery Program, you not only get a free 15-day trial...

You can also get an early bird bonus package with these five super bonuses...

1) The Restaurant Survival Guide for Vegans & Vegetarians
2) Vegan & Vegetarian Menu Items at 21 Chain Restaurants
3) Vegan Sources of Protein, Calcium, Iron, Omega 3s, A, B12 and D
4) All Vegan Holiday Recipe Collection
5) Charter membership in The Association of Thriving Vegetarians.

But to qualify for this bonus package, you must be one of the first 200 to enroll. That's why I'm writing... Enrollment opens at 3pm EST this Thu 10/8. Rather than make you compete with thousands of others, I've arranged for you to join 200 V.I.P.s at the front of the line. Here's how it works. First, read the program description and decide which program makes the most sense for you -- Bronze, Silver, or Gold. Read it here:

Click Here For All The Details

*Important note* -- If you try to enroll before Thursday, the "Add To Cart" links will NOT work. They won't be activated until Thursday afternoon. Next, complete the new student survey here:

http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07e2l9llw5g08ncjae/start

The first 200 people to fill out the new student survey will get a first mover advantage. If you're one of them, you'll receive the enrollment link two hours before everyone else -- when enrollment opens on Thursday 10/8.

Cumin and Avocado Oil Rubbed Portobello Tortas with Dragon Fruit Pico de Gallo and Purple Basil & White Peppercorn Mayo

Cumin and Avocado Oil Rubbed Portobello Tortas

4 Portobello Mushroom caps, halved
3 TBSP Avocado Oil, plus more for grill pan
1 tsp Ground Cumin
1/2 tsp Chili Powder
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1/4-1/2 tsp Salt (to taste)
Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
2 TBSP Dry White Wine
Shredded Vegan Mozzarella (use Daiya if possible), amount of your choice

Whisk together the avocado oil, cumin, chili powder, garlic, salt and pepper. Using your hands, rub of each piece of Portobello with the oil mixture to coat on both sides.

Drizzle enough Avocado Oil to coat the bottom of the grill pan (about 1-2 tsp), and heat over medium high.

Grill the portobellos on each side until browned and softened, about 4-5 minutes per side, adding the white wine about half-way through the cooking process to deglaze the pan. Top with vegan mozzarella for the last few minutes so that it has time to melt.

Use the "Other Sandwich Incidentals" listed below to build your Torta. Feel free to get creative and add whatever fixins you enjoy. I assemble mine like so:

1. Bottom half of roll
2. Romaine
3. Portobello with Cheese
4. Dragon Fruit Salsa
5. Purple Basil Mayo, smeared on top half of roll
6. Top half of roll

Other Sandwich Incidentals...
4 Torta Rolls (or Kaiser Rolls), sliced like a hamburger bun
Romaine Lettuce
Purple Basil Mayo (recipe follows)
Dragon Fruit Pico de Gallo (recipe follows)

Purple Basil Mayo

1 cup tightly packed Purple (Opal) Basil Leaves
1/2 tsp Fresh Lemon Juice
1 cup Vegenaise
1/2 tsp Sherry Vinegar
1/2 tsp Ground White Peppercorns

Combine all the above ingredients, in order, in a food processor. Blend until the basil leaves are finely minced and the mixture is fully combined. Add salt if desired.

Dragon Fruit Pico de Gallo

1 small or 1/2 large Dragon Fruit, peeled and roughly chopped
4 Roma Tomatoes, diced
1/2 Red Onion, finely chopped
1 Jalapeno Pepper, seeded and finely chopped (optional)
3 Radishes, chopped
1/2 cup chopped Cilantro Leaves
1 clove Garlic, minced
The juice of 1/2 Lime, or more if desired
A touch of Salt and Pepper, to taste

Combine all of the above ingredients in a medium sized bowl. Sparingly use salt and pepper if adding before tasting. You want just a hint of sweetness from the dragon fruit.

White Lasagna with Basil "Ricotta", Spinach, Young Rocket and Diced Vegan "Pancetta", To Start...

