Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Grilled Cumin and Epazote Rubbed "Pork" Loin with Cactus, Heirloom Tomato and Pumpkin Seed Salsa


Last night, my Justin Bieber virginity was broken. That's right. I, for the first time, not only heard one of his songs, but saw one of his music videos. I can't say I particularly liked the song, but I did make one observation that I wanted to share: I believe Justin Bieber strongly resembles a butch teenage lesbian. Not that I'm attracted to Justin in any way, shape or form, but he would make one sexy dyke given a small boob job. Maybe one day he'll be featured on one of my favorite websites, Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

On a separate note, I think maybe I've been ingesting too many soy products as my doctor told me my estrogen levels are through the roof fight now.  No shock that I'm gay, but tests usually show me to have higher testosterone. The results have been nothing short of hilarious. Not only have there been some physical amplifications that I'm quite pleased with, but I actually caught myself crying to Tegan and Sara after eating 7 mini chocolate bars. Hopefully my body remedies this on it's own soon, because I refuse to live 24/7/365 PMS-ing like when I bawl to the Indigo Girls for hours just before "that time" of the month rolls around.

Hormonal fluctuations aside, I've been very busy ladies promoting a lesbian night, MaNiC, that I wrote about last week. Our kick-off event was nothing short of successful, and this week will be even better. If you're a girl who likes girls and lives in the Los Angeles area, come check it out. This week's theme is "Anonymous Numbers Night" where you'll have the chance to anonymously describe a girl you think is cute, then write your number next to the description and drop the note in a fish bowl.  The numbers will be doled out after midnight, and being the little Yente that I am, the organizers are hoping to create some happy couples. Special shout-out to my homeslice QuarryGirl for doing a post to help us promote.

Have a great week!

Grilled Cumin and Epazote Rubbed "Pork" Loin
with Cactus, Heirloom Tomato and Pumpkin Seed Salsa

For the "Pork" Loin...
  • 1 batch of Vegan Pork (recipe follows), made in one large, loin-shaped piece
  • 1 TBSP Kosher Salt
  • 3 TBSP Ground Cumin
  • 2 TBSP Dried Epazote
  • 1 TBSP Chili Powder
  • 1/2 TBSP Paprika
  • 3/4 tsp Ground Allspice
  • 3/4 tsp Freshly Cracked Black Pepper

For the Salsa...
  • 1 lbs Cactus, prepared and diced (see Kitchen Tip for how to prepare Cactus)
  • 4 small or 3 large Heirloom Tomatoes, diced
  • 4 cloves Garlic, minced
  • 1/2 medium Red Onion, finely chopped
  • Handful of Pumpkin Seeds
  • 1 bunch of fresh Cilantro, chopped
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • Juice of 1 small Lemon or 1/2 large
  • 1/8 cup Olive Oil
  • Salt and Pepper, to taste

Shaggy's Kitchen Tip:
When it comes to preparing cactus pads, make sure to select small to medium-sized, firm pads. You don't want them to be wrinkly or soft. When you're ready to prepare the cactus pads, put on a pair of rubber gloves. The thorny needles must be removed with a knife or vegetable peeler prior to dicing. Also remove any nodules, the thick stem, and trim any edges off the pad as well. Wash thoroughly after prepared, prior to dicing.


First, make the salsa by combining all of the ingredients and tasting for salt and pepper. Refrigerate until ready to use.

Second, make the rub for the "pork" loin by combining the kosher salt, cumin, epazote, chili powder, paprika, allspice and pepper in a bowl and mixing throughly. Rub the "pork" loin all over with the spice blend (you may not need to use all of the spice blend), then wrap the loin up in plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for 3-4 hours.

Preheat your grill (or grill pan if cooking indoors) to high heat. Unwrap the "pork" loin, then grill over the hot heat for 7 to 10 minutes on each side.

To serve, slice the loin into 1-inch-thick slices, then top with a few spoonfuls of the cactus salsa.

Pork Chop Style Seitan

“Pork Chop” Seitan Dough:
  • 1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
  • 1 cup prepared No Chicken Broth
  • 1 TBSP MimicCreme™

“Pork Chop” Broth:
  • 4 cups prepared No Chicken Broth
  • 1 cup MimicCreme™
  • 1/8 cup Tamari
  • 1/2 TBSP Better Than Bouillon® No Beef Broth Paste
  • 1 cup Pineapple Coconut Nectar (or Apple Juice)
  • 1/2 tsp Ground Ginger
  • 1/2 tsp 5 Spice Powder
  • 2 tsp Garlic Powder
  • 1 tsp Shallot Powder
  • 4 whole Cloves, ground
  • 3 points broken off of a Whole Star Anise
  • 1 tsp Kosher Salt
  • 1 tsp Sugar
  • 1 additional cup Water


Take all of the “Pork Chop” Broth ingredients and mix them together in a very large pot. Bring to a boil.