2009-09-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

White Lasagna with Basil "Ricotta", Spinach, Young Rocket and Diced Vegan "Pancetta"

I find it kind of humorous that I bake Vegan Twinkies. Honestly, it could be snappy slang that describes me quite accurately. In essence, "vegetable consuming gay girl." Whatever the case, I make them well. If you haven't heard via Twitter or another form of addictive interweb networking platform, I am remotely back in business. I say "remotely" because I'm only filling private orders. I'll even send them to you in Fiji as long as you're down to cover the cost of shipping. Please also know that I'm not being a cheap Jew with the pricing. I do what I can to make a little bit of dinero and cover the cost of quality organic ingredients. Check out my snazzy updated web site for all the information:

www.nowheyvegan.com

In other news, life has been quite exciting in my quaint West Hollywood abode. My girlfriend and I are attempting to secure ourselves as cast members on the new L Word Reality Series, and I think we'd be excellent candidates. For starters, we're a very "non-traditional" lesbian couple. We have dogs instead of cats, and we waited at least 5 months before U-Hauling (lesbian terminology for moving in together quickly), which is like 5 years on lesbian time. Typical dyke couples wait about two weeks. We wisely decided to take it slow. I won't reveal too much about our personal lives, but lets just say the song "Life In The Fastlane" might indicate some greater truths about our day-to-day activities. But no, I don't do coke. And I'm not brutally handsome. Take it more figuratively.

My cookbook has been progressing along nicely. It's slated for a Fall 2010 release, so start saving your shekels ;) I've been writing recipes like crazy, as usual, and will probably have most of a second book finished before the first is even out. Instead of a recipe this week, you lucky readers get some mouth-watering photos and the cooking video from the Surf and Turf I posted a few weeks ago.

Above, you saw a White Lasagna with Basil "Ricotta", Spinach, Young Rocket and Diced Vegan "Pancetta".

Here, we have...

Roasted Garlic Green Curry with Mixed Wild Mushrooms, Thai Eggplants and Vegan Pancetta

Here's the home-made Roasted Garlic Green Curry Paste:

And lastly, "Crab"and Oyster Mushroom Mezzelune in a Roasted Hatch Chile and Walnut Cream Sauce

Happy Yom Kippur, Jews.

Heirloom Tomato, Black Garlic and Marsala-Roasted Chickpea Panzanella

2009-09-21T23:17:00.001-07:00

There are moments in a young woman's life that shine much brighter than the typical day-to-day happenings. You know the usual suspects: First day of college, buying your first car, first Herpes outbreak...you get the picture. I find that my shining moments tend to fall more in the "Crack-Ass Weird" category. For example, one of the best days of this past year was when my mother gave me an immersion blender. I was so excited, I blended foods that should never be blended. Like sandwiches. And pasta dishes. And maybe even pancakes with syrup. I get slap happy sometimes.

Of course, the immersion blender moment is just a small example. Deeper retrospection unveils what I consider to be one of the best days of my entire life: The day I first ate an Heirloom Tomato. Sure, I'd known "different colored" tomatoes existed. I didn't sit through the movie Fried Green Tomatoes while my mother bawled like a baby and walk away with nothing but emotional damage. But I didn't actually get to experience the wonders of the heritage, vine ripened beauties until years later. I remember it like it was just yesterday...

It was a breezy, late summer morning at the Santa Monica Farmers Market. The air smelled of sea breeze, dark roast coffee and vagrant's urine. I had just moved to Los Angeles about a year prior, was dirt poor, and actively finding ways of scamming free [non-crap-filled] food. I felt like the deli case employees at Whole Foods were catching on to my "ask for 10 samples and not actually buy anything" tactic, so I decided to try a new approach. Farmers Market freebies. The perfect light, nutritional breakfast. I did my research, and found myself strolling the 3rd Street Promenade while stuffing my face with pluots, French bread and oranges. I was almost at the end of the walkway when I spotted it: A double tent hovering above tables filled with tomatoes...the skins of which spanned end to end of the color spectrum. Did I mention there were free sample trays of each variety? Maybe I shouldn't, because then the farmers might hunt me down and ask me why I ate at least 2 pounds of their advertising.

I've had a torrid love affair with Heirloom Tomatoes ever since. There's not a single cultivar that doesn't do the tango on my taste buds. I eat them like apples, dress them up with a little vinegar, oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper, I make sauces with them. I can't get enough. I easily spend at least $200 during Heirloom season, yet firmly believe that cable television is an unjustifiable expense. Well, I warned you I was Crack-Ass Weird.

Get 'em while they last, kids.

In other news, please welcome the newest edition to our family: Devil "Basil" Jones...

He may look sweet, but he's quite the little instigator. Look at him just waiting to strike!

That's his "I'm about to eat your undies the second you avert your eyes" face. I love him, and he brings a little testosterone to this estrogen-filled apartment.

Heirloom Tomato, Black Garlic and Marsala-Roasted Chickpea Panzanella

For the Panzanella...

1 lb of Day-Old Tuscan Bread
3 mixed Heirloom Tomatoes, largely diced
1 large Cucumber, peeled and diced
1 Red Onion, halved and thinly sliced
1 batch of Marsala-Roasted Chickpeas
About 1/3 cup of Olive Oil
2 TBSP Sherry Vinegar
2 TBSP Balsamic Vinegar
3 cloves Black Garlic, minced
2 cloves Garlic, minced
Handful of Fresh Basil Leaves, Chiffonade (cut into thin ribbons)
Salt and Pepper, to taste

For the Marsala-Roasted Chickpeas...

1 can Chickpeas, drained well
2 1/2 tsp Olive Oil
2 tsp Marsala Wine
1 tsp Tamari
1 1/2 tsp Fresh Lemon Juice
1 tsp Herb de Provence
1/4 tsp Garlic Powder
1/4 tsp Kosher Salt
Pinch of Vegan Cane Sugar

Chef's Note: If you can't find Black Garlic (garlic fermented at high temperatures...insanely flavorful), just add 2 more cloves of plain garlic.

First, make the roasted chickpeas.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F. Place the drained chickpeas in a 9 x 9 casserole dish.

In a small bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients and pour over the chickpeas. Toss well to coat the chickpeas.

Roast the chickpeas in the oven for 25-30 minutes, stirring twice during the roasting process. Set aside to cool.

Next, take the day-old bread and lightly moisten it with running water from your faucet. It should be slightly moistened the whole way through. If it's too wet, squeeze out the excess liquid.

Use your hands to tear the moistened bread into small pieces, then set in a large bowl while you prep the rest of your veggies.

Once the tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, garlic and basil are prepped and the chickpeas are cool, add them all to the large bowl with the torn bread and toss to combine.

Whisk together the olive oil and vinegar, then pour over top of the salad. Add salt and pepper, then toss well to combine. Taste for salt and pepper, then serve immediately.

Serve immediately, or place in the refrigerator for 1/2 hour before serving.

Vegan Chipotle Chocolate Chip Cookies For My Mother's Birthday...

2009-09-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to mi madre! That's right...today is the day my family celebrates the birthing of our matriarchal glue: KarenShaggy. I love my mother so much that I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn to bake her my veganized rendition of her Chocolate Chip Cookies. I made a special batch with a little kick just to satisfy my need to do everything a little bit classy.

One of my favorite birthday pastimes is researching the significant events that have happened throughout history on both my special day and the birthdays of the beloved special people in my life. What some may not know about my mother is that she, much more than most, can be linked in inconspicuous ways to these monumental occurrences.

Exhibit A: September 14th, 1982
Lebanon's president-elect, Bashir Gemayel, was killed by a bomb. What many fail to realize is that mother, Bashir's 4th woman on the side, had to break off their torrid love affair because she'd fallen for my father and was now engaged to be his wife. My mother had met the ruggedly handsome Bashir when mistaken for a Palestinian during her first trip to Israel. After her placement in the Tel al-Zaatar refugee camp, Bashir whisked her away to safety when he became entranced by her pasty, white skin. He called her his "little porcelain Barbie without a Camaro". Bashir actually committed suicide by dropping the bomb on his own headquarters, although most blame Habib Shartouni of the Syrian Social Nationalist Party to be responsible for his death.

Exhibit B: September 14th, 1972
The popular television series, "The Waltons", made it's network television debut on CBS. It was, in fact, no fluke that this occurred on my mother's birthday. She became founder and president of the David W. Harper (aka Jim-Bob Walton) Fan Club after falling for his deep, brown eyes and gapped-tooth grin in the 1971 TV movie "The Homecoming: A Christmas Story". She trekked across the USA by hitchhiking a ride on Ken Kesey's infamous bus Further2 with the Merry Pranksters, stood naked tripping face on LSD outside of CBS, and protested until network execs agreed to premier the show on her special day.