Next, make your “Pork Chop” Dough by mixing and kneading the vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon blend, and MimicCreme until it's completely mixed. It will be a little more wet than most seitan dough recipes. Don’t let this scare you. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. On a cutting board, roll the seitan into one large "loin-shaped" piece, then drop it into the pot.

Cover the pot, reduce heat to simmer, and let the seitan cook for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes.

Use a slotted spoon to remove the "Pork Loin," and place into a colander to drain and cool until ready to use.

16 comments:

Allison said...

Have a new favorite website, sis

http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/

Vegyogini said...

A future baby!!!!!

(I can't focus on the recipe when you drop info like that!)

Tahirah said...

I just found your blog after google-ing vegan paneer. I've decided that you need to be my best friend because, I need someone to cook with! I saw mention of a cookbook is it out yet? Where can I get one? Does your wife cook because mine does not and is no help at all when cooking or shopping.

eatingappalachia.com said...

Hehehe hormones shouldn't be so funny--but they are! Good luck to the wife with the pills (increasing estrogen levels sounds awful, actually), but with f'ing radtastic food like that "pork," it can't be all that bad :) & good luck with 2nd event! I love the premise. Whenever I'm in LA, I'm totally hitting it up :)

eatingappalachia.com said...

Hehehe hormones shouldn't be so funny--but they are! Good luck to the wife with the pills (increasing estrogen levels sounds awful, actually), but with f'ing radtastic food like that "pork," it can't be all that bad :) & good luck with 2nd event! I love the premise. Whenever I'm in LA, I'm totally hitting it up :)

Mihl said...

Months ago, Justin Bieber was a trending topic on twitter for weeks. I never knew who he was and then I saw a picture. And now I see all these teenager boys with the same haircut. Why, oh why?

Trinity (of haiku tofu) said...

I can't believe you're a Bieber newbie... he's more of a lesbo icon than Sappho lately ;) Love the food- looks awesome... and you and the lady are going for a kiddo!? Congrats, how exciting! My blog has gone private for boring reasons, but email me at haikutofu (at) gmail(dot) com if you want it! I hope you do, I miss ya!

quarrygirl said...

oh man that is HIGH-LARIOUS about jane and the pills! crying, chocolate, and all!

no problem on promoting MaNiC. i love ya and it's for a good cause. hopefully it will be packed tonight!

The Compassionate Hedonist said...

what a wonderful blog!!

JennShaggy said...

Tahira: Thank you for finding my blog! My book will be out January 25th, but you can preorder it on Amazon now by searching for "Veganize This!" on Amazon.com.

My wife doesn't cook, but she sure can push a mean button on a microwave :)

Vegan in Salem said...

Ok, I am so pre-ordering your book as we speak! That must be SO exciting for you! Yay! Sometimes, it just amazes me how you recreate these "meaty" dishes...it's truly inspiring. Take care!

Melisser; the Urban Housewife said...

hehehe! I fear you will get on the same cycle and cry eat chocolate bars together.

sapphyre said...

Interesting. I've never seen a seitan recipe before that involved cream (or "cream", as the case may be). Is this something you came up with through trial and error? Is the end product a lot beter than recipes that don't use it? Could I replace the mimic cream with plain soy milk, possibly thickened up with cornstarch or arrowroot?

(I'm not vegan, but the idea of using real milk in my seitan does weird me out a bit.)

Lowen said...

Just made this dish for late lunch/early dinner and it was so good. couldn't find cactus in the store so i just grabbed some off of a prickly pear cactus that grows in the neighborhood.

anyhow, the seitan was delicious, everything was perfect. i wish there was more!

also, got your book recently and cant wait to dive in to making so many of the amazing sounding recipes from it. i own a ton of cookbooks and it is easily in my favorites with Vegan Soul Kitchen and a few others. and i got a friend to buy it as well.

anyhow, i love you, love your food, love your blog.

:)

JennShaggy said...

Thanks, Lowen :) You always know how to put a smile on my face. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I love you right back!

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