Exhibit C: September 14th, 1973
President Richard Nixon signed into law a measure lifting the pro-football blackout. Following her first successful nude protest, my mother took it upon her shoulders to rally all women that longed for tight-pant-clad man-booties all piled up and sweaty on the fake grass. Together, these radical un-feminists marched Capitol Hill in the buff, waving posters depicting lewd photographs of the NFLs finest, until Nixon finally caved. My mother cracked open a 40 oz with Tricky Dick himself, explaining that his only concession need be the return of pro football on her 18th birthday.

These are but a few examples, but it's clear to see that my mother's special day not only falls on the anniversary of special events...it is a special event to the entire world. Without my mother, we would still have Palestinian refugees, "The Waltons" may have never existed, and pro football may never have made its triumphant return.

Mom, I love you. The world is a better place because you exist.

Vegan Chipotle Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 1/4 cups Unbleached White Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
2 tsp Egg Replacer Powder, dry
1 tsp Salt
1 cup (2 sticks) of Vegan Margarine, softened
3/4 cup Vegan White Sugar
3/4 cup Organic, Vegan Brown Sugar
1 tsp Pure Vanilla Extract
1/2 cup MimicCreme
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) Vegan Chocolate Chips
1-2 TBSP finely grated, dried Chipotle Pepper (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Line a table or counter top with parchment paper.

In a medium size bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, egg replacer powder and salt.

In the bowl of your stand mixer (or in one big-ass bowl), beat the vegan margarine, white sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract until creamy and fully combined. Slowly pour in the MimicCreme 1/4 cup at a time, making sure the first 1/4 cup in fully incorporated before adding the second. Scrape down the sides or your stand-mixer or bowl well.

Add and mix in the flour blend in small batches until fully blended into cookie dough.

Carefully beat in the vegan chocolate chips and grated chipotle peppers until they're evenly distributed throughout the dough.

Drop about 12 heaping tablespoons of dough onto an un-greased baking sheet, and bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Cook times may vary based on your altitude and how crunchy you like your cookies.

Once you take the pan out of the oven, place the baking sheet on top of cooling rack for 4-5 minutes. Then use a spatula to place the cookies on the parchment paper until cool enough to eat.

These are also great frozen then reheated in the toaster or microwave.

Spanish Purple Pepper "Beef" Stew

2009-09-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

I used to dread the ending of the summer months for a few reasons. First and foremost, I cringed at the thought of having to return to school. I made the best of it...convincing my mother yearly that I needed new shoes and clothes. In all reality, I haven't changed clothes or shoe size since I was 12. I guess that's why I'm an actress.

Secondly, I had to stow away my shorts, t-shirts and tank-tops in favor of sweaters and those puffy jackets that made me look like a 5-foot-tall marshmallow. I would, however, refuse to put away my Birkenstock sandals and would instead just wear them with a thick pair of socks...even in the snow. What can I say? I was classy.

The one great aspect about the cold weather moving into Northeastern Ohio was that it was time for my mom to bust out of her belly-warming, comfort food recipe box. After a long day of snowboarding (*cough* smoking joints outside *cough*), I knew I could look forward to a steady rotation of mac-n-cheese, beef stew, chili, etc. I was one lucky kid.

Now that I'm older and live in a city with a lack of seasonal rotation, I've trained myself to tolerate warm foods during extreme temperature spikes. It does chill down a little bit here, but when the temperature forecast for September 1st reads "91 degrees F" and the weather forecast reads "Smokey" (I'm not kidding...check Google Weather), you gotta do what'cha gotta do. I ate this Veganized version of "Beef" stew-ey goodness when it was 95 degrees, and I loved every bite. Plus, my sweat did the job of adding extra salt! Or not. That joke was gross. I'm still not going to hit the "delete" button ;)

And now...TWO IMPORTANT THINGS.

1) My good friend Trevor has just developed an amazing program for both Vegans and Vegetarians, and I encourage all of you to stand up and participate. The information he offers is amazing, and comes highly recommended by yours truly. Here's a link for you to check out the program...

Learn How To Thrive On A Vegan Diet... But Space Is Limited

If you'd like to thrive on a vegan diet, whip up delicious meals
in 10-30 minutes, and stop being vulnerable to vitamin and mineral
deficiencies, here's great news...

In a couple of weeks, you'll be able to sign up for The Vegan
Mastery Program. Created by my friend Trevor Justice, it’s a series of
50 Lessons that’ll show you how to thrive on a plant-based diet. You
can even participate in a weekly Q&A call.

But space is limited. So if you're interested and want to be invited before the general public, click here now:

The Vegan Mastery Program

2) I made a 2nd episode of VeganizeItTV! I'll stop talking now because I certainly do enough in the video :)

Have a great week!

Spanish Purple Pepper Vegan Beef Stew

For the "Beef" and Vegetable Pot...

1 batch Beef Style Seitan, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
3 TBSP Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 cloves Fresh Garlic, minced or pressed
1/2 tsp Ground Cumin
1/4 tsp Ground Coriander
1/2 tsp Smoked Spanish Paprika
A pinch of Freshly Grated Nutmeg (or Ground Nutmeg)
1 medium Yellow Onion, Roughly Chopped
2 Purple Bell Peppers, seeded and roughly chopped
2 small Russet Potatoes, cleaned and cubed with skins on
2 carrots, cleaned and sliced
2 large ribs Celery, sliced
1/4 cup Red Bordeaux Wine (or Cooking Sherry)
1 TBSP Sherry Vinegar
2 Tomatoes, seeded and roughly chopped
2 Bay Leaves
2 sprigs Fresh Thyme
Salt and Fresh Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
Cayenne Pepper, to taste (optional)
2 TBSP Corn Starch mixed with 2 TBSP Cold Water (optional, for further thickening)
6 sprigs Fresh Parsley Leaves

For the Stock Pot...

6 TBSP Vegan Margarine
6 TBSP Unbleached All Purpose White Flour
10 cup prepared Better Than Bouillon's No Beef Broth

Chef's Note: You'll need two very large stock pots for this recipe. You're going to be multi-tasking while working both pots simultaneously, but it's much easier than it sounds. Just be mindful when reading the directions to note when you're working with the "'Beef' and Vegetable Pot" or the "Stock Pot".

Cube your beef style seitan and prep all of your vegetables and spices. It can be helpful to mix all of the spices together prior to beginning the cooking process to save time and chaos.

In the "'Beef' and Vegetable Pot", warm the 3 TBSP of olive oil over medium-high heat. Add the minced garlic, cubed "beef" seitan, cumin, coriander, paprika, nutmeg, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir well to mix all the spices in with the "beef". Saute until the "beef" just begins to brown, about 2-3 minutes.

While the "beef" cubes are sauteing, take your other large "Stock Pot" and start melting the vegan margarine over medium-low heat. Keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't burn.

Add the onions, purple peppers, potatoes, carrots, and celery to the "'Beef' and Vegetable Pot", then add the sherry wine to deglaze. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the onions are translucent.

While the vegetables are sauteing, return to the "Stock Pot". Once the vegan margarine has melted, stir in the flour until fully combined. Pour in the "beef" broth, and whisk all of the pot's contents well. Turn the heat up to medium-high, and cook, whisking occasionally, until the broth begins to thicken (about 15 minutes.)

Back to the "'Beef' and Vegetable Pot". Once the onions are translucent and the other veggies are softening, pour the thickened contents of the "Stock Pot" into the "'Beef' and Vegetable Pot". Stir well to mix everything together.

Stir in the chopped fresh tomatoes, bay leaves, sprigs of fresh thyme. Add salt, pepper and cayenne to taste.

Turn the heat down to medium low, and allow to simmer until all the vegetables are soft and the stew has thickened, about 35 minutes. If the stew is not thickened to your liking, you can thicken more by adding the 2 TBSP corn starch mixed into 2 TBSP cold water, stir well and allow it to simmer for about 5 minutes longer.

Discard the thyme sprigs, mix in the flat leaf parsley, then taste again for salt and pepper.

Serve.